"I want you to make me feel things."
I had said this in all honesty, and without hesitation.
So why was she looking at me so scared all of a sudden?
"EXCUSE ME?!" she exclaimed in disgust as she recoiled sharply. "I said 'anything', but surely not that kind of thing!"
Ah.
I realized that there must be some misunderstanding about the true meaning of my words. I had to clarify what I meant by that. Otherwise, she might get the wrong impression of me.
"No, wait... I don't know what you're thinking, but it's not as bad as that." I said quickly to clear up the situation.
Which, if anything, made it worse.
"It's just my luck! Running into a total freak!" She exclaimed with shock.
It was really not a nice thing to say, especially since she was the one who was misunderstanding everything. And the discussion was indeed painting a bad picture of me.
"Let me explain..." I said as I started to walk around the coffee table.
This caused her to stand up in turn.
I took a step forward, and she took a step back.
She was obviously trying to keep some distance from me.
Strange...
I took another step forward. And she took another step backwards.
Was she...
Was she scared of me?
Immediately, I looked at her stance, and her attitude. These were the only things that could allow me to gauge someone's mental state. It was like a list of elements that, added together, indicated certain emotions in the person I was observing.
Slightly arched eyebrows, and a mouth open in a thin dark slit. As if she was trying to suppress a scream, while controlling a slow, deep breath.
One foot turned towards me, and the other slightly to the side, as if she was ready to run at the slightest questionable signal from me.
Two hands raised towards her chest, slightly clenched into fists. A sign that she was unconsciously trying to erect a physical barrier between us.
She was really scared of me.
Seeing that she would surely not let me get any closer - at least, not until this misunderstanding was resolved - I decided to back away without saying a word, before calmly sitting back down in front of the kotatsu.
My sudden silence, combined with my retreat, was enough to reassure her, for her shoulders relaxed, as did her fists.
Then, she finally let her hands fall back on each side of her body, before frowning while tilting her head to the side very slightly.
She was obviously confused; and was now waiting for me to be the one to speak first.
Staring at her with my inexpressive eyes highlighted by large dark circles, I complied, and tried to clarify the present situation.
"Have you noticed anything about me since we started talking together?" I asked while continuing to observe her behavior.
The question seemed to catch her off guard. Not because she hadn't observed anything - she had shown herself to be smart and quick-witted enough to rule out that possibility - but because she didn't expect me to ask her a question; instead of explaining it directly to me.
Still standing in the same spot, she thought for a moment, as if reviewing in her mind the whole past conversation, and then...
"You're weird," she said without any hesitation, looking me straight in the eye.
"And?" I said insistently.
"You hardly talk at all, and obviously not because you're not very talkative, but rather because you have trouble getting involved in a conversation," she observed.
I nodded my head in agreement. She had noticed this detail, despite the fact that I was trying to hide it.
"I have a problem..." I said while pointing at myself.
"We all have problems..." She sighed lightly.
This was a sign that she was joking.
It was a reaction that showed that she didn't seem to be afraid of me anymore. But it also meant that she was inviting me to keep talking.
"I think you are the one who can help me solve this problem..." I explained.
The words 'solve a problem' made her react, because she was suddenly very interested and came forward to sit down hurriedly in front of me.
And a few seconds later, she had her notebook and pen in her hand again; a serious expression on her face.
"Does this problem involve following someone? Or conducting an investigation?" She asked with eyes sparkling with curiosity.
Maybe she thought I wanted to seek her services as a private investigator.
I needed her, yes. But not in that way. Not in the way she imagined.
I shook my head negatively, which immediately caused her to abandon her good humor for a more dull, disappointed expression.
I even heard her click her tongue, obviously annoyed; before she started to observe what was happening outside through the window behind me.
"About what I saw yesterday..." I said to get her attention. "I don't really know what I saw, but I know you don't want me to talk about it..."
It worked, because immediately she shifted her gaze back to me.
"If that's what you want, I'm okay with it." I added. "I won't say anything..."
She frowned a little more, not liking the direction my words were taking.
And as if to maintain her composure and avoid getting angry with me, she took a colored ceramic cup and poured some tea into it that had been kept hot until now in the electric kettle.
"But?" she raised her head slightly backwards. "You want me to help you solve your 'problem' in return, right?"
At least we were on the same page. I knew what she wanted, and she also knew what I wanted in return.
"And so, what's the problem?" She asked while bringing the cup to her lips.
I hadn't really told anyone about it until now; truth be told. The only people who really knew about my affliction were my parents, as well as the various doctors I had met in my life. And until now, there had never been any sign of improvement. That is, until last night.
So if this was my only chance, I had to take it.
Looking her straight in the eye, I said:
"I'm a zombie."