*Ana*
I can do this. I tell myself. Just keep your head up. Keep your face still.
You are almost there. The carriage is just ahead. And then I won't have to pretend.
Just keep it in, and you'll be fine.
"Ana?" Maddie whispers. Her eyes big and searching.
"Ana, are you alright?" She moves to take my hand, but I have to shoo it away.
"Let's go," I breathe as the grand doors open. The cold wind busts through to throw back my shawl. It's freezing, but I can't stop.
It's time.
I start the walk down the path. Maddie close behind me. I wish I could just run but that wouldn't do.
Empresses don't run away.
So I can't. I must walk as the trumpets blare and the crowd throws rose petals.
"Goodbye, Empress Anastasia." Some call out in sweet voices.
"Safe travels." Others throw more petals.
"Come back to us again."
But between their cheers, I can hear the whispers. My ears are too open to ignore them. Sharper words pass between the smiles.
"Did you hear what happened?"
"About Prince Nicoli's cat?"
"How horrible."
"I can't believe she was allowed to stay after that."
"A maid told me Prince Nicoli is altered because of it."
"He's probably afraid of her."
"They haven't talked since that day."
"I wouldn't either."
"Her kind are dangerous all the same. Sister or not."
"Half-sister." Someone corrected.
"I hope she stays where she belongs and never comes back."
I stop paying attention after that. There is no need to hear anymore. I only divert myself to the roses. Hoping for some relief.
But they are dull and colorless. And this grand ceremony feels wrong and pointless.
It's a ruse. I am more aware of it now.
I am not special to them anymore. And they don't wish me farewell.
They just want to see me gone.
It's a truth that leaves a hollow ring inside my chest that I must swallow down as I need to do my last part.
"Thank you for welcoming our stay." I curtsy, first to Father, then Stepmother, and finally to Nicoli.
I lift my head to find them all bowing back. My eyes meet Father and Stepmother, but not Nicoli. I am afraid, too.
I'm scared it might make me cry if I see him. And I've been doing so well up until now. I haven't shed another tear since then.
Just a little more, and I'm done.
"Until next we meet." King Alexander looks tired. Even the warmth in his voice is drawn down and stretched.
It may never be what it was again.
But I understand. So I take it without a fight.
"Until then." I bow my head and turn.
"Empress Anastasia." Queen Belinda is pleasant and sweet. Whether her smile is out of politeness or something else, I'd rather not guess.
"Queen Belinda," I farewell again, hoping it would end it. But Queen Belinda is determined.
"Nicoli," She gently pushes him forward.
"Aren't you going to wish her Empress safe travels?"
"Uh," Nicoli stumbles in the push but darts his eyes back down. He shifts his shoes on the step silently.
It is obvious he doesn't want to talk. He won't even look at me. It is too much for him.
But all the more why I must.
"Goodbye, Prince Nicoli."
I don't look behind me as I take off straight for the carriage. The trumpets blare as Maddie climbs in behind me.
Inside, I train my eyes to remain firm on the opposite side. I must not look back. I can't look back.
But even with such resolve, I can't help myself at the last moment. My eyes dart back to the window to find the platform. They are still standing by.
Queen Belinda smiles as father looks on. Nicoli, however, seems odd. It could be because of the distance, but I think I see it.
Tears? As if he were upset to see me leave?
How could that ever be true?
No, it's not that. I know it's not. I turn back sharply.
Just forget it. Focus on yourself. And I feel the pain underneath my ribs. It feels like something is carving out the very center of my chest.
I wish it would go away. It hurts so much.
Tears are in my eyes, but I blink them away quickly. I will not cry again. I need to be strong.
"I shall be gladdened to be far from this ice and snow," Mykhol, meanwhile, is calmer. He has the opposite bench and has stretched out his legs. He rests his feet next to me.
He taps his foot against my thigh.
"The faster, the better." Mykhol winks before smiling. "I am homesick."
"Of course," I barely smile but understand. Mykhol would be.
Uncle and Aunt are probably the same. I can already imagine. They are probably waiting for him even now.
And they'll sit down at dinner and speak about what happened as soon as he's back like any family would.
To have someone waiting anxiously for me to come home. Something tightens in my chest at the thought. It feels empty in a way.
Not just a palace full of empty rooms. Such a large place full of no one waiting.
I look back to the window as the carriage jerks forward to go.
"Dawny is much prettier in the spring." Maddie suddenly claps her hands. "With magnolia trees blooming and the cheery trees in flower, it's a sight."
