Kianna woke up, shivering. For a moment she didn't realized she was at home. Then she remembered, Yoora and probably Eunwoo trying to carry her inside her room while she was murmuring and shouting at that moment. She straightened her back and looked at the her phone, wondering what she had just done. Her head felt heavy and her hand was in agony. She wouldn't drink much next time, she thought.
Kianna was pretty sure she's totally drunk and she found her vision turned dark. She slept very soundly, despite her tiring day her body took control. Now she lying on her bed unconsciously.
The next morning she woke up with her head tilted, she had a strange dream, like any other dreams which are usually blurry this time it feels so real. A young boy probably about seven years old, crying on the corner and she visioned her younger self standing in front of the boy smiling and with out a doubt holding the boy's hand with grip and force. The boy looked at her and the image turned blurry. She couldn't think of anything instead trying to remember what kind of person is she in her younger years, her childhood memory no longer exist. She sat up and stared at the ceiling trying to fathom who the boy is in her dream and what kind of person is she at her early years?
But she was pretty sure she wouldn't do, either of those things at the later part of her years. She shrugged for a moment and started her morning routine and went to the school without skipping her meals.
As she got closer to the school, Kianna could hardly imagined how beautiful the places are, the buildings, cafes, shops and even the park was very charming which was paved with blooming cherry blossoms. She was humming her favorite song again.
She was awed by the beauty of it without noticing she had reached the school, until a black car crossed her way and parked it in her reserved slot.
"What?" She exclaimed. "This slot is reserved for me, how could this person so cruel!" She was murmuring while opening her car's door and paced towards the black car. She knocked the window but the person isn't responding.
"Excuse me?" She said while knocking at the window.
"I think this slot is reserved for me" but she got annoyed when the person inside didn't show any responses.
"Excuse me?" She repeated herself again and suddenly the door opened and she was surprised seeing the person in front of her.
Choi Min stood there while his hands went to his pocket raising his eyebrow and stared at her for moment.
"Good morning Professor Lee. I haven't noticed you this morning in the elevator I thought you would faint today but I wasn't expecting you look good as always. That's why I parked her as soon as possible to check on..." He smiled and didn't continue what he was saying instead just shook his head.
Kianna couldn't believe how this man could talk to her like that in a very casual manner. She even felt it strange when he escaped a strange smile. What was happening? She thought this man is way too cold since the moment they met at the elevator.
"Ah.." she shrugged. "Anyways, it's good to see you here but I think this parking slot is reserved for teachers." She said politely.
"I haven't seen any signage that says it's reserved for you" he smirked and with that he left. What she just heard boiled her blood inside.
"He's acting friendly and suddenly..woah I couldn't understand youngs these days!" She was really annoyed a moments later she let go of it and instead found another parking slot. She stumbled along when she walked at the hallway towards the faculty room.
"How could he talk to me like that! What a pathetic.." she was murmuring. She didn't continued her words.
"Like what?" She was shocked and froze for a moment. Did she just heard him behind her? She remembered him leaving. In the corner of her eye she saw him talking in his phone. He was reaching his bag. She felt ashamed for what she just acted.
In the back of her head she scolded her self like an idiot. How could she assume he was referring it to her?
"It's good to hear I annoyed you" Suddenly, he passed by right next to her while uttering something that left her standing.
She was unsure whether those words were for her or to person he was calling to. But she is quite sure it hit at the bottom. She walked behind him and shook her head. Youngs these days were so hard to read and what's running inside their mind, she realized.
Kianna grinned at her annoyance. She glanced at the college students hanging out with each other at an early hour. Some of them were her students , waving at her as she passed by. When she was studying she was bowing to her professor but students doesn't seem to do that anymore.
She looked forward and Choi Min was out of nowhere. She looked to her right and left. Why all of the sudden she was looking for him? She kept on pacing, looking calm and confident. As soon as she entered the office, Yoora appeared in front of her surprisingly.
"Is that the student you are telling me about?" Yoora asked her unexpectedly. Kianna crossed her arms and thinking how this woman knew she met the youngster earlier.
"How did you-"
"You were yelling at him last-"
"Students right now are terrible they don't pay respect." She mumbled while cutting her off. Irrationally, anger builds inside her with what happened earlier in the parking lot.
"You're too wild." Yoora tapped her shoulder,
"No, I'm not! As what I have remembered I'm very polite." Yoora chuckled.
"I won't buy that"
"Hey!" Looking at Yoora. Her voice trailed and put on her most sincere tone.
