The second time, things weren't so indefinite and vaguely nauseous during the time travel. It was similar to like floating in the air like a bird flying underwater, except we keep our eyes closed, the nostalgic breeze trudging over my goosebumps now and then.
I open my sealed eyes just when the feeling of my feet touching the base hit me.
I realized myself to be in a familiar neighborhood, jazz two storey houses stuck to each other in an auburn coloured rhythm.
There was a playful silence hanging in the air, people coming over and departing by steps.
Once I had scanned the area, my mind harked back to the moment where I could detect myself with Rebecca in a similar area. Or-
"This is Rebecca's neighborhood, oh!"
I exclaimed, somewhat glad.
I pivoted around to see Austin fallen on the ground, wrinkles formed over his face because of his scowled, somewhat melancholic expression.
"What-what's wrong?" I asked, my muscles tensed instinctively.
"I- um nothing to worry about. None of your business."
My lips parted to retort back, but my face ended in an offended frown. Why did I even care?
"When are we?" I instead asked.
"Around 2017." He paused, "Date at 21th August." He got up, most likely in a struggle with his own physical self.
I nodded around but gaped shockingly when I saw my that-past-self shedding tears over riding a bicycle.
My cheeks reddened instantly, right after I perceived that time to be when I went to Beca's house for comfort after- after Austin betrayed me.
I shook my head for those haunting memories to abandon me, and further acknowledged the memories later- that, that day was the day when I lost my two closest persons whom I thought I could call family. But family had a knack of deserting me into voids.
It worsened my situation when wobbly thoughts came rushing to my senses. My head started spinning when I realized that- that Charlotte was mercilessly murdered.
About that-
"Charlotte is alive today!" I exclaimed, utter contentment spreading through me like a virus, slowly cell to cell.
"Huh?"
"I- I can save Charlotte!" I coughed out, between my laughs, "Charlotte does tonight and tonight didn't come yet! Which means, if I can stop Charlotte from coming today to Beca's house, then she won't get killed by that- that monster!"
"Wha- NO! You can't change the past!" His words stung into me, trying to suck in my honey elation.
"What do you mean? You are telling me to let my sister get killed when I can help her? Why are you being so ruthless? How can you- I mean can't you see me happy for even a moment? I may have lost you today and I don't want to prevent that because I can't intrude into your decisions. But I can't stop myself from losing my sister. And I will." I declared, proud enough to stand for myself.
He closed his eyes and exhaled, pulling up his index finger and thumb to massage a side of his forehead, prior to his hands then reaching out my shoulders.
"Look Clayton. Listen to me, because I'm not going to repeat this and waste unnecessary time. I...I know what it's like to lose your own loved one. But you can't change what has already happened in reality. But you can face it and do things better. I know...I know its tough- cause even I...however it doesn't matter. You accepted her death days ago and keep it that way. If you now change her destiny, then things in the future will alter in the worst way possible. You won't be one of us- one of the Wildfires. And-"
"Do you think being a wildfire is more crucial than saving my family's life? How can you-"
"Why do you have to be so immature? Once you lose something in your life forever, it doesn't come back, like I lost you!" He blurted out, seemingly breathless and it infuriated me. But I might have not been that immature. I knew I would only waste my time if I argued with him. He would never understand my emotions and would probably never.
I averted my gaze and huffed out angry breaths.
"Fine. I wont do anything. You go find Beca, and I'll wait here."
He pivoted around and looked in the other direction, nodding, "Are you sure?"
"No I'm not. I was just kidding." I rolled my eyes, "Of course I'm certain. Why won't I give a statement so reluctantly when I'm so sure? I mean not sure? Huh, tell me."
"Um reluctantly is the way you would say where you're not sure. What are you talking about?"
"I...uh...I didn't mean that! I just...um, I'm sure I can stay here and not do anything! Ju-just go and find Beca as soon as you can. We don't wanna waste anymore time blabbering in the hands of time, in this paranoid time. It's irritating."
"Fine." He breathed out, before turning on his heels to leave. He took a last glance at me before getting out of sight.
I pretended to hide behind the bushes laid in front, but instead waited for Charlotte to appear.
