I was trembling so hard and so was he. We looked at each other, our faces pale and our eyes had turned red. I felt like that was the end. The end to our story, the Lee and Mingzhu princess of Xinjiang story, and I wondered how would our story will be told by generations to come.
Would they say "A brave princess and a young boy tried to find a warm land and died in a blizzard, or would it be two stupid young best friends fled their home and died." I didn't know what would be our fate and I wished I could ask Lee about it but the storm was raging too much and neither of us could talk.
"Let's go beneath… that… tree" said Lee struggling to speak. He took my hand and we tried to walk even though every inch inside my body was in agony, my feet hurt badly as were my arms.
The cold had penetrated through every part of my body and without mercy it meant to kill me. That moment I remembered my grandfather's words "Your destiny awaits Mingzhu!" and perhaps death was my destiny. I was meant to die in the storm just like that woman who my mother told me about, I felt bad for dragging Lee along. I watched him struggling to pull us to safety even though there was nowhere to hide, and not even a cave nearby to go into.
But we did get to the tree as the cold wind blew hard and threw ice cubes all over us, we hang on to it, together. "If we don't make it ─" He said, trembling while hanging on to me for dear life.
"Lee, I'm sorry I made you do this." I said and couldn't hold on to my tears anymore, although they just froze at the instance they came out. That's how cold it was, I couldn't even cry as the tears instantly froze on my face.
"I… I love you." he struggled to speak.
"Lee ─"
"Ever since the first day I laid my eyes on you. I hope we meet in the afterlife. I promise ─" He couldn't finish and started chocking, he swallowed his own tongue.
Not only that, but I held him close to me and tried to calm him down, the blizzard showed no sign of slowing down, and I had to sit with him between my hands.
"Look at me, Lee. It will all be over soon." I said, and I knew he wasn't going to make it. I was also not going to make it because if he dies then I shall die with him. What a stupid idea we had. And perhaps we deserved death as a punishment for fleeing our ancestral home. And me, for abandoning my duty as a princess and future Queen of my empire.
"Promise me that we will be together in the afterlife." Lee struggled with the words, and for a man in his deathbed to express his undying feelings for me was everything. I never knew he felt that way towards me, so I kissed him, right on his lips, and tried to calm him down. "I love you too, Lee Qiang!" I whispered to him, even though I never knew what love was or even sure of my feelings for him.
But I wanted him to have an easier death, a death which perhaps may leave hope for what the afterlife had in store for us. I believed in an afterlife, a different kind of life after death. We all did, and it's what made us have hope. I closed my eyes as the blizzard passed through us, bringing with it the coldest feeling I had never felt.
As I waited to die, I placed my left arm on the tree as I needed balance to keep Lee steady. And from there I blacked out.
─
I don't know what happened or how exactly it happened, but I woke up to a clear blue sky and a shining sun. "Could this be the afterlife?" I murmured slowly but didn't move as I enjoyed how warm the sun was and how it shone so bright. It was magic indeed, but where was I?
I only recalled closing my eyes and holding Lee in my arms as he struggled to take his final breath. And the blizzard, where was the blizzard? Where was Lee?
I tried to get up and failed. After three trials, I managed to sit and for the first time in my life, I wasn't laying on a frozen land. It was on tiny particles which I barely recognized what they were at that moment, but later on I learned it was called sand. We never had sand in Xinjiang, nor the shining sun, my view wasn't obscured by fog and I could see clearly to the horizon. A smile escaped my lips as I knew where I was at that moment, it resembled what I saw in my dreams as it looked exactly the same.
"Mingzhu!" I heard Lee's voice behind me and I turned around quickly. I saw him laying down on the sand and I rushed to him. I picked him slowly and said with excitement. "It's a warm land, look ─" I motioned for the sun which was shining so bright, and then I took a handful of sand in my hand and showed it to him.
"There's no ice! Nor winter." I added trying to show Lee the magic land we had just land into.
Lee took a handful of sand too, and I could see how shocked he was, and then he chuckled softly and looked at me. "Warm land?" He asked.
I nodded, "Yes, it's a warm land."
"Bless the gods." He quickly stood and started jumping up and down. Too much for a man who was dying just a few moments ago. "Mingzhu, we did it. We found it!" he screamed his lungs out and took out his fur coat, he only remained with his robe and a sword.
"I'm not cold anymore!"
"Yes, Lee, you are not. Neither am I."
"Oh, this feels so good." He took off his robe and remained with his undergarment.
It was too much for me to see, so I placed my hands on my eyes and shouted at him, "Put on your robe, please…" and he didn't. He kept cheering up, dancing, jumping up and down and laid on the sand as he laughed and enjoyed the warm sun.
He pulled me through to join him and I figured a bit of fun wouldn't hurt me, so I took out my fur coat. That was the first time I had to put it down in almost four moons ever since we fled Xinjiang, and it felt warmer and relaxing. We were in the middle of nowhere without any sign of people living there, but I was sure we would find them in time. I started imagining a whole empire of warm people living their lives, I wanted to learn of them so bad. How they live, survive and what did they do to make their land warm.
After a short period of celebrating our achievement, we sat down on the sand and laid close to each other as we watched the sun quietly. We soaked at the moment, and then I felt Lee's hand reaching for mine. He wanted closure and I didn't know what to do, the space grew awkward and just when I felt like I couldn't take it any longer, I pushed his hand aside and quickly stood up.
"We have to go." I said to him, tying my robe and fixing my hair.
He sat on the sand, unable to look at me, and replied. "Yes, we have to" and got up. We didn't talk about that awkward moment all the way, and we were engulfed in silence.
As we strolled down through the warm land looking for a place we could stay, the moments where he and I shared a kiss underneath the coldest blizzard revisited my head. I wondered if he remembered it too, although I wished he didn't because I felt embarrassed. He was dying, vulnerable, and I may have used that moment to deceive him into what I thought maybe was love. I shouldn't have kissed him, not at that moment though, and he must've hated me for leading him on when he was at his weakest.
That's not what best friends do, I thought. Best friends don't take advantage of their friends and most importantly they don't kiss them. "What were you thinking, Mingzhu? Look, now he's upset." I said to myself, and when I looked at him, he was really upset.
So, I called out. "Lee."
"Yes"
"I apologize for what happened during the storm. I wasn't myself, and I'm positive neither were you, so ─"
He cut me up. "I understand, no need to explain."
"But you are angry at me."
"I am not!"
"Seriously? Look at you with that face."
"What face?" he was stunned.
"That angry face, that 'I don't want to talk to you ever again' face."
"Mingzhu ─"
"Just stop! I love you okay, but as a friend. As a brother and this... isn't supposed to happen. I'm sorry." I said looking straight at his face and I couldn't figure it out if I just hurt the most important person in my life, or I was right for saying my truth.
Lee smiled, cupped my face in his arms and kissed my cheeks. Then he assured me there was nothing for me to worry about as he was going to be fine, and he thanked me for my truth.