"Anyways, thank you for sending me at home last night. She smiled at her. Yoora found her amusing with what she had acted last night.
"Last night.."
"Oh yeah last night?" She repeated. She knew she acted weird in front of them especially when she's too drunk. It's very inevitable for her to act that way.
"Did you remember any terrible thing happened?"
Kianna shook her head. She would feel sick if she tend to remember any of those happenings.
"Certainly not, and I won't remember anything either." She replied.
"Were you listening to our conversation at the parking lot?"she asked Yoora abruptly.
"No, why? I haven't seen you at the parking lot this morning and besides I have a lot of errunds to run" Yoora was taken aback by her reply. She thought, did Kianna get it wrongly?
"Wait, you mean you two meet again this morning?" Yoora asked smoothly. There again she thought, how aggressive Kianna last night, watching Kianna hitting the boy's face at the elevator she couldn't barely control herself. She became violent when she got drunk. She even yelled at young man last night, saying he wasn't paying respect to his teacher. Then, at that moment Yoora realized the young man Kianna was telling her was the man being hit multiple times inside the elevator.
"You are too harsh!" Yoora muttered while shaking her head. "Your hands must be hurt." Kianna couldn't understand Yoora's reaction.
"Yeah, I'm even wondering why my hands are in pain." She said.
"Kianna," she said breathlessly, "last night you looked very stupid and violent, did you remember any of that, didn't you?"
She got dizzy trying to remember how she bacame oddly scary and violent in her dream.
"No, I honestly don't remember any of that. Did I...did I hit someone last night?" Yoora just stared at her.
Yoora nodded at her. "Luckily, the young man didn't curse you. Instead he helped me carrying you inside your room."
Kianna looked flustered. "So you mean Eunwoo wasn't.." Then at that moment an imaged flushed at the back of her head.
"Um..I think it was the"
"You think or you remember?"
"But it can't be him, right?" She murmured. Her guilt almost choked her. "Not that guy.." her words were trailed off. She was hoping it wasn't him. She would have happily assumed it was Eunwoo, but remembering a blurry image how she hit him last night made her realized about his behavior.
"Yes he is the guy, you are telling me." She braced herself with the guilt she had been feeling. How could she do that? She felt ashamed. She hadn't know how to answer Yoora.
Yoora just stared at her. Kianna realized how could she had punched him last night so hard, she believed that it could be the reason why he acted that way this morning.
Yoora chuckled for a while seeing her friend's reaction.
"Don't be so harsh with yourself. Anyways, I have to go to my class" she nodded allowing her friends to walk passed her.
She wished she had not drank too much last night. She felt annoyed with herself again. The alarm aroused her. She looked at her watch. It's time for her pschology class. She crept towards the school stadium.
The class were in silence and there were several groups of individuals talking to each other. Kianna looked at them , they looked like happy creatures while seeing her in front of them. The group of people were different from her previous class in language and literature. She hoped that she won't see him inside her class, that could be a terrible torture for her, she thought. She looked over the circles and was relieved for not seeing him in her class. She couldn't imagine herself, if he would be there.
Starting the class with an introduction, it was gloomy and comfortable. Thereafter the class caught one's attention at the right corner of the stadium. Choi Min entered the class. She was bewildered, she wasn't expecting this. She smiled at her class without paying attention to the new comer. She realized if she'd call his attention that would be so awkward for her. There was a time she felt ashamed for what she had done but she never showed it, instead she stood there in front of the class with ease and confidence.
A minute later, she found herself introducing the Barnum effect into the discussion and providing key concept about it.
"Well, millions of people around the world believes in astrology and horoscopes, fortune tellers and many expert found Barnum effect culpable of that. This was named after showman and notorious huckster P.T Barnum. This significally means that people are often to believe personality description as specific to them even they tend to find things generics and can apply to anyone."
One student rouse her hand and deliberately ask a question. She was as tall as the tallest boy in the class.
"Professor Lee, could it be beneficial for us if we tend to stay positive regardless the sitaution we are into?" The girl eyebrows twitched.
"Yes it is, it has an adverse effect to each and everyone of us. This means that we sometimes believe things positively in a very tough situation where in fact we knew it was hard, we are afraid to show things negatively in a negative situation right?" She knew she just repeat what she had just said.
"For instance, you know that you have some weaknesses, you try very hard to overcome them and be a better person. This is the main reason why we tend to believe in horoscope and astrology which we thought apply to ourselves but we forgot to remember it is applicable to everyone else. And this is the mainly the reason why we easily believes on it without validation." She explained it briefly. Students were nodding.
