*Nicoli*
It was as if he was compelled to revisit it, wondering despite the cold. Nothing seemed to stop him from ending up at the spot. Once again, Nicoli found himself coming to the same place.
The last place he saw her.
I wish I could forget it. Nicoli thought, but the memory was etched inside now. Every detail was vivid and haunting. And it kept playing back over and over.
The sky was colored white in snowfall, but Ana's red shawl stood out. It was blinding against the white sky while her silver hair danced and coiled against the wind. And Anas' eyes were bright and clear as they met.
"Nicoli-" Her little hand reached for him expectantly. As they had the other times before. Her lips broke into a hardy smile.
But Nicoli did not smile. He didn't reach back. No, he was a coward.
He turned and ran. He was running, running so fast and hard that his heart was beating through his chest. He pushed his feet hard into the slippery snow. His mind spinning as if desperate to get away as soon as possible.
Was fear? Shock?
Why did I run? Nicoli wished he knew. At least then, he should explain, if not to her, maybe never to her, but at least to himself.
"I should have stayed." Nicoli swallowed, tasting the cold air now. His heart heavy, and he breathed out in short puffs.
Why didn't I just stay then? The question would not let him go.
"I could have talked to her. I could have apologized." Nicoli lamented. It was the whole reason he was there in the first place. He had purposely come out to follow her.
When I finally saw you come out of the window, I was so happy and excited. I didn't even think. I just left the castle immediately and headed straight for the maze to find you.
But when I finally got to, I ran away.
I ran away like some dumb, stupid coward.
Nicoli kicked the snow, frustrated by it all.
"I'm a coward." Nicoli hissed into the cold air.
Nicoli was disappointed with himself. But in that moment, he could feel the rush of everything at once. It was suddenly overwhelming to see her right there. He couldn't think and was afraid. Not of her, but of something else. Something he still couldn't put a finger on.
Either way, he was suddenly afraid and couldn't think. The next he knew, he was running.
"Do you hate me now? Ana? Do you?" Nicoli looked up into the sky.
I wish I could ask. But that didn't look like it was going to happen.
Since that day, neither met again. It was like something between them had broken. They did not speak on the very day she left. She didn't look at him.
And when she finally did, it was like that final string had snapped.
Anas' eyes were dull and cold. And her smile was gone. It was like that spark and joy she had when they were together was buried deep and far away.
And all because of me. Nicoli closed his hands.
"What do you think of me?"
If Ana had run away from me that day, I know how I would feel if it had been here. I'd be devastated. Nicoli was sure.
He would hurt and cry. But then, after a while, he would want to reach out. Nicoli would want to see her again.
But that was just him.
So what about you? How do you feel?
Nicoli felt helpless now.
"Who's thinking about you?" A warm voice called from behind to have Nicoli perk up.
"Papa!" Nicoli took off to jump up into his arms. King Alexander lifted him into a quick spin.
"My boy," King Alexander kissed his cheek.
"What are you doing here?"
"Well, I came to see what my boy was up to. You've been out of sorts lately." Alexander shuffled him to one arm to give him a playful bounce on his hip.
"What's on your mind, sport?"
Nicoli shifted his eyes downward.
"Sister Ana."
"Oh?" Alexander voiced cheerfully.
"Has she sent a letter yet?"
"She hasn't-" Nicoli shook his head.
"I think she's mad at me."
"Mad? How would you know?" Alexander prompted with a smile.
"Because she's not sending letters anymore."
"Then," Alexander pondered with a pointed look. "If she isn't sending letters, how about you write first?"
Nicoli blinked with stunned confusion.
"Me?"
"Why not? Don't you want to find out what she's up to? If she is mad or not? You have to ask to know, right? That's what it is to find out how people feel about you, no?"
"Yes, but-" Nicoli frowned before shifting to be set down. He climbed down to stand off a little. He could feel his father's careful eyes but was mute. He only seemed to be waiting.
Eventually, Nicoli shook his head.
"I…what if she's still angry?"
"Why would she be angry?" Alexander returned clueless, but Nicoli sighed heavily. His little shoulders were full of guilt.
"Because…her cat..our cats...what happened to them."
Alexander dropped his face a little, taking him in.
"What about you? Are you angry?"
"I don't know."
