This is all too much to process, and so fucking impossible. There's no way...
Zack confessed to me last week when things got heated with Eric and everything, but I just thought he fell in love with me in highschool. I had no idea he's loved me since we were kids.
I sit up. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Zack scoffs. "Didn't know I was supposed to ask you out at ten years old."
I glare at him. "That's not what I'm talking about. The years passed, Zack, and you didn't...you let me date all those people."
"I wasn't sure you felt the same way. And let's face it, you would've rejected me because you wouldn't have wanted to ruin our friendship. And nothing hurts men more than rejection."
His hands are linked casually behind his head. He's relaxed.
He's right though. That's exactly what I would've done.
"Wait." Zack sits up to look at me. "Are you crying?" He laughs.
Zack fucking laughs.
I stand up to walk away from him and be reaches for my hand.
"Whoa whoa, hold on. Where are you going?"
I force my hand away from his and walk towards the car. I just want to be alone.
The signs were always there. How did I not see them? Why was I so oblivious? The kisses...I thought he was just being goofy, but he meant them. All of them.
I hurt him without even realizing it.
"Why are you so upset with me?" I hear him ask before he leans beside me, against the back of the car.
"It's not you I'm upset with. Don't you get it? I'm upset because I missed the signs. You proved it to me everytime and I don't know why I didn't see anything. I hurt you, and you let me."
"Let's not forget I hurt you too." He says. "I slept with a lot of girls..."
"Because you didn't think I would ever feel the same way, right?" I look at him. "It was something you had to do to forget about me. I started having feelings for you in freshman year, and yet I kept fighting it. Maybe if I'd just admitted it to myself, I wouldn't have been with any of those other guys."
"I'm not blaming you for anything." Zack rakes his hair with his fingers, looking away from me.
That's how I know he's lying to me. He's blaming me for something. And I know what it is.
"You're still mad I slept with Eric, aren't you? You haven't gotten over it."
I study Zack's expression. He's looking forward, and his jaw just clenched.
"How the fuck am I supposed to get over the fact that you gave your virginity to someone you weren't in love with? What makes you think I'd ever be okay with it?"
I feel another wave of anger surfacing. I go to stand in front of him.
"Need I remind you, you were the reason I was at their house that night? You'd literally cut ties with me, Zack. I was hurt that night. Abandoned. And then I ran into an ex. And I am so sorry I didn't regret it immediately, but I regret it now."
My voice is shaky.
"Now you can either get over it, or die thinking about it whenever you're with me, because I know what you're thinking right now, and I'm not letting you go anywhere without me, because I love you, and we're gonna get through this."
The tension between us is so thick you'd need a knife to cut through it. We're just staring at each other, the only sound being of our breath.
Then Zack shuts his eyes and heaves a sigh. "Come here."
He pulls me into his arms, resting his chin on my head, and it's then I realize that I've been shaking all this while.
"I never said I was leaving you, Aubrey. It's never gonna happen. I'm stuck with you."
I'm stuck with you.
"And you're right. We'll get through this. Sorry I've been such an asshole about this whole thing. You're right. You're always right." I feel his lips on my head.
A weak laugh escapes my lips. "Always?"
He pulls back to look at me, wiping under my eyes with his thumb. "Don't ruin the moment."
How the hell did I miss all the signs?
I stand on my tiptoes so I can press my lips to his warm ones. I love him. So much. And I'll do everything in my power to make sure he knows that.
Zack's hands move to my waist and he lifts me up, flipping us so I'm sitting on the trunk.
"I love you." I tell him and he smiles against my lips.
"I know. I love you too."
The kiss gets even deeper as his tongue slips into my mouth to meet mine. The contact feels heavenly. I've never felt anything better in my life.
The moan that comes out of my mouth is involuntary, and Zack groans in response, squeezing my ass and pulling me to the edge so we're even closer to each other.
I feel it in my core. Every single thing he's doing to me. His hand in my shirt, his lips on my neck, his hand on my right breast. He's doing so much for me. He always does so much for me.
But what have you ever done for him?
Nothing. I've done nothing.
I take my hands to the front of his jeans, cupping him. Zack is already erect, and this time, I'm not letting him solve his problem by himself.
