The aching in my skull ebbed as I struggled to open my eyes. Waves of nausea added to my misery after I placed my palm on my chest. Once I saw my surroundings, I knew it happened again. And as soon as I tried to remember what happened, the flashbacks haunted me once more.
I couldn't face myself like that again and again, and I begged for help. Serious literal help. That had to stop, otherwise...I wouldn't be me again. Though I didn't want to be, it was still better than hurting everyone.
The bell rang as I stepped out of my bed. I rubbed my eyes and groggily trudged to open the door.
Those horrendous faces revealed themselves as the door slide open. Those two, whom I never wanted to see in my life. Never.
"What? What are you two doing here?"
I watched as her seamed, bronze skin glistened in the daylight while they looked at me, patchingup gleeful smiles with their somewhat rosebud lips.
"We missed you, honey! Of course, we'd come to visit you, why not?" She exclaimed.
"So, won't you let us in?" He inquired, brightly.
My eyebrows were still puckered while I tried to reason their arrival. I nodded and nudged a bit to the side to give them space. They did, moving in towards the couch. It surprised me how their fake smiles were still worn, as their eyes traveled around to see the settings.
"Hm, the maids did a nice job at keeping things clean."
I derided, "Oh. If you don't remember- of course- 3 years ago after I - things settled, I fired them and you guys seemed quite cool about it."
Their smiles dropped at the hit of realization and with a gulp, she got up. She licked her lower lip, "You...you lived alone? In such a big house? All alone?"
"Don't act as if you don't know it." I didn't even realize my lower lip trembling in a drowning world of anger. Thebitterness in my face faded to weary sadness when the memories came rushing back- the memories I named nightmare, the memories that mocked me for my misfortune.
"I- I...we're sorry." She blurted out and I widened my eyes at her as if she was speaking nothing except pure nonsense. She batted her lashes and her eyes glinted with water. I looked over at him as he stood, approaching me.
He seemed to fight tears as well and it all seemed genuine, except it wasn't. It never was. She cupped my cheek and I immediately removed her hand.
"What the fuck do you want?" I gritted my teeth, "I know you want something, so please stop pretending as if I really exist for...for you."
"You do, sweetheart! And we know we haven't been around much, but we want to now."
"You have never been there!" And soon I found myself yelling, "Never in this lifetime! I'm not a 6-year-old toddler whom you need to give chocolates for persuasion. Just tell me what you want and get your asses out of my home!" I uttered bluntly.
"Why would you say that, honey? Just listen to us, once. An-and we'll go after that. Trust us. We will."
I breathed in and out until the restlessness vanished steadily. "Quick."
We sat calmly, the couch's fabric rippling with our weight altogether and I realized how old they had grown underneath the make-up and facial treatments.
"When you were born, we were young."
"How young?" I said, as much quick.
"Uh...around the time of universities."
"Right, as if that is such an autistic, unique matter."
"We had dreams of our own girl!"
"You were just in college! What's the great deal? You weren't the principal, nor the president nor the God that you had so much work! Why don't you just admit it? Why don't you just say you never had the sense to love me? Why don't you say that I'm just as ugly, ridiculously ugly and probably not cute at all to get loved by so much young people. And if you didn't, why didn't you just abort me? Not like, I'm some future goddess or an heir to a throne. Well, maybe I am. I never know what you two can do for greed!" The feeling of dread was soon beginning to alter to molten anger, chewing my insides.
"Just try to understand us!"
"No, you try to understand me! I have always been a bystander, and by that, I have seen a lot! Too much for a 7-year-old to absorb in her innocent, naive, immature mind! And you don't need enemies when you have not one but two at home. Home- oh what a great word. And family? Do you know what that means? I don't. I just don't. You two bastards have left me in the open world to handle everything. Anything you got me in my shoulders." I yelled so bad I never realized I was becoming breathless each second. And no, that was not me; I knew it was the growing anger that the dark magic made to consume me and bring out the other side.
I had faced them before but I knew I didn't behave that harshly, no matter how much they deserved it.
"Look, honey. Calm down. I know it's all our fault, and we want to correct it. That is why we are to move here. We want to be the parents you deserve."
God, I hated that word- parents. And it seemed to be flickering yet smiling gleamingly at me from a giant wall of cosmic graffiti.
I felt it arising- the energy- once again. As always, my resentment to burning rage grew inside me like a tumor. I couldn't hurt anyone anymore.
"Leave," I ordered, bluntly. They had to, otherwise, my anger at seeing them would increase each second, revealing the darker side of me- which I didn't want to happen.
"Look honey-"
"Just fucking leave! LEAVE! GO! THIS IS NOT SAFE FOR YOU! GO!"
I trembled with that energy consuming me, my insides; inwardly, I couldn't stop seething. My shaky hands hold onto the nearest furniture to support my fall. It was coming to me again. I clutched my throat, then down to where my heart was. It suddenly started aching hard- harder the moments passed. My eyes welled up in tears of agony as I stared downat my feet.
