*Naska*
"Your food's gonna get cold." the new maid, Naska, went to move the plate. Shifting the pool of blood almost to spill over. The meat was practically raw save for a few charred edges.
"Look, I picked up the best meat from the cook."
But despite what Naska thought looked savory, the girl just paled.
"I can't eat this." Ana turned away from the plate for her book. "Take it back."
"You can't-" Naska's mouth fell open, suddenly left holding the plate like an idiot. The girl was not being easy at all.
"This little bitch." Naska cursed. She meant it to be quiet, but she underestimated Ana's hearing.
"What did you say?" Ana's head popped up with a clear glance.
"Nothing, your Empress." Naska lied, but inside, she was only growing angrier.
Spoiled brat! Naska cursed silently. She quickly found out that Ana was not an easy master. Naska seemed to have her hands full.
Regardless of how nice I am, she is still an ungrateful bitch.
Naska looked to the door with a longing stare. If only Lord Mykhol would come.
But when would that be?
Initially, Naska was delighted to be chosen as the empress's new handmaid. Not for Ana's sake, of course. She couldn't care less about the half-blooded waste of space.
It was her cousin, Lord Mykhol, that held Naska steady.
Naska still couldn't believe her luck at such an opportunity. A chance to get close to the handsome yet elusive boy was all any girl her age could speak of. And the fact that Naska could, created quite a jealous fallout among her friends.
This is my chance. Naska had to get close to Mykhol. Why else would she have been chosen if not? Out of all the others who were more qualified or better ranked, Naska had been picked.
It's my divine right.
At least, it was supposed to be.
I thought I would have seen him by now. Naska couldn't help but dampen. After many days of serving Ana, she still had not seen Mykhol. He was nowhere to be seen. And Ana never called for him.
What the fuck?!
Isn't Empress Anastasia obsessed with Lord Mykhol? Everyone speaks of Ana being thoroughly attached to him and taking him everywhere.
So where is he?
Naska couldn't help but glare at Ana.
Call for him, you stupid bitch. I didn't just waste all my time to watch you fucking read-
"He's not coming today." Ana flipped the page without lifting her eyes.
"Heh?" Naska gaped in surprise before clearing her throat.
"My lady?"
"You keep watching the door like you expect someone to come in." Ana closed her book to pick up another.
"You expect Cousin Mykhol to come, do you not?"
"I…" Naska felt her cheeks pink being caught. "I…no, I was only checking the doorknob."
At this, Ana raised her eyebrow. She stared at Naska as if she had just grown a horn out of her head. Naska darkened further with embarrassment.
"I- I thought it could use some polish."
"Polish?" Ana repeated and then half-smiled. The lie was blatant, but she kept herself from laughing. Instead, she took the chance to study Naska's form.
"You look to be my cousin's age," Ana noted. But she was nowhere near as handsome as Mykhol. Naska had a face like a horse and hair a washed-out red. It almost looked orange.
"Your hair is like the color of a carrot," Ana remarked, not to be mean, but rather speaking out loud.
"A carrot?" Naska reached up for her hair but not sure how to take it. Ana nodded.
"My cousin seems to be a carrot to many young girls, doesn't he?" Ana went on as if thinking more about the connection.
"The way they all fawn over him, even you."
Ana continued to stare and watch Naska grow further awkward.
"Your Empress?" Naska fumbled with her skirt. She gave a side glance to the door. It was more than apparent that she didn't want to stay.
"Leave. You are making too much noise. It's annoying." Ana returned to her book.
"And take the tray with you."
"What?" Naska reeled but covered her mouth. She almost let her anger out. That wouldn't do.
I can't risk getting fired before I can even see Lord Mykhol. Naska didn't want this to be just one big waste of time.
So she gritted her teeth and bared it.
"Yes…your Empress." Naska managed to curtsy stiffly. Then, before leaving, she gave the girl one glance back.
Fucking Bitch. Naska scuffed and left. The door slammed behind her loudly.
Ana jumped at the sound but settled after a moment. A wash of relief could now fall over her, at last.
Ana closed the book with relish.
*Ana*
"Finally." I didn't think Naska would ever leave.
"Who would have guessed I'd miss being alone." The idea was funny enough to laugh. But not quite.
Now that Naska was gone, the excitement was over. I find myself again falling back to quiet thoughts.
"She's nothing compared to Maddie."
My heart squeezed at the words. It felt like a long time had passed since the execution. And yet it hadn't. Not really.
"Maddie," I listened to my voice gently call her name. But, of course, no one will answer. I am alone.
I pull up my legs to hold them before moving my hands up to pull the shawl closer. Maddie's shawl is big enough to cover me up. I take comfort in that. It is the sole trace I still have of her.
Otherwise, it feels like she never happened.
"You lied to me." I trace the detailed embroidery with a finger. I trace it until a hard pinch in my chest makes me stop and clench the edge with a slight wince.
