my selfish love

It's almost a year i got married to varun .varun -well, different from all others. He is handsome, not perhaps in the conventional sense, but he had that appearance which could make him stand out in the crowd. He is fair, almost pale white. His unfathomable, golden brown eyes contrasted exceptionally with his light toned face. His eyes were as deep and expressive, where you could get lost if you stared long enough. His face had that faraway look in it, which cannot be described in words. His smile, which reached up to his eyes and wrinkled them, flaunted his modesty and humility. Often, you could see a hint of pain in his sparkling eyes, which would disappear as suddenly as it emerged. He sometimes spoke too fast, which perhaps revealed how much agony he concealed within himself. Above all was his frame and his stature. He is not extremely muscular, with 8 pack abs or 16 cm biceps. However, he could stand out in a crowd, which was mostly due to his way of carrying himself. Perhaps he is not the kind who had girls swooning over him. But he was simple and innocent. He was perhaps, just one in a million, who was "nothing special, but everything unique and at the top he is the most kind person one can ever met.varun loves me like i could remember once he texts me "i love you" for like hundred times and my heart too beat for him.But last night i saw my first love in my dreams and like years ago me begging him for my love .In my dream ; Raj was shouting at me and grabing my arms so tightly as to show his passion for love which ultimately hurt me and i have no choice but to tolerate his anger, at that moment i broke down in tears and suddenly my eyes open.My pillow was wet and i felt that it as a horrible reality.Then i tried to sleep overnight but couldn't.