Waiting for what I thought was a millennia, my wandering eyes stopped it's junket finally on that ginger-haired feisty girl, approaching Becca's house.
I jumped out and sprinted towards her before her finger could lay upon the doorbell.
I pj ulled her by the elbow and she stood shook, her fingers balled into a fist moving towards my face.
"Woah, you junk piece of- Clay?"
My breathing quickened just as my eyes moved down from her face, admiring every piece of that scarlet art, her voluminous fuzzy hair tumbling down her face, those meaningless playful orbs frolicking around dimensions of tints and shades.
A whimper left my mouth as threatening tears came flowing down like a gush of stream.
My arms wrapped around her, squeezing her into a tight hug. I could barely believe my luck.
Her hands creeped out to pat me in the back with a recluctant laugh.
She was first to pull out of the hug and it didn't surprise me.
"What's....what's wrong? I mean that was a first." I was grinning wide like a Cheshire cat, tears yet chasing down my cheeks.
She adjusted her view of my face and widened her eyes, "Woah, man. Are you...are you crying and laughing at the same time. I mean, that's another freak version of you that I didn't know. But well."
When she noticed my smile dropping down in terms of disappointment.
She toned up her expression and held my shoulders, "Clay, are you alright?"
"No. No, I'm not!" I exclaimed, breaking into yet another hug. That time, she didn't hesitate to return the hug, "It's alright, Clay. It's alright. Yo-you can tell me what's wrong. Ju-just doesn't worry. I'm always here for you."
"I wish you were," I said, delving into her embrace. Coming back into my senses, I realized I didn't have time to fritter away. I moved out from the hug and looked straight into the eye, "We have to - you have to leave. Away from here, okay? Things are not safe here." My breathing doesn't stop reconciling with my panicking fear and I could feel my hands shake. She placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder and pulled me into a sitting position on the bench a few inches away.
She had a dazed look of bewilderment as she cupped my cheeks.
"Well, now if you don't tell me what the hell is wrong, my beloved brother, how will I be able to help? Be frank and spill it out. Is it about that douchebag Austin giving you a Judas kiss? Then-"
"No, I'm way past that- just...its about you."
"ME? Now when are you so worried about me to the extent to lead you to cry?" She laughed, scoffing my intentions.
"That's the thing- I was never." I stuttered as my lower lip trembled at how much I missed, "I don't know where to start from. I- everything's messed up. I don't even feel like giving in. I can't accept you going away from me, I can't bear losing you after- after everything I lost. Time goes on and I laugh while I can, I smile to conceal that but not always life's a daydream of nightmares. It's always a pure nightmare of hell." I trailed off, blurting out everything that burned inside me.
I expected her to be more solemn about what I uttered and sink in a dimension of utter confusion but she only chuckled, "That's the thing, you know, just like they say, hell is the journey but it will bring you heaven." She breathed out in a fit of solace, "I don't know what's going on in your life or why you look...so matured, but all I know is that this moron is facing life problems and the gorgeous, powerful witch is going to utter life lessons." She directed to herself, with a wide grin on her creamy complexed face and lifting her hands in a haughty sign. We giggled out a bit but my paled-out expression caused her to be a bit more on the edge, " Look, Clay. First of all, losing things is no reason to mourn. I understand, you loved them and they did. The point is when we lose someone, don't try to live without them but to live with the love they left behind from. Gone from our lives- but not our hearts." She etched a genuine smile, placing her hand on my chest where the supposed heart was, "Even if I'm gone, which I won't cause I don't have death wishes and I'm definitely a tough bird, but when you do lose me, I'm telling you, you should know that you are gonna gain an angel haunting ya. And I'm treasure, not a memory." She winked, and no matter how much her presence soothed me, it broke my fragile heart at the same time. Oh, how much I missed her like that.
"And you know, I'll be a legit motivational speaker."
I reprimanded myself and heaved a sigh, "Now, if you get any chance of going back in time and saving that loved one, what would you do? Won't you save him?"