"You lied, but still- I don't hate you."
Even if it was all an act, you showed me a warmth no one else has. And I can't find myself to be angry at you for it.
Maybe I can't.
It just hurts too much to try.
"Why did it have to be you?"I peer across the room. Outside the window, the sky looks blue. It's clear and beautiful. But I have no desire to be a part of it.
It doesn't even feel like it exists in the same world as me.
Maddie would scold me if she saw me like this. I can already imagine.
"The heck are you doing on such a fine day?" Maddie would say. "You'll shrivel up like a prune."
"A prune," I have to laugh at that. Even if it was an act, Maddie was funny like that. She would say such silly things.
It really did feel like she cared for me.
"Maybe that's why it hurts so much?"
A knock on the door breaks the silence before the door opens. I barely lift my head to find it is Aunt Funda.
"Your Empress," Aunt Funda bowed before slightly frowning as she looked around the room.
"And where is Naska?"
"I sent her away with the food."
"You didn't eat?" Aunt Funda sounds slightly concerned.
"I wasn't hungry." I uncurl myself and pick up a book. I try to read again before I feel Aunt Funda's stare.
"Is there something you need?" I place the book on my lap with a patient yet underlying tone that I wish to be alone again. I hope she will take the hint and do so.
But Aunt Funda does the opposite and makes to sit. I sigh inwardly under my breath at the second wave of invasion. My chance of solitude is already spoilt.
"You must feel anxious." Aunt Funda starts. "For your cousin, I mean."
"But Mykhol will return soon." She explains.
"I know." I return flatly.
Truthfully, Mykhol's absence has not been on my mind much. Only a passing thought, but Aunt Funda seemed to think I must be worried because she widened her smile.
"It's good to see you've returned to your senses again."
"My senses?"
"I mean, you're back to yourself." Aunt Funda picks at something on her skirt.
"That horrible human was corrupting you so much that it was noticeable to everyone. But all is well again." Aunt Funda finished her skirt and crossed her legs.
"Things are more predictable again. It's so much easier to manage."
"What's easier?" I blink, not following.
Aunt Funda reaches over to take up my black coffee. I haven't taken a single sip because it has no sugar or cream. Naska didn't know I prefer it that way.
I couldn't bring myself to drink it, but Aunt Funda had no problem. She drinks it down in loud gulps.
I almost cringe at the sight. It's a loss to me how anyone can drink it. It tastes so sour to me.
But that'll change after my first blood. I know. And the thought dampens my mood a little more.
Aunt Funda, meanwhile, finishes the coffee with a satisfied grin. She seems to have liked it.
"Wonderful stuff. Did Naska make this? She's got quite the hand. Speaking of which, how are you two getting on? Good, I hope?"
I can only shrug.
"I don't expect her to be leaving me like the others if that's what you're asking." Because she's here for Mykhol, not me, but it's better than nothing. I can't be choosy.
Naska doesn't seem the type to leave unless she is dragged out.
"Ah, wonderful. Glad to hear. It's a relief it worked out. You know, having maids to work for you is quite hard. Since you can be, well, somewhat off-putting."
Aunt Funda makes a long, measured look at what few silver strands are stuck out of the shawl.
"Has the post arrived?" I go, shifting those same strands underneath and out of sight.
"Oh, yes."
"Anything important?"
"Oh, the usual. Just correspondence to the ministers. Nothing for your Empress."
"There weren't…any?"
Aunt Funda's smile thinned.
"Were you expecting something to be?"
"I…no." I quickly draw back.
"Ah, well." Aunt Funda shifts with a look back to the door. I suddenly get the impression she may be waiting for Naska to return. As if not wanting me to be left alone too long.
"It's for the best."
"What do you mean, Aunt?"
"Hmm?" Aunt Funda turned up, not listening.
"What do you mean for the best?"
"Oh, well," Aunt Funda lifts her head in time to catch the sound of the door turning. She immediately smiles, relieved to see Naska.
"I mean, what was the point of all that letter business anyway? Did you think anything would come about by that?" Aunt Funda is up and making for the door.
"They're humans. They aren't family, not your family, your Empress. It's best to understand that." Aunt Funda gives a half curtsy before getting out.
"You should stop wasting your time. It was just a bunch of nothing."
"Nothing?" The word drops as Aunt Funda leaves. Her words hit a chord deep within me.
Nothing…was it really all just…nothing?
"Your Empress, I brought some different food for - Oy! Are you crying?" Naska reels back at the sight.
Large tears are falling down my cheeks. I silently clench the hem of Maddie's shawl tight. It feels good to hold onto something. Anything.
"Err..?" Naska looks about, wholly lost.
I can't do this now. I realize. I can't just cry.
It never helps anything.
"I'm hungry." I suck in the air before roughly rubbing the tears off. My face stings red and raw from my sleeve. But at least it's dry.
I pull up my book to force myself to read again.
"Bring me sweet bread."