"How can we apply this Professor Lee?" The guy in brown coat asked her. She glanced up at the circle and found him staring at her blankly.
"Well, surprisingly the effect could be both beneficial for your own self, having a positive complement for yourself despite things isn't working at all, you'll soon realize how to accept things positively since people generally don't like to admit negative qualities about themselves, right? This leads to believing within yourself and making things out of it."
"Does this mean that we won't recognize our weaknesses and just be the person we can be with out admitting it?" The students echoed in agreement. Kianna glanced at the circle and recognized the person behind the question. She looked at him, with polite smile hiding her shame with it. She tried not to get cuaght how guilty she felts. Looking at Choi Min she took a deep sigh.
Intrigued, Choi Min watched her as he came into an answer.
"Well, first of all. We all have our weaknesses but as long as we live we tried not to recognize it, for us in becoming a better version of ourselves. This is how Barnum effects works to human. We knew at the very beginning that the we all have flaws but instead of recognizing it, we tend to look at the bright side of it. Why? Because that's how we perceived things that's how we looked at things. Our belief system sometimes affects our way of thinking and doing."
As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she stared at him with the hollow eyes. She thought she had seen those eyes before. Choi Min shook his head and looked away.
"But Barnum effect class could also be our guide not to believe on things easily. For instance, in astrology we tend to think that it gives us answer to our future, however it always depends on us, cause we hold our own destiny. But for some reason, we couldn't deny the fact that most of us believes in such thing, hoping that we may have a better life in the future thought we don't have any assurance and proves if it's really authentic." She added.
Kianna looked into the distance observing her students reaction. She let her words hung there for a moment. After a long discussion, and questions, the bell suddenly rung.
"Questions? Any clarifications?" Everybody said none.
"Since there's none okay, class dismissed" she adjourned the class. She saw her class leaving before her. Suddenly her phone vibrated and received a message from a friend. She still have another class before she can go to the school cafe and met her friend, Juna Young.
Kianna made her way along the hallway. There wasn't any noise when she started walking until then she heard someone behind her.
"How could you be so forgetful, Professor Lee?" Kianna ran her finger towards her pocket. Upon hearing the voice, she slowly looked back. Her eyes were locked with the gazed.
From accross the hallway, she spotted Choi Min standing and acknowledging her spot.
He laughed a bit with her reaction. He waved his hand and walked towards her as if asking a very strange question. He glanced at her eyes intently without breaking. She shot a panickly glance towards him, hoping Choi Min would let go of her this time. He was the reason there was guilt weighing heavily inside her. She tried to walk away. But could she do that now?
Kianna carefully studied his face. His eyes full of questions but she was unsure if those questions are meant for her or not. She lifted her chin out of sudden and smiled at him like an idiot. She stumbled and shrugged for a moment.
Kianna knew he was referring about what happened last night. She looked down for a bit and took a deep sigh trying to managed herself, pretending she didn't know what she did last night.
"I'm so sorry, but I don't think I get what you mean. I don't remember any thing that made me forgetful" She studied his eyes very closely. He smirked and looked away.
"What do you remember during that day?" Choi Min asked. She wasn't prepared how cold his voice sounded as he spoke.
Is he referring to what happened last night? She thought. Is he asking me to ask forgiveness about what happened? She asked herself again.
"What day? I don't understand? I don't think we have met before except yesterday morning at the elevator and within the school premise."
"That day-" he shook his head
"Professor Lee!" Choi Min was cut off when Yoora suddenly appeared behind her.
"Oh, Professor Kim." She replied at her. She called her in her last name when she was talking to a student. Yoora approached them with a playful smiled especially when she looked to Choi Min. He stared at her blankly as if their eyes are talking.
"Who is this guy?" She pointed towards Choi Min who was out of words seeing Yoora in front of him.
"Ah, he's my student. He was just asking an important question" Kianna replied. Yoora glanced at him again and found him familiar.
"Hello" she said, putting on a friendly smile and stretched out her hand to have a shake with Choi Min, feighing ignorance for a little while. Kianna looked at her. What is she doing? She thought.
"Have we met before, haven't we?" Choi Min shook her hand briefly. Yoora was looking at the scars in Choi Min's wrist and changed her focused again to Kianna.
"Oh' yeah. Isn't you who helped me last night?"
