//Someone said "find what sets your heart on fire." Well, I found what burnt my heart. HIM.//
I kept remembering that day. Just how harsh but lovingly his hands moved along all my body. His muscles slowly strangling me but giving me life.
I knew all of this was impractical, but I thought of him all the time. He being my teacher did not seem to get into my way.
I knew I didn't feel good. I felt all bloated.
Wait a min. I skipped my periods! Is it? No way!
I rushed out to the convenience store and purchased a pregnancy kit and ran back home.
This cannot be happening to me. I was already going through a lot . Me being pregnant at 16? I felt suffocated and exhausted.. I went into the bathroom and dropped the liquid.
I was pregant!
I didn't have any idea about what to do next. I took my phone and dialed his number. He attended the call
"Hello-"
Was I about to tell this man I was pregnant? On top of all his pressure?should I inform him? He who just left saying no strings attached? No I couldn't. I couldn't for the sake of the life inside me.
"Hello? Who this?"
I cut the call. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I didn't know what to do. I did not even have someone to share this with.
I slowly touched my belly .I could talk to it . The only one beside me. With me. The only one who didn't betray me. I cried hugging myself. It felt more like hugging a part of him.
It felt awkward to think a part of him lived inside me.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
At school, Mr. Deel seemed normal. He was taking the class as if nothing happened. I couldn't concentrate
All I thought about was his baby lying in my uterus. I wanted to tell him but something held me back. It felt like a message from my baby to not inform him. I simply agreed.
Lunchtime was obviously a horror time. There was this girl who was a teen mom. Her name was Alison .She always seemed lonely, so I went to her and sat next to her. She smiled at me and I felt an instant connection.
"Hey"
She looked pretty astonished but asked "why are you sitting next to me"? I replied nothing
I noticed the baby in her arms. She looked cute.
"May I?" I asked
"Ofcourse" she replied handing over her delicately.
I held onto the baby tightly. I was filled with delight as well as grief. I started to weep. That's when the baby started to cry. I immediately forced myself to smile which stopped her from screaming
I saw the mother looking at me with quite some curiosity. I looked into her kind eyes
"Her name?"
"Claire"
"That's a beautiful name . Isn't it? " I smiled at the baby.
Alison finished her meal and took Claire from my hands.
"You are Bianca right? That girl from the video?"
Well, I seriously did not want the detailing. I simply nodded
"It must've been hard on you" I did not expect that. She seemed to care.
"Well I had to go through a lot being a teen mom, so I just assumed your difficulties. If you ever wanna talk about anything , just come to me. Sometimes all you need is an ear.. all I had was claire"
She winked at me, took the baby and left.
Her words were soothing but enlightening. I realised, what I felt was out loneliness. I needed someone, in my life by my side, and that was growing inside of me. My love .
But I really needed to inform mr. Deel . Atleast not for now. I will, later, when things clarify a bit more.
"Until then, ..." I slowly held my belly "you're mine"
I found someone to love more