🅰/🅽
I'll add more lines to this chapter. But no major changes, I promise.
𝘈𝘳𝘰𝘯
I ran my hands through my hair as guilt and regret rushed through my body. How could I do that to Yuqi?
Ugh, I hate my anger issues. I think I would never be able to control 'em. My life was already messed up since I left mom and flew hear. It wasn't mom's fault she sent me here. She thought that I would have a great life here. Her biggest fault was trusting her alcoholic brother!
But it was a whole different story. I swear I never got nervous in front of girls...before Yuqi came. There was something in her eyes which made me feel very nervous, and I hated the feeling of it.
It was as if she was controlling me. Moreover, she never talked to anyone in the class. The only person she talked to was Shirin, her closest friend in the class.
~
Tom was the first one to disturb her in the class. I was annoyed on him. But when he offered me to join him and I did. I couldn't say 'no' to my friends. And I feel relieved, I felt like I was controlling Yuqi. She was my doll to play with.
Yet somehow I realized that what I was doing was wrong. But I didn't want to catch that nervousness again.
Why was I so frustrated and annoyed? Yuqi never did or said anything wrong to me! I wished to go back to the past and change my mistakes. It's only possible in my imagination though.
I was sure that uncle won't come home today. Casino and alcohol ruined his life. It had been 10 years since I'm watching him like this. He always wasted the money mom sent for us.
And that's the reason I don't call mom. He heart would break into pieces if she ever found out about our situation. She wouldn't be proud to know that I turned into a high school jerk.
So I never call her. Though she texted me everyday, and I always replied that I was okay which was a total lie. But it was kind of weird that she wasn't texting me for past three months. I texted her for a few times, but no response came. I was concerned about her. Yet I was afraid. Afraid that may have found out somehow that I lied to her this whole time and didn't want to talk to me. She was maybe disappointed on me.
I wondered how Hisako was doing? I couldn't remember her nickname, it started with 'Y'. I first met her when I was five. A girl, taller than me with big doe black eyes was standing a few foots away, just in front of me and mom. An old man was with her, it was her grandfather. The girl smiled at me when my eyes met her, she ran towards me and gave me a pretty white flower. I gladly received her gift. That day we had a lot of fun at the park. We became very good friends in those two years. I wholeheartedly treasured that friendship.
I still didn't have my dinner, wasn't feeling like eating something.
My stupid uncle already wasted all the money mom sent him last time, on January. I didn't want to be dependent on her money. So I took a part-time job at a café. They paid a decent amount of money, enough for me to live on my own.
I wasn't usually a deep thinker. But I definitely did have plans for my future. The least I wanted was to be hated by someone, though it was obvious as hell that someone was already hating on me, Yuqi. I didn't have any idea about how will I face her tomorrow? This time I was really ashamed because of my deed.
Isn't it better to apologize and not doing the same mistake again than being quiet?
I thought about it for a few minutes. But a few barriers came at the thought of saying sorry to her— my self respect, wrong, my ego. Another barrier was I didn't have any surety if she will forget about everything I did to her and forgive me. Also what if she complains to- I don't/didn't want to think about this anymore.
And my decision was ready, whatever happens, I don't care. Yes! I will apologize to Yuqi tomorrow, no matter what. I made a mess, and now it was time to clean the mess.
Well, little did I know-