Alexander nodded somberly.
"Do you hate Ana?"
"No!" Nicoli spoke without a breath. The question shocked him. "I could never!"
"Glad to hear," Alexander smiled softly at the boy's passionate response.
"But Ana is a vampire, Nicoli. She could do what that maid did one day. Once she has her first blood, that means she will also need to eat blood. She'll be able to bite you. Aren't you scared?"
"I don't care. I could never hate Ana. She is a good person." Nicoli was firm on that point. Ana was kind and smart, and really good at book stuff. She could be a bit strict about school, but Nicoli didn't mind that.
He liked Ana.
But what mattered was not what he thought.
It was Ana who did. And Ana wasn't here.
"But it doesn't matter if Ana hates me." Nicoli kicked the snow, frustrated.
"You keep saying she'll hate you. Did something else happen?" Alexander watched the boy nod slowly.
"I…might have run away from her."
"What? " Alexander couldn't hide his surprise. "Since when?
Nicoli looked over to the unlucky spot in the maze.
"Before she left." Nicoli lowered his voice. His eyes could see Ana standing there. She was looking at Nicoli with those ruby-red eyes. But then, she was gone.
"So, she must hate me now."
Alexander looked off in his direction.
"It happened in here, I assume?"
Nicoli nodded but kept his eyes on the spot.
"Ha, I see." Alexander pressed his lips, taking in the exchange. "You two… But…it was a mistake, right? You didn't really want to run from her, right?"
"No!" Nicoli didn't miss a beat. "I just- it just happened. I don't know why I did it. But I feel bad now." Nicoli held his arms, remembering.
"I…think I was really mean back then."
"Nicoli…" Alexander let out a sigh, rubbing the back of his neck. A tired expression flashed across his face as he pondered the new information. But it was not long before the corner of his lips began to lift.
"Well," Alexander smiled a little more. "That may be the case."
"Than I-" Alexander stopped him right there and bent down to meet his gaze.
"What do we do if someone might hate us?"
Nicoli shrugged.
"What?"
"We make a sincere apology."Alexander winked.
"An apology?" Nicoli lifted his brows at his words, and his breath quickened. "Will it work?"
Alexander's smile widened. Finally, able to stir a hopeful reaction out of the boy. Not to mention what he may get out of it, personally.
"How about we go inside and get some paper?" Alexander stood and took Nicoli's hand.
"That, yes!" Nicoli looked up at him with renewed awe. His father looked like a savior with the sun shining behind his head. It gave him a bright halo.
At that moment, Nicoli was grateful to have such a father who was so big and bright. It was like he was Nicoli's private hero. Always there to help.
"Papa, can I get your nice crayons too?" Nicoli smiled wider. "The oil ones?"
At this, Alexander narrowed his eyes with light suspicion.
"Are we going to put them in our noses again?"
Nicoli let go of his hand abruptly.
"No. I haven't done that in forever." Nicoli huffed in the offense.
"It wasn't that long ago."Alexander could clearly remember the last time.
"I am five now. Five-year-olds don't do that."
"I don't know." Alexander went on before winking.
"It was impressive. The doctors still mention you putting three up there-"
"It was a long time ago. I am an adult now." Nicoli stomped his foot in protest.
"An adult five-year-old."Alexander clarified with a light chuckle. But he softened his teasing, seeing the boy getting rilled.
"Maybe I'll be the one to write, dear Anastasia, all about how you managed to fit four-"
"It was three!" Nicoli protested.
"And don't you dare!" It was the last thing he wanted Ana to know. It was too embarrassing.
"No, I think I shall." Alexander almost laughed.
"No, don't!" Nicoli protested and moved to scoop up snow.
"If you do, I'll throw it!"
"Gee, I wonder what dear Anastasia will say when I-"
"That's it!" Nicoli charged with the snow.
"Ah-ha!" Alexander laughed and began to run. Nicoli quickly chased behind him.
"Come back here!"
Nicoli took off after laughing. His thoughts and worries were quickly slipping away as he was warming up to the idea.
He would write to Ana. And Ana would understand. She would, and then she'd forgive him.
And then we can be together again. Nicoli smiled at what he expected would be a bright future. They would go back to as before. Laughing and playing.
And nothing will tear us apart ever again.