As soon as I said these words, she spat out the sip of tea she had taken and started to cough. It even came out of her nose. It wasn't pretty at all.
She had probably swallowed wrong, being so energetic and hasty in her movements. And because of that, my own shirt was now covered with little light spots.
But I wasn't the type to be disgusted for so little.
"That's what people say about me, everyday..." I continued, as she struggled to catch her breath. "That I'm a zombie, a robot, or whatever..."
She gave me an annoyed look, but I didn't know why she was doing that. Then she wiped her mouth on the sleeve of her kimono, not caring about the stains it might leave on the fabric.
"On a daily basis, people are quick to abandon any discussion with me," I continued.
"Let me guess: your attitude turns them off?" She asked point-blank.
I nodded. At least I didn't have to explain myself too much. She seemed to be able to connect the dots without me having to go into too much detail.
But I still had to explain to her exactly what was going on.
"My problem is that I can't express my emotions..." I confessed, while lowering my gaze slightly. "And that I also have trouble identifying the behavior of other people around me."
She raised her two eyebrows a little, as if surprised; and she stopped moving her hands, which until now had been gently tapping the top of the kotatsu.
I couldn't blame her for reacting that way. People often didn't know how to interact or how to deal with me once they found out about it. Anything out of the ordinary was sometimes too boring and difficult to grasp. It was too much effort on one person.
So they gave up. They didn't care about me anymore. And I would stop making the effort to understand them. Why should I try to understand them when themselves didn't do it for me?
However, since this strange woman had turned things upside down, I felt as if that possibility was once again within my grasp.
I had never felt this strange sensation with anyone. So it was quite possible that she could be the solution I was waiting for.
Once she got past the initial shock, she tapped her index finger on the table twice, before asking me:
"You don't know what could have caused this?"
The question must have surprised me a bit, because she enjoyed watching me search for my words for a little while; lost in what I wanted to say.
Except for the medical doctors I had consulted, and my close family, no one had ever bothered to ask me that. So I had to go back into my memories to remember what I should say in this kind of situation, when faced with this kind of question.
"I don't know," I finally said. "As long as I can remember, it's always been like that."
I saw curiosity creep over the young woman. It seemed that I intrigued her. But in what aspects precisely, that was yet to be discovered.
"And so, what exactly do you want from me?" She asked. "It's not like this kind of problem can be solved just like that, with a snap of the fingers..."
To emphasize this fact, she had quickly snapped her fingers at the same time she had said those words.
She seemed very impulsive in her actions. I had noticed from the beginning that she was always doing multiple things at once, kind of like those mothers who juggled with all the things they had to do in a single day.
"I'd like you to repeat what you told me last night," I said without hesitation.
And immediately her cheeks turned pink; while at the same time, she looked away and entangled the fingers of her two hands together in front of her.
This made me understand that she was embarrassed by my words.
"Re... Repeat what?" She stammered without daring to look at me.
"That you have feelings for me." I answered immediately.
She nervously tightened and loosened her fingers, before finally deciding to look at me; with a certain air of defiance.
"It's not as if it's easy to say it straight away!" She exclaimed.
Then she lost her energy, and quickly added with a sorry look:
"And I usually say it like that, without really meaning it..."
Oh, I see.
She had probably said that in the heat of the moment, without thinking.
"So, you don't really have feelings for me?" I asked, a little confused.
She frowned, the ends of her eyebrows close to her eyes higher than the ends on the sides of her forehead; and pressed her lips together. She seemed genuinely sorry she'd said that, and to confirm my analysis, she shook her head negatively.
She had no feelings for me. So be it.
But I wasn't going to give up. Not now.
"In that case, fall in love with me," I offered.
She gasped at the enormity of what I had just said.
"No, hang on!" She exclaimed, waving her hands at me again. "That's not how it works!"
I had an unpleasant feeling of deja vu.
But maybe I was imagining things.
"How does it work, then?" I asked as I leaned toward her.
"You have to like the person first, and for that you have to spend time together... Well, I guess?" She stammered.
"In that case, let's spend some time together," I said to counter her argument, while now leaning above the kotatsu with both hands pressed on it.
My words made her blush even more than before, and she began to lean back on her cushion.
"I... I'm busy enough as it is every day!" She contradicted me firmly.
By now, her emotions were too intertwined for me to properly analyze her behavior. It seemed that she was feeling several things at once, which made it difficult to interpret her.
"I won't bother you, and I'll assist you, if needed," I negotiated while leaning even more toward her over the kotatsu. "If you're too busy, there may be things you don't have time to handle."
My counter-argument displeased her greatly - by the look on her face - because the more I contradicted her, the more she lost ground to my insistence. And the closer I got to my goal - to get her agreement - the closer I physically got to her again.
I may not have been able to express myself like the others, but in the meantime I could be just as stubborn as they were; if not more so.
"You're too..." She began to mumble.
It was getting harder and harder to follow the conversation. So maybe lingering on the micro-expressions on her face would help me grasp what she was trying to tell me.
"I'm too what?" I repeated while bringing my face even closer to hers; to get a better view.
Was I being too insistent? Was I being too rude? What did she think I was?
It didn't take long for me to finally learn that.
"You're too close, there!" She suddenly exclaimed in a loud voice, which made my ears twitch.
And without warning, she punched me in the face. A punch that was far too powerful - even for a woman - and caused me to stumble backwards and fall with all my weight.
Forget about deja vu. It was definitely a repeat of what had happened the day before, much to my dismay.
'Damn it, was every encounter I had with this woman going to end in a beating and me being knocked out?' I thought to myself before sinking back into unconsciousness.