"No. Of course not. The past cannot be changed, forgotten, a little bit edited nor erased, the best thing to do is accept. I won't save him, cause if it was meant to happen, it will and I don't wanna be God. Maybe, I would go and spend some more time but I won't change what I accepted already. I don't wanna get spoiled and besides, what happened in the past should be taken as a reference, not residence. Change is the law of life, Clay. All you need to do is accept life for it becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got. And it is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences- that was said by Audre though but whatever." She playfully rolled her eyes and I tried to sink in each thread she weaved into the wondrous tapestry right then. Maybe she was right, I should not let her death leave me a heartache that nothing can heal but rather let our immortal love leave the memories no one can ever steal. For, after all, the best thing I can do when it's raining is to let it rain and nuzzle the mizzles.
I wiped my tears and stared at Charlotte.
I rubbed her shoulders and shot her an approving, bright smile, "So long, sis." I sniffled as I could feel my nose turn bright red, and hugged her- for the last time.
"Now go up, they must- Rebecca must be waiting for you. I'll be...on my way."
"Sure-but one last thing. No matter what happens, whenever, wherever, but don't lose Beca. That's the next best thing, I tell you. She's a keeper."
I nodded with another assuring beam before getting out of her side, and sight. I wiped out the last tear that dropped and decided to find Austin.
I proceeded towards the area where we last met, but he was nowhere there. I huffed out, and sat there, wondering about the safest thing to do in the meantime. Except that was interrupted when I saw Austin cycling towards Beca's house. I almost got up but stopped on the knees when I perceived he was the young one since his hollow cheeks were not yet perceptible.
But that rang a bell in my head about that time- Austin never came back after Charlotte's arrival. I adjusted my vision by sneakily moving closer. His finger came up to the doorbell, but it descended beside his thighs again. He turned a bit to the side and moved his lips, talking to...to the air...?
"Why don't you understand? I have to tell Clay the truth! He's my best friend, for god's sake! Why do I have to part with him in order to save the world? I just don't get it." I overheard his voice, cracking down as tears overflowed his face. I narrowed my eyes, suddencoldness hitting at the core. Why would such a tough guy like him ever shed tears for someone he didn't even care about?
It seemed like he was talking with a literal someone, as well as listening. His hand crept up his head to raking his hair and he moved out of her lawn towards the bench outside the fence.
I was somehow able to approach a big oak tree, hiding under the shade of its broad succulent leaves, and eavesdrop on his debate with that imperceptible person.
"How miserable can my life get?" He paused, presumably getting interrupted by that, "NO, I don't require any dunce-like ted talks! I don't acknowledge this imbecilic spirit...paranormal situation- cause all I can understand is I have to talk with Clay, anyhoo! I only talked with those idiotic popular jocks because you threatened me to! I don't believe I have to do this!" He let out a wail, before digging his face onto his palms while I reached up a hand to lightly clasp my throat.
So it meant he didn't hurt me intentionally? Nor, did he ever betray me? A million questions pierced into my brains like needles and my breathing couldn't decide between stopping or beating ten times than it normally did to stick them out is to learn more about what he had to say.
"Fine. I'll keep all this a secret. And I will not...not communicate with Clay or...or Rebecca." He paused, inhaling a deep breath, "But I will never forgive you for this- any of this. My future will be wretched because of you, because of this world. My love- my friend- everything is lost because of you, and you say I'm too matured for all this? For my age? I'm the one doing this high-octane drama? Look at yourself!" He yelled out those last words before getting up on his bicycle to leave the locale.
I knew what he meant by love but I feared if he did feel the same towards her. And it only changed things and perspectives. If he behaved that aggressive way towards me for such forced decisions made by someone else, then his feelings could barely alter as well.
-
I was devastated- and that's all I could say. The sudden onset of the confusion, led on by that gospel truth was scaring me. Scaring me of my actions, of evocative realizations.
As to what he just confessed- indirectly though but nevertheless, it led to an only option- an only reason- he never wanted to break our friendship- any of what we had but was compelled to- and sad to relate, till now he suffered. And there I was for the last 4 years, mistaking all his intentions for some foul, wicked witchcraft.
I laughed, all by myself. I didn't understand if it was for the abstract contentment rushing through my veins or because of how utterly stupid I had been to question his intentions, without being in his shoes even once. All his popularity, notorious charms, and the personality he showed were what blinded me along with the extra fabric of misunderstood abomination.