The answer made my heart squeeze painfully. But that didn't mean that I don't like him now. Because I do. I really do.
"That's what I thought" he said when I didn't reply.
"No Ryu it's not true" I quickly said. "Sure I don't think I would have ever thought of us together but that doesn't mean that I don't like you now. We didn't start off as friends. In fact, you made it clear that you didn't like me but things are different now"
"Yes. I agree that things are different" he said. "Despite how we didn't like each other at first, we ended up doing things and I won't lie to you Aito, being intimate with you is special to me and that's the more reason why I can't be with you. As I've said earlier, I won't be your experiment. I won't let you use me then dump me after you've had your fun like you did to Sara. I won't be your sex toy. I'll admit that I like you a lot Aito. A fucking lot but that doesn't mean I'll whore myself out to you. I don't want just your body. I want you entirely. Your heart, your feelings, your body, hell your entire being must be mine. I don't share and I sure as hell won't accept half of you"
"I know I said that I don't like people like you but you've shown me that you're not as bad as everyone says. Sure you can be rude and annoying as hell. Insensitive and sometimes cruel but I've seen the compassionate and humane side of you as well. I've see you blush, I've seen you laugh and smile. I've seen you when you let your guard down and honestly, that's the you that I like. The you I wish you'll be 24/7. That's the you that I want to be with"
I didn't realize I was crying until he reached out and wiped my tears with both thumbs. "I-I can be that Aito, Ryu. I'll break down all the walls. I'll bare the real me out to you. Whatever you want. Just don't turn me away. I don't just want you sexually Ryu. I want you in every other way possible. I want to be with you. I really really like you too. You have no idea how hard it was for me to accept the fact that I have romantic feelings for a guy. It turned my world upside down. I was so confused but I'm better now. I know what I want and that's you"
The look in his eyes told me he was having a hard time accepting it. I held his hands and maintained eye contact. Not letting it waver even a little bit.
"You're not a sex toy. You're not whoring yourself to me. I really want you Ryu. All of you. I'll give you all of me too. I promise"
He still didn't look convinced. I tightened my hold and looked at him earnestly. "Please Ryu" I pleaded. Never have I ever begged anyone in this way. "Please. I really like you. Give me a chance. Everything that happened with Sara on the field that day was a total misunderstanding. I didn't want her to ask you out. I was afraid you'll say yes so I took her away. I thought you liked her and it made me insanely jealous. I wanted to prove to you that she wasn't girlfriend material so I did...that but... it's not her I like. It's you. I just showed it in a shitty way. I'm sorry. Please, don't turn me away...please"
Next thing I knew, I was in Ryu's embrace.
"Stop it" he whispered against my ear, hugging me tight. "Stop begging me like this. I won't be able to resist"
"Then don't" I cried. "Fucking don't"
I buried my face in his chest and wrapped my arms around his waist. God I've missed his scent. I've missed the feeling of his strong arms around me. I've missed the vibrations I feel in his chest when he talks. Fuck how did I endure all those days?
"I'm telling you the truth Ryu. I've never done this before. I've never felt like this before. I know that we don't know each other that well but I like you. A lot. You said you like me too. We can make this work. Give us a chance. I'm sure of it"
He gently pulled away but before I could protest, his hands found my hips and raised me unto the counter. He wedged his body between my legs and snaked his arms round my waist. Heat crept up my cheeks at the intimate position. I suddenly felt shy.
"Tell me everything in detail first" he said. "Start from the night you spent here. After that, you didn't talk to me again. Why?"
My brows furrowed as I tried to recall what he was talking about.
"We only exchanged a few words whenever we bump into each other. If you really like me, why did you act as if nothing happened between us?" he asked.
I gasped as I suddenly remembered. "I thought you didn't want to talk to me. You never made a move"
Ryu rolled his eyes and I smiled. The action made him look kinda childish.
"I was waiting for you to make a move dummy" he said, flicking my forehead with a finger.
"Ouch!" I exclaimed then swatted his hand. "Well you should have just talked to me. I kept thinking you didn't care"
He chuckled then pecked my forehead, right where he flicked. It made me feel warm inside.
"I wanted you to make a move first so I'll know you didn't regret anything that happened between us. I wanted you to want me Aito. I kept thinking you changed your mind or maybe you were freaked out about touching my dick. You coming to me would have been a clear green light"
Fuck. If only I had known. "I didn't regret a single thing Ryu. I can touch your dick right now to make a point"
He laughed and it made me happy to know I could make him laugh. "Not now" he said and I pouted. He pecked my lips then murmured; "but soon"
I brightened up again. "So that part was just a big misunderstanding"
"I guess so" Ryu said. "What about the whole Sara thing? What made you think I would say yes if she asked me out? I mean, we were actually talking before she interrupted us. Honestly, I was surprised you came to me and I was happy but then you ruined it all in a flash"
I hung my head low in shame. I could have handled that situation better. It wouldn't have resulted to days of heartache and agony. Maybe Ryu and I would have been dating by now.
Fuck.
I'm really stupid.