I mean, the meaning should be clear, right? Why is she just staring at me? Why isn't she picking the adorable baby up and cuddling me? Did I freak her out too much with this whole 'blessing' thing?
Cindy giggles. "I think he wants you to hold him."
"Huh? Why would he want me to hold him?" Amanda asks.
"He likes you."
"Really? But I don't know how?"
"What about your own children? Didn't you carry them?"
Amanda shook her head. "Reegan thought it was unbecoming. He said that's what servants are for."
"Where the hell does he get these ideas?" Amelia asks, having just arrived.
"He has this weird notion about always appearing perfect," Rowan says. "'Perception is reality,' he keeps saying. I don't know if it's true, but I perceive that my brother-in-law is a bit of an ass."
I flash him a thumbs up, not that anyone noticed. I fucking hate people like that. The world could be breaking around them, and instead of being honest, they put up a facade. I get not looking weak in front of enemies, but these ass-clowns believe their own bullshit. They think it doesn't stink. I turn back to Amanda and reaffirm my desire to be held by her.
"Wha-what do I do?" she asks.
Cindy smiles, sets Molly in her bassinet, walks over to Amanda. "Here, sit comfortably, and I'll help you out."
Cindy picks me up and sets me in Amanda's lap. "Okay. Place your arm here. Make sure you support the head. There you are. See. You're a natural."
I snuggle in and think calm, happy, loving thoughts. Amanda probably became more introverted by living with that animatronic ass hat. If we can help her out of her shell, maybe Cousin Reegan and Hester can have at least one emotionally available parent.
She is rather comfortable. It's kind of making me sleepy. Maybe I'll just close my eyes for a few minutes.
.
.
.
People talk around babies. They mostly get treated like potatoes that make a noise when uncomfortable, whether from hunger or filling their pants. What they don't usually have, is a comprehension of what is really going on in peoples' conversations. I emphasize 'usually' in this case because you rarely know when your baby is a reincarnated nerd with an agenda. My current agenda involved growing up and living an interesting life, but not in a cursed way. My side agenda, which is more relevant here, is to do the same for Amanda.
Maybe I'm a sucker, but I really hate seeing people live a half-life when they deserve a full life. Amanda was a lovely girl. I would say woman, but I don't think she's been allowed the luxury to develop that far emotionally. She was sheltered as a commodity and married off to the highest bidder. She's allowed no agency, no autonomy, and no love. She's severely touch-starved and slowly suffocating. Amanda is like a potted plant left in a closet with no sunlight or water, slowly wilting, and it would make me grind my teeth if I had any teeth to grind.
What I've learned, listening to the conversations of people around me, is that my initial thought on Uncle Reegan and Amanda's relationship was pretty spot on. He doesn't even consider her a wife really; more like an accessory there for appearances. I started wondering if this was related to early trauma, such as when his mother died. Still, according to Lucy and Estelle, he'd always been a cold and distant child unable to form even the most basic of connections. Perhaps the loss of his mother did affect the degree of his lack of empathy, but it wasn't the source.
What it boils down to is Reegan suffers from several neurological issues that have completely screwed his emotional development. In comparison, Amanda has stunted emotional development from neglect and emotional abuse. I can't even blame all of it on Reegan. Her family should have met Reegan for the first time and said, 'Oh, hell no,' but instead, it was like they were selling off a cow to slaughter.
We all have traumas that impact our development and emotional intelligence. If we're introspective about it, we can mitigate some of the damage, but when that trauma is ongoing, that's where healing is difficult. I'm no psychologist, but I know fucked up when I see it, and these two need to be separated so Amanda can heal, and I'm pretty sure other people see it as well. Estelle even suggests that Amanda and the children stay here at least through the duration of the war.
I'm all for that; growing up in that toxic household would only hurt the kids. The fact that they're not complete monsters already is shocking. Probably, the biggest reason they're not monsters and Amanda isn't a husk completely devoid of human emotion I attribute to Aunt Lucy and Uncle Archie.
Their territory is directly adjacent to Reegan's, and Lucy insists on frequent visits and playdates for the kids. Lucy rises in my estimations. That lilliputian bundle of leather, lace, and bounce can't help but infect those around her with her energy, and it seems like cousin Alex inherited much from her. The kid is a natural leader with his mother's charisma and his father's size and presence; the other kids flock to him.
It's reassuring that cousin Reegan had taken to Alex so well and seemed to not suffer from his father's mentality. Even showing frenetic energy completely at odds with his parents' complete lack. His older sister Hester, on the other hand, I am a little concerned about. She's quiet, but that may be her mother's quiet, a natural quiet, and not something more... insidious. As for Kodo and Podo, they just seem shy but curious.
God, every time I think of their names, I think of that damn movie. I have an unnatural urge to help them become something like beast tamers in the future. Maybe I'll get them a bird monster named Sharak and a cat-like monster named Ruh. Yeah, I'm totally going to push them towards that. Our age difference may be a problem, but I figure I can work around that. I've got time. Shit, that's all I've got right now. I wanted to study the beasties of the world anyway.
.
.
.
The rest of that week went pretty well, actually. Rowan and Archie spent time with their respective wives and children, and Uncle Reegan spent time with grandfather discussing finance and business opportunities. Rowan is not such a bad father, I guess. His plan is to accumulate enough merit to solidify his position and be granted a baronet. I can't really fault him for it, but he better not make Amelia sad, or he'll pay a dire price. Grandfather has already set aside lands, and they're even building a manor on it for us. I hope they remember the onsen.
