Of course Ryu will not listen to me. I felt the bed dip which meant he was sitting next to me. I then felt his warm hand on my head, brushing my unruly hair away from my face so he could look at me but I refused to raise my head.
He sighed. "Were you thinking about that game? When I-
"Don't say it" I cut him off. I didn't want to hear words like 'jerked you off' or 'gave you a hand job'
or ' turned you on' or 'made you cum'
"It was just a game Aito. There's nothing to be ashamed about. You liked it. So what?"
I raised my head at that. "So what? So what? Do you have any fucking idea what that means? What liking it implies? You're a man!"
He then smiled. The kind of smile that took my breath away and lighted up his eyes. "I told you before. Pleasure is pleasure. It doesn't matter if a man or a woman makes you feel it"
I mentally scoffed. It certainly matters when I can't jerk myself off no matter how hard I try. It certainly matters when I keep thinking about you, you shit head. But I said; "Are you insane? How can you be so normal about this? You touched another guy's penis and you even... y-you even-
"Tasted you" he completed my sentence. "I wanted to know what you taste like and I have to say, you didn't disappoint. I liked it"
Fuck fuck fuck.
I think my brain was going to get fried. I sat there, mouth agape.
He chuckled, pushing up my jaw to close my mouth. The part he touched tingled.
"A-Are you gay then?" I asked. He shook his head.
"Straight?"
He shook his head again. "Then what?"
"Nothing Aito. I'm just me"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!" I asked, frustrated. "You're either gay or straight"
He smiled. "I'm neither. I do what I want. Whatever my body reacts to. If I go hard for a girl then I fuck her. If I want to suck dick, then I suck dick. Hell if I want to fuck a horse, not that I want to but you get what I mean by now. I'll do whatever I want. I don't care. I don't like being labeled"
My brain was still reeling with the information. Not gay and not straight. Then what am I?
His face suddenly zoomed in on mine and my eyes went as wide as saucers when I felt his lips graze mine. It was a gentle touch. Very soft. I didn't even see it coming. His sweet scent rushed into my nostrils and I couldn't help but sigh.
Ryu slowly moved his lips, lightly nipping and licking. My heart was pounding against my rib cage as I felt warm and tingly. The kiss was extremely gentle, sweet and damn it I wanted more. Tears sprang to my eyes as I realized I wasn't disgusted. I badly wanted more. What kind of sorcery is this?
He gently coaxed my tongue out of the crack between my lips and starting to suck on it. It wasn't in a way that would ignite any kind of passion between us. Instead, it was in a... loving way.
Love... Oh no.
I got lost in his expert kissing, letting him take whatever he wanted however he wanted. It was exhilarating. So so good but it ended too fast.
He stood up from the bed, stretching his muscular sexy body. "I'm gonna sleep in my mum's room tonight. We've got school tomorrow so I suggest we both sleep now or we'll wake up late. Your uniform should be dry by morning".
He started to walk away as if we didn't do anything intimate. I noticed him pause by the table and pick up that picture frame.
I couldn't say a thing. Not a single word came to mind. I was dazed. I didn't want him to go but I couldn't tell him to stay.
Ryu paused at the door then flashed me a sexy smile. "Think about what I said Aito-kun. Sometimes it's better to just embrace it"
With that, he left and I once again, buried myself deep inside the blankets, surrounding myself with his scent. I could still taste him in my mouth. The tears rolled down freely. What the hell was happening to me?
I should just... embrace it?
********
"How did you feel after taking the new prescription I gave you last week?" Dr Desai asked, jotting a few things down in his notebook.
I was sitting in my living room with Dr Desai. I've never liked going to the Doctor's office so my parents arranged for a meeting at home. Normally, it would be the patient going to see the Doctor but in my case, where my parents were filthy rich, the Doctor sees me at home.
"A bit better I guess" I said, running my fingers through my messy hair. "I don't get angry as fast as I used to and I feel happy lately. I have tons of friends so I'm never lonely"
Lies Lies Lies.
Dr Desai hummed, jotting a bit more. He's a world renown 40 year old psychiatrist with a bald head and tiny dark eyes. He was dressed in casual clothes for I said I felt like I was being interrogated when he wears suits.
I started to have psychological changes after Aera's death. I got depressed, started hallucinating and sometimes had mental breakdowns. They were really dark times. I had attempted to take my own life twice and I had to be tied down by my parents and Jisung.
My family kept it a secret and took me to see Dr Desai while pretending we went on vacation. He actually lives in India but my parents fly him to U.S in their private jets once a week. It used to be thrice a week but it went down to one when I got better. It took half a year. Six truly agonizing months. My mum had to take leave from work so she could take care of me. Haruto also never left my side.
I had clearly lied to Dr Desai. I wasn't taking the stupid drugs. Some tasted sour, some were bitter and some like asswater. Never tasted asswater before but I'm trying to say the drugs are absolute shit! I'm perfectly fine. No hallucinations. Periodic depressions sure but nothing else.