He tenses as I start to massage him through his jeans.
"Aubrey..."
"Yeah?" I reply innocently.
He raises his head to look at me and he grits his teeth because I'm obviously doing something right.
"Shit. Are you sure about this?"
I know what he's thinking, but I have something else in mind.
I nod, beginning to fumble with his zipper. "I want to do this for you."
He's catching on, I can see it from the way his lips part slightly. I let myself down, planting a single kiss on his mouth.
The sound of the zipper opening turns me on even more, and gives me the amount of confidence I need.
"That's fucking sexy." Zack breathes the moment I make eye contact with him.
Well at least I just got his permission to do whatever I want with him. I don't take my eyes away from his even as I slowly go down on my knees, pulling his jeans down his legs.
The only thing separating me from him is his boxers.
This is it. My subconscious squeals.
"You can back out now if you don't think you can do this." Zack says, probably taking my silence for hesitance.
I smirk at him. "Are you sure YOU don't want to back out?"
Zack chuckles. "Not a chance. Take your shirt off."
I squeeze my legs together. My panties are fucking soaked. His voice is just...
Focus, Aubrey. You have the upper hand now. Not him.
I take my hoodie off so I'm left in my bra, and then I look at him again.
Zack's eyes are black, hooded, and I suddenly hope I don't fuck this up.
I put my thumb in the waist band of his boxers, and I pull.
His cocks springs out in front of me like he's been crying to be set free.
And oh good Lord.
How the hell am I going to fit all of him in my mouth?
"You have no idea how many times a day I envision this." He says. "Your sweet, soft lips around my cock."
He's trying to take the control away from me, but I'm not going to let it happen.
I wrap my right hand around his base. It's amazing how he can be rock hard and velvety soft at the same time. I move towards the tip, then back to the base. I repeat this a few times, and he seems to get even harder.
Zack's hand is on my shoulder, massaging, soothing.
I kiss the head of his throbbing cock, slipping my tongue out to taste his precum.
I keep my eyes on Zack as I slide my tongue along his shaft. Back and forth. Back and forth. The moment I open my mouth to take him in, Zack's hand moves to my hair and he exhales.
My mouth is full and I've barely even gone halfway. He's too big.
"Just relax your throat, Aubrey. You don't have to take all of me. Tonight." He adds with a promise.
I begin to bob my head back and forth, using my right hand to work the base, and being careful not to use any teeth.
"Fuck..." He groans. "So fucking good."
He obviously still wants control, because he's directing me, moving my head the way he wants it to move.
Zack's cock in my mouth is the best feeling I've ever experienced. And tasted.
I decide to test my limits.
I take more of his cock, and I keep on moving until I feel him in my throat.
The surprising thing is that it doesn't even trigger my gag reflex.
"Good girl." Zack grunts, trying to thrust even further.
I pull back and repeat the action, and it's even better this time. I moan and Zack tenses.
"Don't do that again." He grits out.
But I do it again, because I'm the one in control. And I moan whenever I want.
I moan again and Zack hisses.
"You're gonna have to pull away if you don't want me to shoot down your throat."
He's about to come.
I don't listen to what he says, because I want to take all of him, including that.
I repeat the action once more, pulling back completely and taking him deep, and this time, when I moan, Zack vibrates a little, then stills.
And then I feel something warm going down my throat. He keeps his eyes on me all this while.
"Fuck, Aubrey..."
Zack releases a breath when he's done, pulling out of my mouth.
He uses his thumb to trace my lips, smirking. "I don't know what the hell got into you tonight, but I love it."
I smile back at him. "I know. Me too."
____________
It's been three days since Zack and I went to watch the meteor shower, and it's been an amazing three days.
Zack had taken me on an actual date the day after. And by actual, I mean, dinner at a fancy restaurant kind of date. It was sweet. It was real.
Last night, we'd gone to see a movie with our friends. It was a little bit like a triple date. Tyler and Peyton, Nick and Erika(yes, Nick and Erika), and Zack and I.
It's also been a peaceful three days. No disturbance. No Audrey. Maximum attention from my boyfriend.
Well, until this morning.
