I am not a writer or philosopher, I don't know I write right or wrong but I just wanted to share some experience with you. If I do some mistake so plz forgive me.
Sunshine brightly, it's summer time a whole crowd outside and a slowly wind start but it's too hot. I hate summers by the way on the other side I like summers because of summer vocations. It's school time like always wake up early ( thoughest thing in my life ) and be prepared for school. I despirately love two things about my school much first moi school uniform ( smile ) and second my friends. As same as like other school's we also do assembly and then checkings and finally the class setion start. The whole 4 persons gang ( including me ahahaha ) , a naughty girl I'm , Ever do naughty and freaky things with my teachers too. I'm the person like a first bencher but behaving like a back bencher. So it's time to describe my gang ( hehe ) , our gang consist of four persons (two boys and two girls) . It's all about 2012 and time a primary class student I'm . If talking about my intelligency I'm very intelligent in just two subjects....seems like maths and drawing. As always same like other parents my parents also want to see me a doctor in future but that's impossible thing for me ( ahahaha ). As always same routine but that day was too bad or creepy. It's almost a break time and we decided to go to the ground and play together ( my gang ). During playing accidentally she hit and her head injured. Well our school team come and see her that time it's just like a small injury but it's not. Unfortunately exactly after two days I lost her ...I think she don't want to live more or god doesn't give her permission. I can't accept this, listening this (she is no more) that's really hard. I know she is not anymore but I can't accept that . That I really want to say something to her,
" I love you beyond belief because you keep me happy everyday. I can't believe that we've came this far. I would do anything just to be with you. "
Next class start's and that class is not like others classes it's some different because no friends no excitement. Other friends think I'm being weirdo or selfish. I am sitting alone alone now school is just like nothing.
One day having sharpened my pencil , I placed it's too on a new sheet of my drawing book and was just thinking that what should I make. Suddenly a commanding voice came from the front ;
" While leaving , I will check line wise whether everyone has done their work or no. "
This voice was of our drawing teacher , but anyway my mind was occupied by few other voices , which were coming faintly from behind like a whisper !
" You guys don't talk anymore ? "
" No mann , she is you know that kind of girl . "
There voices were of my so called best friends meanwhile the commanding voice come again from the front
" Class. Silence ! "
Now teacher this voice was heared by entire class but inside me certain emotions were talking too loudly , neither did sir hear then nor did they hear sir's voice so they did not shut up. Inside me , there was like a continuous tornado questions rising asking why me?
After all what's my mistake ?
I just upset cause she is no more but they stopped talking to me .
At that moment the bell rang and everyone starting getting up and going out but those who could not hear sir's voice couldn't hear the bell ring either. So they were all inside. I didn't realize when this noise inside me had turned into a mark of crushed pencil on my drawing book ...
very ugly , just like that tornado. Everybody started going out and luckily that sir did not check the work. Even I love drawing but that day I can't draw anything. My mind is totally stuck and don't draw anything. And I was buzy continuously trying to somehow shut this noise that is inside me but my all attempt failed that day for the first time. I realized how loud the screams of silence really are and yey nobody is able to hear it and even after all my efforts when the tears, reached the edge of my eyelashes. At that moment I tore the drawing book that was in my hand and threw it over with all my anger, everyone's eyes turned towards me and I ran towards the washroom and locked myself inside a cabin to cry even in that empty, lonely cabin I reached for a corner where I could sit and cry. I sat in that corner and completely shrinked into myself and then started crying. I wanted to cry, I wanted to cry very loudly. I was quite with great difficulty and nobody had thought me how to cry in front of crowd. Meanwhile the voice of someone knowing I'm the door started coming from outside.
" Open the door " and some voices that were asking if I was mad or what ? she such a weirdo, someone call the ma'am.
After sometime our counseling teacher's voice came from outside , she too was constantly asking me to open the door but I did not because I know there was a crowd of kinds outside who know that I have been crying in here nd maybe I really am a weirdo because I know that they know I am crying and yet I did not want to show them my tears. I did not want to show them my tears. I did not want they see me I am crying I really did not want they judge me but they are .
Even everyone judge me, I am mad ,stupid and weirdo too. After sometime when I realized that those kids have been sent back to their respective classes then to opened the door and only that ma'am was standing outside now I don't know how my condition looked from the inside my via tears, that ma'am look me to the counseling room where I saw my class teacher was also present. Both of them made me sit there and drink water and very lovingly asked me.
" What's the problem dear? "
Firstly , I have met a handful of people in my life who have actually asked me this question
" What happened ? " and secondly our of those handful of people only a few actually ask me this question to hear my answer.
So somehow putting a few words together, in a shivering voice I told ma'am that at that point I only had a 3 friends or should I saw their were only 3 people whomevi considered friends and they weren't talking to me cause I am depressed our one friend is no more I really depressed to loose her. So they stopped talking but I really felt like talking to them . I used to really miss them. I infact stopped carrying tiffen cause they didn't eat with me anymore. After hearing this ma'am called one of those two into the counseling room and started explaining to her lovelingly that child you should not do like this she is your friend. Talk to her but my friend very firmly replied saying no she is very weirdo or selfish!
I really felt bad hearing because I know I am not but I wish even I had learn to speak firmly for myself even today I don't know. Anyway the teacher sent that friend away and in a few minutes even the class teacher went away. Now the only me and the counselling teacher were left in the room. She tell me alot of things after they left we had a deep conversation. But yes after that conversation I learnt one thing ' to make friends '
" How to make friends ? "
That day after going home and I made a diary that till date hears ne talking and never utters a word and yet never tell me that I am selfish, I am mad, I am weird.
In life friends are extremely important, life is nothing without friends but who said that those friends can only be humans. Whenever I wear a nice dress and look into the mirror and feel like yes maybe I am looking really good , it feels like there is a friend standing in the mirror that has been waiting from the quite a long time or whenever standing in front of the mirror I see my disappointed face in the mirror after crying it feel like maybe a friend really needs me. I want to tell those persons who think I'm weird or mad person , I want to tell them " no , I am not mad I'm just different from others ."