"That hurts… Please let me go.. I promise.. I won't tell anyone.. Please… please.. Let go.. "
The same place, the same room it haunts me.. Please no more..
"hahaha.. Did I tell you to be in my husband's bed, huh, did I?.. HAVE YOU EVER LISTENED TO ME?!!"
"It's.. not me.. please…"
My body slowly fell as she did not hesitate to retract the blade and then run it all the way to the handle again.
"Ha..ha again that dream"
I woke up from a horrible nightmare.
"mo..y.."
I turned to look inside the nest. Nabin was trembling with sweat, shaking his hide cloth (the cloth made out of animal skin). His eyes were open with an unnatural flush. His face was covered with tears and snorts.
I quickly took the child out of the nest into the cave entrance, gently patting his back. It was raining hard outside as I hummed a song while slowly removing his clothes. A vine slowly appears bringing another piece of cloth.
He slowly calms down to start crying again .
"Shhs ….it's ok... mommy's here... everything is fine ....it's ok ..ok..shhs.."
Nabin finally fell asleep. I brought him in and wiped him up with some animal fur and water. Finally dressing him up as a vine sketched out, covering the child with some radiant light particle.
"Pujan, I know that the kids have had a horrible past... It really hurts me deeply.. I don't know what they have gone through. I have known a little, but I can only hope they will.. one day, tell me what they've been through.. I want them to laugh all the time but.. I don't know anymore.. "
A vine slowly taps on my cheeks. I understand that being weak will do nothing but not everything works according to us all the time. I never thought I would be here taking care of three children in a completely unfamiliar place like this. I had my dreams and goals too. Could I have predicted my death? Certainly not.
It feels permanently stressful and exhausting.
I'm not getting a break, even when Pujan is watching them. That's because I'm worried about them all the time.
Will they cry when I am not there? Are they hungry? What if a beast comes near the cave? What if I go to hunt and when I return there is no one?
These fears eat me alive.
There are some sleepless nights as well and I feel like crying. But it feels immature to do so. What if the children see me cry? Won't it break them even more?
I feel guilty even for the fact that Pujan gives them company when I am not around. I know Pujan doesn't mind it at all but deep down, I am not satisfied with what I am doing for them as a mother. Maybe if I do a little more, they could smile more.
But I enjoy these little moments with them, even when they cry in front of me because that way I know that they trust me. When they laugh at little jokes, I feel proud of myself. When they are quiet, I feel stressed. I want them to play more, run more, and goof around with each other. I feel worthless sometimes. Am I doing something wrong? What more should I do?
What if one day they ask about their father? What would I do then?
"ma.. ma?"
I look down to see Naval wake up again.
"What happened baby boy? Was there a nightmare?"
"No ma.. ma seep"
"Ok.. good night Baby"
"Goo nigh"
This glibrish talk actually keeps me sane. They may never know how much they mean to me. But I would do my best, just so they can wake up everyday smiling.
Maybe I should make them a pool to swim in, they may like it. I might even cook some grilled fish for them.
I don't know when I fell asleep but I woke up early with the children sleeping over me, snoring soundly.
This feels good. I know, without them I'd be completely free. I'd have a life.. I'd travel the world and get on to adventures.. but I would never trade moments like this for anything else.
I don't know what awaits them in the future. But I am sure that I am going to prepare them for their own battle. Beastmen have short childhoods that only last for 4 years. Hopefully, they will be mentally prepared.
I didn't sleep a second that night. The babies would be transforming into their beast form anytime now.
I woke all of them up and asked them to wash their faces . Oh my kids are so obedient, unlike others. But seeing them mature so quickly hurts too.
"Do you want to eat roasted meat today?'
"Want"
I try to give them an opportunity to express themselves. They trust me and so do I. They always follow me thinking they might lose me .
I try to talk them through about how I'm never going to go away a lot of times, but they look like they listen but they follow me again.
Maybe next time I should try again .
I burn up some woods as the kids watch me from far away. I slowly make the roast, trying not to run this time from the smoke, as the kids are watching.
I had finally finished making the roast when a vine suddenly tapped me on the back.
The kids had turned into their snake form or say the beast form. I hurried towards them. They had the same colored scales as their hair.
They hid in the cave then. Only then did I remember that I'd never shown them my snake form.
They must have been frightened.
I changed into my beast form and hit my tail towards the cave entrance .The children slowly peek out and hide again. It seems like they got scared instead.
I change into half human form and call them then.
"Why are you scared? Look mommy is the same.. "
The children peek out again. They took a glance starting from my tail to my face and again to my tail. They seemed shocked. They looked at each other and then at me again.
They slowly come towards me. Neerav tumbles on his back .
"Hahaha o sorry sorry ..ahaha.."
One vine slowly turns Neerav into his back again and hits me on my head.
"Oww...I said i was sorry..they look so cute"
Only then did they embrace me as I held them with my tail, gently touching them on their head.
Snake Beastmen don't like pats and need to be handled slowly.
"..ohh my babies, you're all really cute"