After some discussions and back and forth, it was decided by the 'adults' that Lucy would accompany the men-folk back to the front lines. She's apparently a high-tier Pyromancer like Reegan. Hell, I didn't know that either of them could use magic. I really need to learn more about this world's magic system.
In addition, for safety's sake, Amanda and the cousins are all going to remain here in Buckner Manor for the duration. How long is that? Rough estimate, five to seven years. Wow. That just seems like a long time for people to be away from their families. Assuming they all survive. I wonder what the war is even about, but of course, I get my answer, and it's what war is almost always about. Greed. Well, greed and dick-waving.
.
.
.
"It's a thousand square miles, Reegan!" Grandma Estelle shouts. "We should let it, the fuck, go. It's depleting more resources than the area will provide for a hundred years and is leaving our interior vulnerable to Dungeon Surge."
"Estelle, the dungeons are all still managed by the guilds," Grandfather replies with a long-suffering tone. "The risk is minimal, and the deposits of rare metals and elemental crystals are huge. Besides, if we give up the lands now, our reputation will take a massive hit. The crown won't stand for it."
"Spoken like someone who has never suffered through a Surge or even seen the destruction caused. We risk becoming a new Voidland. The guilds are understaffed and aren't able to send out enough seekers when more than half of all adventurers are being conscripted for this stupid war. What happens when they miss a new dungeon's birth, and it bursts? Will those rare metals and elemental crystals replace the millions of lives that will be lost then?"
"You're overreacting, dear. There are still patrols and seekers going out. If there are signs of a new dungeon forming, I'm certain the guilds and the crown will respond appropriately. "
It was patronizing, and I'm shocked that Grandma Estelle didn't bitch slap the taste out of his mouth for it but instead just walked away. On the other hand, I noticed she started insisting on giving all the cousins basic combat lessons several times a week after that conversation.
.
.
.
As the week came to a close, I could feel a sense of melancholy weigh down on Amelia. It wasn't just that Rowan was returning to the front, but that she couldn't go with him. Well, she could, but I couldn't and they both agreed that one of them had to stay and he had to go for the plan to work. What's funny, is that she wasn't the least bit nervous about Rowan being killed in action. The idea was just absurd to her. Apparently, the likelihood of Rowan coming up against a soldier from the other kingdom that could rival him enough that he couldn't at least escape was farfetched. It makes me wonder just how badass my parents are relative to the average soldier? And even more so, how badass is grandma?
Speaking of people who were pissed about the war, Estelle made no attempt to hide her disdain for the whole thing. "Why must you go through with this, Rowan?" she asked. "You usually have such a good head on your shoulders."
"I know how you feel, Estelle, but Amelia and I could close a hundred dungeons and never get a lick of merit from the crown, but my participation in this war will give us what we need to create a stable and solid footing for the future. We need that, now more than ever. Jeims needs that."
Estelle let out a frustrated growl. "Grrr- Fine, but you are not allowed to slack in your training anymore. Amelia is on the cusp of advancement and she already is a match for you despite having a lower-ranked Sortis. I wonder how quickly she'll kick your ass once she's on equal footing."
"I'd be lying if I said the thought didn't keep me up at night, but don't worry, I've learned my lesson."
"You'd better, or Amelia isn't the only one that will be kicking you around the practice yard."
I'm pretty sure that dad's face turned to match his hair color at that promise. I don't think Estelle has to worry about him sticking to his training.
Uncle Reegan had very little to say to his wife and children, and what it was made me reconsider practicing biokinesis on live human subjects. It amounted to, "Don't embarrass me. Image is everything. Perception is reality."
I mean, can the guy get any douchier? I get it. He doesn't have a real emotional connection, but at least fake it a little bit. Perception is reality, for real dude. In contrast, Uncle Archie and Aunt Lucy were model parents.
"Take care of the younger kids Alex. I'm counting on you. Listen to your Aunt Amelia and Lady Estelle, they are true warriors. Follow their example," Archie said.
"Yes, father."
Lucy had the twins in a bear hug. "Oh, my two little ferrets."
Seriously? Is that like a true story in this world?
"Mum and dad are going to miss you so much. I'm going to miss pinching those cheeks especially."
Koda and Podo's eyes went wide and both clapped their hands over their cheeks... the ones on the face in case it wasn't obvious.
Then it was Rowan's turn to say goodbye and the PDA was pretty intense. I can't blame them, they're going to be apart for at least a year and possibly several, but no one wants to watch their parents snog and slurp each other's faces.
Finally, he came over to me and Cindy passed me to him. "Sorry for being an absentee father, son. I'd much rather be here to watch you grow. I don't expect you to understand this, but I'm trying to build us something for the future. It won't be forever. I promise."
Dude, if you raise one more flag, I'm going to have to cripple your legs so you can't go. Fuck, man, get out of here already. Good thing you're already married or the gods would be rolling dice to see who gets to kill you off in the most horrible way.
"Well, how about it? Can you say dada?"
Oh, go away.
"Well, maybe next time then."
Shut up already. Do you want to die?
He passes me over to a smiling Amelia. They nod to each other and he mounts his horse.
He smiles back and Amelia waves my hand. "Say bye-bye dada."
Sigh. Fine, just to lower that flag. "Buh-bye, dada."