I couldn't bear it all together.
My head was spinning around till it hurt while my heart almost stopped beating.
"Kill them."
"All they do is hurt."
"They don't deserve to live."
"They never knew you lived, so why should they?"
"Kill them."
The voices echoed horrendously in my head, the whispers ringing through my ears.
But they weren't wrong, were they? They should be dead. They must be punished.
"No, Reccy. This is not you. Don't let him- his commands control your mind. Don't let their words affect you a bit. You are your own humane form who deserves to live and decide for her life just like everyone else! You are to control your own mind, so do it!" Casper appeared. Why, great.
"Well then, you are commanding me then. Aren't you? You are just like everyone else, always showing me the good side, praising their beauty but never saying how much of an asshole each of these ruthless humans can be! But I'm better than them and I'm far more powerful!" I retorted, letting all the darkness get over me.
"Powerful with who you are! Not what they expect you to be! Neither perfect nor cruel. You are your own identity, Let it be you. Resist it, Reccy, do it."
Those flattering words pierced through my ears, forcing themselves to settle down in my mind, making sense the more I tried to think about it.
I squeezed my eyes shut and my ears with my palm, too hard I couldn't see or hear anything. I didn't want to.
I had to resist it. I had to.
I let the pain tumble out, shrieking deafeningly until enough.
"I...I can't. Help me. Please. Please help me..." I mumbled the few words I could possibly let out.
Though my eyes closed, I hurled himself into the arms that wrapped me tight. The tender embrace gave me a short yet meaningful space to breathe, to tranquility.
"Shh. It's gonna be okay. It will as soon as you realize your worth, love."
"The-they didn't come with their own will. You made them. Cause you knew-"
"Nah. Well as much as I wanted to threaten their guts out, I knew anything fake would do nothing successful in this provisional esse, you know? I just reminded the gem they were missing out on in their busy lives. The apple of their eyes whatsoever. I showed them you, the actual you who always cared about others, though too much but you're an angel, Reccy. You are more of what you think you are. Your heart is just solid gold and that is what gives you grace and divine, love."
I knew it was yet another thing - the hug, his words, his care- were all that weaved our souls in a way that seemed like a forever bond. And in any case, I wouldn't want it to break- never.
After a few minutes, I heard manipulative incantations in the background that were another what-sit soothing me- my rage.
My breathing quickened, black spots intruding my vision, as soon as my eyes sealed.
-
I woke up to the sound of a clamor in my room. That time, I knew it was a smile I was awake with.
"Oh, she's up!" Everyone's eyes switched to me, and Adeline rushed to wrap me in a tight bear hug. I returned it gladly, missing her joyful aura for a while. Clay joined in without any warning but I was intoxicated with joy to even feel any burden.
"Glad to me back, I guess." everyone nodded with a friendly grin, "what happened in the end though? I can't remember after my parent's arrival." I inquired, confused, scratching my head.
"Oh well, while you were scrubbing on with Casper, which mostly calmed you and taking the chance, Organa put a spell- a permanent one that chased away the evil, " Joey said so fast, it took me a while to take me in. I smiled, glad to see a happy ending anyway.
-
Plucking a strand of hair behind my ear, I exhaled.
The school seemed normal except for me.
I barely knew how I was able to behave so standard the last day but I presumed all I had to be was just me.
Once my feet stepped on the stair, all eyes were on me. I probably created that underdressed outfit with my magic but since I had a flavor of baggy vintage, I doned well in that.
"Look who's here."
"Ooh the hot-girl-for-one-day."
"Why's she dressed like that?"
"The hell does she think of herself?"
Those whispers in the hallway I walked on made me itched along but an urging confidence made me feel alright. So I simply smiled.
And the smile dropped the moment I saw the three Barbie dolls approaching me. I wringed my fingers out of anxiety and forced up a confident vehemence.
"So. What was yesterday, girl?"
"Excuse me?"
"I mean. Look sis, if you wanna last as us, then you might as well start sticking to one genre, one dress, one class. And please, we're fake friends for newbies like you, newsflash!" Angela muttered dryly and I only stared.
"And please, these bags aren't going to make you look less of a hag."
"Yesterday was a mistake." I muttered out, my smile etching to a haughty smirk. It was enough, right?
"I just wanted to try out how it felt to be fake Barbie dolls. I mean dolls were one thing to toy with, but fake is just another level down, you know? I mean it was utterly ridiculous to turn to you who only plays with people, their feelings and bullies people who only show who they are. You are just afraid anyone else would figure out how messed up your lives are behind these shades of make-up. You are just like me. And what I mean by that is you want to live up to everyone's expectations, so that doesn't make you any richer, just cheap. Pure junk. Oh except now that I realized that, I like to fight for myself, instead of hiding." I blurted out, and it looked more like the words cut out of my mouth.
It felt peaceful. Not like rainbows and fairies but like life.