"Are you afraid of me?" I asked her straight to her face.
She froze for a moment to take in what just happened. She wasn't expecting m,e to ask something like that. She stepped back, and just wrapped her arms close to herself. She wanted to say something but the words would just not come out. I got a gist of the answer I was hoping to hear. It was going to be something unpleasant.
"So, I'll take that as a yes?"
She was awfully quiet but had her face held down the whole time. I'm not the smartest person by any margin, but sometimes I do wonder why I can understand this stuff so easily. Makes me like I'm some main protagonist of a TV show or a movie. I despise this! Why can't you just remain oblivious, or someone who's hard to understand?
Why do you have to be so open, honest, and straightforward? Make fun of me for being a fool. Mock me! Hate me! Resent me! Don't just force yourself like this! It's plain awful. To see you in such a broken-down state. I had so many things in my head that I wanted to tell her. I wanted to yell at her, for being such an idiot. But, I had no right to do that. It's an ongoing cycle of me blaming myself and being sorry for others, that lately, I'm starting to get annoyed and pretty sick of it.
And yet, for some reason, like magnets, we seem to get back and stick together. Not just now. From the day we met. Sakura and I have always had a back-and-forth relationship. From her having a deep dislike towards me for always having her best friend close to me to then us having a bath together recently, even though we're at the later end of our teenage life. We've been through a lot. But it was always in waves. There was never anything in between. Almost questioning our whole relationship.
Was our relationship just a hoax? Did it really have any meaning to it? Or were we there for eating away each other's darkness? Were we just filling an empty void left behind in our hearts when we were at the bottom? What was it? What was it that kept us pulling back close to each other, and yet later pushes us away?
What if, one of us actually found happiness? Would we still be close to each other? Or would we just stray away? Or, just for curiosity's sake, what if we found happiness in each other? Would we then be true to our feelings and have a proper relationship, or was this what our relationship actually would actually turn out to be?
Even after all this time, she won't answer me, just standing in a corner. I got up, turned around instantly wrapped around the towel around my waist, and just walked past her. I didn't utter a word in a room where even a single falling waterdrop gave out the sound like we were next to a waterfall.
I went back to my room, and just put on some clothes. I pulled out my walkman to check if it was operating. Luckily, it was. It was still close to 11.40 AM. I lost my appetite to eat anything. I just played on some songs and slept for a while. Nothing feels better than sleeping on your bed at your house. I lost track of time, and eventually, I fell asleep.
I woke up after some time. Seems like I slept for a while. I got up from the bed and stretched out for a bit. I looked at the time, and it was 3:27 PM. I was feeling a tad bit hungry. I decided to head downstairs to check if there was something good to eat. As I opened my door, I looked at the other end of the hallway and saw that Sakura's room was open. I didn't dare to take a peek at her room.
I headed downstairs and went straight to the kitchen. I opened the door and saw that there was a pot on the stove. I headed closer, and it was a pot of curry. Sweet! But wait! Isn't this too much for two people. I mean, my brother would eventually show up and eat. Yet, it's too much.
I checked the sink, and it was clean and dry. That also meant it was empty. I opened the tray and saw that Sakura's dishes were untouched. This girl...Huff!
I went back upstairs, and this I went beyond my room. Luckily, that annoying brother of mine won't ever step foot here. So, I'm safe. Not that anything would happen if he were to peep on me. I was standing in front of Sakura's door. I thought of knocking on the door but decided not to. Instead, I just barged in, slowly.
I noticed that the room was dimly lit. I slowly walked close to the bed. I think she noticed me.
"What is it? Lunch's downstairs. I'm feeling a little sick now, so leave me alone for a while. I'll recover soon."
Again with the wishy-washy attitude, afraid of facing me. Sakura was a girl of many secrets. I still had no clue about what her intentions were. Or what her likes or dislikes were. I had no clue about her. There was an unbreachable wall between us. And now, I'm sick and tired of that. I'm sick and tired of thinking this is not my business anymore.
"Sakura. We need to talk!"
"Can it wait? I told you I'm under the weather."
"That's why I want to talk to you now. Because you keep running away from me. And I can't be chasing you forever. That's why it has to be now."
Yes, this was the right time. This was the only time. That's why, for only once, Sakura...
PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!