Isabelle
I spent the last few hours walking around, thinking. My mind couldn't get off the moment I had with Sterling in his office. As much as I was fighting it he managed to get me to cave into him yet again. The feelings I kept trying to ignore only seemed to be coming in stronger and stronger.
I could keep telling myself there was nothing there but it wasn't that easy. No matter how much I said it, nothing changed. I still wanted him. I still had love for him even though he had hurt me those years ago.
I checked my phone for the time and realized it was near eight in the evening. It was probably time I started heading back to the orphanage. Mrs. Strahm liked having me back before she left to go home. If I didn't return in a timely manner she would probably begin to worry about me, if she hadn't already.
I walked for a good twenty minutes before the orphanage came into view. I stood there and just looked at it for a moment. This place had at one point held so many good memories for me. Now it was slightly painful to think back to those times, all the memories involved Sterling for the most part.
Sterling was the first friend I made here. Even though I made friends as time went on he and I had been so close to each other. We did everything together. He made sure we sat next to each other at meals and was always willing to play whatever I wanted. Even after he left he still made sure he came to see me. How the hell did it go so wrong?
I sighed as I ascended the stairs and opened the door to the orphanage to make my way inside. I kept my head low as I began to make my way to the room I had been given. Mrs. Strahm's voice spoke to get my attention.
"Everything alright Isabelle?" She asked.
I turned around to see Emily standing next to her. I let out a low sigh. "Just a really, really long day is all. I'm going to go to bed."
"Have you had dinner?" I could see the concern on her face. Mrs. Strahm had always looked out for me. She was the closest thing I had to a mother figure.
"No, but I'm not hungry." I answered.
I turned back around and headed down the hall. I really didn't want to talk about what was going on. What happened today was a private matter. It was something that only Sterling and I could deal with.
I opened the door to my room and sat down on the bed. Seconds later there was a knock on the door. "Isabelle, it's me." Mrs. Strahm spoke through the door.
"Come in." I responded.
She opened the door and stepped inside the room. The concerned look on her face had only grown. "What's going on?"
"It's just been an off day for me." I really was trying to not go into any details. "I really just want to take a shower and go to bed."
"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" She came closer and sat down next to me on the bed.
"Yes Mrs. Strahm, I'm sure." I reassured her.
She gave me a small sympathetic smile. "Isabelle, you're an adult now. You can call me Rebecca instead of my last name."
I nodded in response. "Okay."
"Is this about Sterling?" She pressed for more information about why my mood was so awful.
"A little bit." I confessed. "I still really don't want to talk about it right now please."
"Very well." She stood up from the bed. "If you change your mind let me know. I'm getting ready to leave to go home, Emily can give you my number if you need to talk."
"I appreciate it." I responded.
She gave a small nod. "Any time dear."
She then turned to exit the room. The door shut behind her and I was finally left alone. I needed the silence to help properly process my thoughts. The best place for me to think had always been the shower. It was worth a shot to see if maybe it would help me today.
I stood up from the bed and made my way into the bathroom that was attached to the room. I began to undress and I turned on the hot water. I stepped inside and shut the curtain behind me. I let the hot water pour down all over my body.
It wasn't enough to wash away the shame I felt. What I allowed to happen in that office was wrong. It didn't matter if he was unhappy or not, he was still a taken man. Becoming the other woman in an already fucked up situation wasn't ideal.
The only problem was that while most of me felt ashamed, there was a big portion of me who had loved every moment of it. I could have stopped him at any time but I didn't. I loved the way his hands felt on me. I loved the way he had taken total control over the situation.
For that moment it was easy to forget about all the stuff that had happened between us. It was easy to forget about his messed up relationship. None of it seemed to matter once he had me in his arms with my lips on his. My brain had been completely focused on that moment and everything he was doing to me.
If he hadn't stopped things when he did it would have definitely gone further. God knows I wanted more than just that. I needed more than just that and I could tell he did too. He may have gotten me to admit I still have feelings for him but it was obvious he hadn't gotten over his feelings either.
I shook my head to bring me out of my thoughts. This is exactly what I was trying to run from. I knew from the first kiss we would get in over our heads. And now his actions were only fucking with me.
I may have slipped up again but I had our history to remind me exactly why I couldn't just let him back in. The moment in his office didn't erase the pain he had caused me. It didn't make me forget the nights I cried as I tried to figure out what happened between us. I spent so much time thinking and analyzing to come up with things I may have done wrong.
I turned the water off to the shower once I had finished up. I grabbed my towel and began to dry myself off. I slipped into my pair of pajamas and brushed out my chocolate brown hair. I was more relaxed now but my mind was still heavy with my thoughts.
I took a deep breath in and let it out. I still felt ashamed but now I was also feeling frustrated. My brain was telling me one thing but my heart and my body kept doing the opposite. I know I should stay away from him but I can't help myself. Sterling Tipton just so happened to be my weakness.