Ever got that feeling of wanting to break down crying after remembering something embarrassing? Well, I do. Or at least I do now! My bare bottom is now an internet phenomenon! I swear I just want to do, like, an outrage and bury my head in the ground!
Though still, I'm surprised that it got the news cover it did. Like, it even was on the big news channels. Seems like my butt is the new hot thing in town! Though if we are serious, of course, that's not the case. I mean, it's not like there is a bunch of perverts out after my buns...
You know what? I think I need a bodyguard, j-just to be safe, okay?
For real though, if we take away the very real possibility that there might be a hit list on my cheeks, there is a very valid reason for why I'm such a hot topic right now. Mainly about that duel-awakening thing. Apparently, that is a very big thing. It mainly has to do with magic.
Yeah, you heard it right, I'm a wizard, Bit*h!
Well, to be more specific, it's called Mystics, not magic, in this world. There seems to be a reason for that, but that can wait till later. Right now let's talk about how awesome I am!
From what was said on the news, and what I've gathered in the two months I've been here, it functions as follows:
1: Mystic is a term we use to describe the types and phenomena brought about by Soul Manifestation. Yeah, I don't get it either. The important part is that Mystics are tied to an individual, and can change and strengthen based on the user's Soul Origin, experience, and a bunch of other stuff.
2: Awakening is one of the 3 main "Level Ups" that humans experience. These will manifest in either physical differences or some sort of skill. Depending on what you get out of your awakening, you could essentially be set for life! That is, of course, as long as you properly nurture it. Think of it as evolving.
3: Soul origin is a concept which all humans are born with. Think of it as a skill tree. What is interesting though is the fact that every human has two of them. One of them is represented by your Hair color while the other by Eye color. Also, while the color itself might be an indicator, what Soul Origin you get is a total mystery before you have one of your "Level Ups".
Wow, that was a f**king infodump, am I right? Well, sadly that isn't the end of it. The whole reason for this blowing up was that Duel Awakening thing. I don't understand sh*t about it, and it seems neither does the news reporters, or anyone else for that matter. Seems like it's a really rare phenomenon. Well, ain't I special, hehe? The only thing people know about is that it only happens when two individuals with compatible Soul Origins meet, which forces them to Awaken!
Well, enough of that, let's talk about the real stuff! What might I be talking about, you might ask? The gacha of course! That sweet sweet mystery machine that just makes you want to roll again! What? I-I don't have a problem, it's perfectly normal!
Anyway, I got a lot of weird stuff!
Beauty candy (no attribute) 3x (R)
Does exactly what it says. Man, how much do you think I could get by selling these? Could probably become a millionaire overnight! Well, it's not "that" potent. Seems like all it does is nurture and guide your bone growth and skin nature. Still something that a lot of people would kill for though. What's more, is that it seems to work wonders on bodies that are still growing. The younger the better! Gods, it's tempting to eat them now!
... So that's what I did, hehe...
Okay, I know it seems like a waste of money and that children probably shouldn't exempt candy from weird strangers. This counts especially if that stranger is a system given by gods that seem to be after your Sweet Buns, but I have a reason! The point of the system is to get the ladies and stand at the apex, whatever that means, right!!? Then what better advantage is there than being the most beautiful in the world? Non, I say, non! As long as you're hot, you're at the top! That was true in my old world, and probably is in this one too! I'm aiming for that number one spot!!
Healing bandage 1x (N)
Oh, yeah this one existed too... I mean, should be kinda self-explanatory right? As they say, "Got a wound? just rub some spit on it!", except instead of some old enzymes, you get a magic healing roll of toilet paper! Epic, right?
Analyze 1x (N)
Just a small white stone, which does exactly as it says on the package. Haven't used it though. Only got one, gotta spare, y'know?
Harem protagonist F (Unique skill) (pasive) (%/&()
You know what? Forget the candy, this is the sh*t! Man, the world really wants me to be such a beaut, doesn't it? Sadly, I probably wouldn't see the benefits for at least a few years or so in the future. Worth it though! Gods, I'm gonna be such a chad!
Hmm, does seem a little strange though. What does Unique skill mean, and the f**k does (%/&() mean!? like is it the rarity? then that gives even less sense. Also, why is the rank F! I'm aiming for a world-class harem here, this is an insult!! I'll prove you wrong just wait and see!
Anyway now we have that, huh...
Moonlight Aura (Aura skill) (sub-passive) (SSR)
You know I get what it says, just not the effect. There just isn't a description? Do I have to level up to find out? Well, it doesn't matter. Just the fact that it is an SSR and is unreadable means that it's powerful! I really lucked out, didn't I?
Well, that doesn't matter anyway! I mean it's not like I'm keen on joining the army or anything! In fact, I'm against needless violence anyway!
Since the gods decided to curse me by yeeting my dong out the window, I might as well get one back on them by abusing that fact!
Don't know much about this world, but if it's anything like my old one then girls probably don't need to conscript. Hah, take that gods, I'm no soldier of yours!! I'll just live out the rest of my life being a bun! Mind you, a hot and very "popular" bun. Haha, can't wait!
[System notification:
detecting rebellious intent in user
warning: If the user is deemed unpopular, obscure, or unwilling/failed to fulfill the requests of the system, they will meet with immediate tragedy.]
Wha, wh, what do you mean!!! Am I your slave or something!!?
Objectively, yes...
... I-I'm speechless! Why did I get such an Audacious and arrogant system! How in the world is this user-friendly! Well, here take a piece of this, What if I just don't fulfill your damn requests, hmm!! I am no coward, for I do not fear anything if it means I can defend my freedom and honor!! So, give me your worst system!! Kill me if you can!!! Take that, you piece of animated air!!!
[...Processing...
Warning: It seems the user is under a misunderstanding about what the tragedy entails.]
...Huh? What do you mean, I have already come face to face with death many times!!!
[warning: Tragedy is achieved through overloading the user's body with the popular aspect. In large quantities, the property will affect any being within a 1000 meter radius. Effects will be similar to a legendary tier aphrodisiac giving the affected the "Berserk" and "Incited" status...]
...