It snowed a lot this morning, and Zack had left to school early for basketball practice. And I only found out about the practice after I'd gone to knock on his door this morning and his mom answered the door.
The funny thing is, there was no basketball practice, and I'd also stopped by the gym on my way to school. He wasn't there. So it's either he lied to his mom, or his mom lied for him, which is impossible. Because why would she have a need to lie?
Audrey's not in school either, and Zack hasn't been picking any of the thousands of calls I made.
So I guess we all know where he is.
"Earth to Aubrey? Hellooo, we're right here." Erika waves her hand in front of me.
I blink into reality. Right. I'm at lunch.
"You're overthinking, Aubrey."
"No I'm not." I lie, picking out pickles from my burger.
"Oh come on." Peyton rolls her eyes. "You can't fool us. You're worrying too much when he's probably fine."
"It's not his safety I'm worried about." I say before I even realize what's coming out of my mouth.
"Then it's what? Audrey?" Erika asks.
When I don't say anything, she frowns at me. "Seriously? You know a relationship entails trust right? Do you really think he's cheating on you with her..."
"No!" I protest. "Fuck, no. I trust him, and I know he's not cheating on me, but you can't blame me for not trusting her. She wants him, and she could..."
"what? Slip drugs into his drink so he'd sleep with her?" She rolls her eyes. "You're being paranoid. Audrey's just a sick bitch, and Zack is just trying to help. Her parents are flying in soon. He told you that."
"No they're not. Zack didn't say he would call them."
Erika's expression changes for a second, before she schools it. Peyton speaks up.
"I still think you should calm down. There's not enough reason for you to spark yet, and you're going to kill yourself with your thinking. You've barely touched your food."
As I bite into the burger, my eyes dart to my phone beside me on the table. I don't know what I'm expecting really. A phone call? A text? I just hope he's not with her right now.
Zack doesn't pick any of my calls, he doesn't call back either, and before I know it, it's night time.
Dad had FaceTimed me to see how I was doing, and also to plead with me again to go over to Florida for Christmas, which I declined anyway, because I've never spent Christmas away from my mom, and I'm not about to start now.
His wife is over five months pregnant now, and I'd seen her when she'd walked over to talk to Dad unaware that he was chatting with his daughter.
I've seen her a few times before. Hated seeing her all those times. But the way she apologized for interrupting us, and the way she innocently put her hand over her stomach, and how sweetly she smiled at me made me realize that I have no reason to hate her because none of this was her fault.
I couldn't even make myself glare at her or ignore her questions, anymore. I'm supposed to be happy for her. She's carrying my sibling, and apart from that, mom forgave her a long time ago. So I was just hurting myself trying to hate her.
I don't even know how it happened, but at some point, dad had walked away to give us some time to talk. And she'd said a lot. She apologized for hurting my family. She apologized for stealing dad away from me. She apologized for making my mom and I go through all that hurt, and even wanted to speak with my mum. And I forgave her, because that's the human thing to do.
I went downstairs to see a movie after that, I don't remember falling asleep, but I do remember getting lifted up the couch and taken up the stairs in someone's arms.
Definitely not my mom's because she's on a night shift, and she hasn't tried to lift me since I turned five.
I feel myself being placed on a soft familiar surface. My bed.
And then I feel the warmth of a familiar pair of lips on my forehead.
I open my heavy eyes slightly.
"I forgot to lock my window." Are the six words that come out of my mouth. And it's true.
I was going to lock my windows so eventually Zack came to his senses, he wouldn't be able to get in.
"I'm sorry." I hear him say.
I force myself to turn so I'm lying on my side, facing away from him.
"That's always the best thing to do, right? Apologize? Just...say sorry and everything will be fine, yeah? You can hurt her again and again and she'll always forgive you, right?"
Zack is quiet. Too quiet. But I feel his arm come around my waist, pulling me closer so my back is to his chest.
"I'm not trying to hurt you," he whispers into my neck, "you know that. I would never hurt you."
I decide not to mention Audrey, because I know I'm drifting into sleep, but mostly because I want him to bring her up this time. I want him to tell me where he's been.
But we all know he won't.
"Not intentionally." I hear myself say right before I drift.