Choi Min studied Yoora very well and moved his gaze to Kianna who was shaking her head. He chuckled at her reaction. Kianna had a strange feeling about what she just witnessed the two of them looked comfortable with each other. Have they met before? Ah maybe because they both carried me last night inside my room. Kianna thought.
"Yeah" He said and moved his gaze towarfs Kiannna. "It's okay I don't need any apology I understand she was too drunk" he replied. He was playing her now. Testing her reaction, this could be fun. Choi Min thought.
"Yeah, I was telling her but she didn't remember. And it's good to see you both properly having a nice talk" Yoora added just couldn't stop talking and giving a hint to Kianna in front of this guy. Kianna pushed her elbow towards Yoora's arms signaling her to stop talking.
"Do you remember him last night, didn't you?" Kianna looked at her, pleading her to stop asking. Yoora found her amusing again.
She knew Kianna wouldn't admit anything.
"Yeah, I do remember a little. He helped me entering my room but I don't remember that much" she's playing safe knowing that the person she punched last night was in front of her, but what she could do? She just can't stand the shame.
"So if you can't remember, it's okay I understand" he said.
"Thank you for helping me out last night" she said while looking down.
"Well I have no choice, what would you rather do? It's done. I really need to go. Make sure to remember what happened and have yourself check" he said and walked away.
Kianna and Yoora watched him go. She still hadn't loosen the guilt inside her. Instead she cursed for what he just acted.
"Woah, what an ill-mannered person, how could he talked that way to his teacher! I know how to take care of myself and besides I didn't ask him to help me. I didn't beg for his pity!" She exclaimed with exasperation. Yoora looked at her shaking her head and patting her shoulders.
"You can't blame him, he has his reason to do so and beside why are you playing innocence earlier, you just have to told him, then you two could call it even." Yoora told her while they both headed towards the faculty. She knew she got scolded.
"Eventhough, he should at least pay respect" she rebeled like a child. Her face was in annoyance. She realized she hated herself again and again.
"Sometimes, don't act clean okay." She knew what Yoora is referring to. Pretending is always her weakness and she won't recognize that either.
"You should at least ask forgiveness for everything you have done, that young man was innocent" Yoora's voice was deep. Her words disturbed her. Kianna realized it, for a moment. Why is it so big deal? Her ego defended her. But I think this is for my own good too.
"Everything?" She clarified.
"Still, you hit him, yelled at him, kick at him. You should be thankful he didn't take it seriously."
"Wait, are you defending him? I'm your friend" Kianna pleaded her, gesturing towards her and gave Yoora a big smile.
"That's why I'm scolding you because you are my friend." she replied plainly and hold her cheeks and pinched it. Her cheecks turned red with pain. Yoora gave her a smile of encouragement and left.
"Okay, I have to be honest." she has nothing to do but to believe her. Kianna knew this is for her own good.
She sighed. Curious, just as she'd had been feeling earlier how the two reacted to each other and the way they looked at each other. Still, she couldn't figure out and come up with a correct conclusion.
She looked at the ceiling blankly. For a moment she realized maybe that's how Yoora made friends with a guy. Even though, they have been friends since high school she couldn't still remember how they become friends? How they've met? All she can remember was that Yoora was with her when she was in the hospital eighten years ago, looking at her blankly beside her bed. Until now, Yoora haven't mentioned any of those things. It remains a mystery inside her head.
She thought about this, there had always been something about Yoora Kim since the day she wept in front of her. When she first opened her eyes after a long sleep in the hospital bed, the first person Kianna looked up to was a weeping face. She had the big brown eyes, wavy hair, gloomy and innocent face like an angel. Without saying a word, the young innocent girl stared at her with a teary eyes. There after, she figured out the young girl was named Yoora and it took her to realized she couldn't remember anything back then, recalling how Yoora started telling her she was her childhood bestfriend. As a young child, she started believing and getting along with Yoora with heart trusting her fully as her bestfriend now there are still missing pieces in the puzzle. Perhaps, she had no one to trust to except Yoora and her parents.
Her cellphone awakened her. Kianna looked at her phone and walked stiffly to the corner right next to her table. She noticed it's her friend Juna Young. Interesting, she thought.
"Juna, how are you?" She said while rumming her fingers on the table.
"Well, four thirty is good. I'll see you later" she said.
"I'll be having my last class. Yes. Anyways, did you find something interesting? Well, that's good to hear. I'll be on the school cafe later. Okay. Bye." Ending the call, she glanced at her phone. Inhaling the cold air that shivered through her spine. She excited and scared. It was never too late for her to know why she can't recall any single events in her past. This is her last hope.