She sounds so cheery that it's almost off-putting inside. But she is just making conversation.
"That sounds nice, Maddie." I am pleasant but fall back to silence.
Maddie, however, seems to want to talk.
"It is! Really!" Maddie leans forward. "Empress, how about we visit this spring? It'll be wonderful."
"The spring?"
"Yes, Dawny in Spring is a delight. I'm sure you remember?"
But I don't.
"It is. And you and Prince Nicoli can also swim in the pond and-"
"The prince?" I look up to see her shrink.
"Er, I mean…." Maddie fumbles but picks back up with a smile.
"The gardens are beautiful, your Empress!"
"I have my gardens." I don't need to see theirs.
Not when no one wants me here.
"I won't need anymore."
"Oh…yes." Maddie falters for once. She shifts her lips as if trying to think of something, but she must be unable to.
"I was only thinking ahead about the next time we-"
"What?" Mykhol cut in.
"We barely leave, and you're already planning to return?"
He scuffs with a roll of his eyes. His foot taps my thigh again.
"What kind of guests invite themselves?" Mykhol smirks at me. "You hearing this, Cousin?"
"Well, why shouldn't we? Ana can come back any time she likes." Maddie lifted her head to him.
"His majesty said so."
"You think that still stands?" Mykhol pulled his feet in. It suddenly feels cold on my thigh.
I absently rub it as the two seem to glare at each other.
"The offer still stands,"
"Is your brain so small that you've forgotten, Maddie? Should I fetch the maid to refresh your memory?" Mykhol laughs.
"How about we stop the carriages and pull her out? We can interrogate her together-"
"Enough." I'm tired. My body just feels heavy. After everything, I was looking forward to some quiet.
"We have a week's travel, and I will not sit through this." They are too loud, I can't think.
And I still have to figure out what to do with that maid when we return.
If I was tired before, now I just feel drained. Everything at the moment is too loud and sharp, turning my stomach.
I wish this could all go away. The birthday, the kittens, Nicoli- the list could go on, but I catch something past the window. A flash of red.
"Oh?" Since when?
We are long past the castle, but the crowd is still going. They are throwing down roses from their windows. It's so many that it looks like snow.
"Why would they?" The gesture stops me. I didn't think they would keep going. The castle is behind us. There is no reason to keep up the act.
"It's just a waste."
"Empress?" Maddie turns curiously and goes for my hand. She gasps and pulls me close.
"Your hands are cold! Here,"
Maddie has a blanket up and over us in one smooth motion. I am wrapped in close to her.
"Cuddle up to me."
I am not given a choice, but I don't fight it. Perhaps the warmth is too tempting. I submit and lean against her.
"Hmm," It does feel good. I close my eyes, ready to sleep, but Maddie shifts up.
"What do you think, Your Empress?" Maddie takes my hand. "Shall we come back in spring?
"Come back?" I see her smile. She looks so happy and hopeful and warm.
But even next to her, something feels missing. A cold lingers that not even her warmth can touch. It's too deep inside.
Maybe it's because that part is empty now?
My eyes drift back to spy the window. The trail of roses is sparse now. We are about to pass the kingdom's gates.
But I can't help but pity them now. Those beautiful roses didn't deserve this.
Nothing does. Why were they even grown to have such a miserable end?
Did they know they would end up like this? That they would be wasted?
Like me, coming here? I thought I would have a family—my own real family.
Just a short time ago, I was so giddy about it. The idea of having both a father and brother. I wouldn't be alone.
But now I leave empty-handed. No, it's worse than that. I don't have anything.
Nicoli is gone.
I close my eyes, no longer wanting to see the poor roses wasted. It's not fair to them. None of this is fair.
But it is what it is.
And I don't want to see it anymore.
*Mykhol*
"Ana?" Maddie leaned in, but it was too late. Even Mykhol could see her asleep. The girl was out.
"Jeez," Maddie sighed and rubbed her eyes.
"Something wrong?"
"You-" Maddie stopped to stare after Mykhol. But instead of starting again, she leaned back. The fight was over before it even started.
Not that Maddie had a chance. Mykhol turned to look back out the window. The last of the petals were falling. It was Dawny's last show of goodwill.
How pathetically laughable.
Ana will never look at Dawny the same again.
The damage was done.
And Mykhol couldn't be any happier.
"Though a beauty," Mykhol spoke, smirking to himself.
"A rose has too many thorns for soft hands."