Probably, the first thing you should know about me is that I'm a nerd, or perhaps, a geek. Dork may fit also. Otaku isn't quite right, although I do love me some anime, manga, and light novels. Basically, I'm a drifter. I wander, aimlessly, through the philosophies and hobbies of the semi-fringe, but I never really sit firmly in any camp. At least that's how I always felt.

I'm a chameleon that adapts to my surroundings because I'm afraid to be too different, but my camouflage is not very good, so I still don't really fit in anywhere. I'm sure there are a plethora of issues a psychologist could be able to pick out that contributed to my situation. Still, I never really felt comfortable with engaging with one.

Internet psychology probably didn't help much, either. Anxiety disorder? Check. Executive disfunction? Is that why I can never finish the projects I start? Low self-esteem? I think there was a song written about that. Panic attacks? Why, what have you heard? If you suffer from these symptoms, then Fukitol may be right for you. Ah, pharmaceuticals, I'd have to actually get prescribed them to take them. They'd probably help, but I never was able to take that step. See anxiety disorder, fear, and executive disfunction for possible reasons why.

It's not that my life sucks or sucked, far from it. My life, with the exception of certain semi-self-inflicted disasters, has been pretty mediocre with occasional bursts of brilliance. I think most people could relate to one aspect of my life or another. Despite my issues, I have a job I don't completely hate but is still vastly disappointing, a loving relationship, and a stable, some might call it mind-numbingly boring, life. Hey, I know I've painted a picture of a mouth-breathing pocket-protector-equipped nerd cliché, but I don't really fall into that category either.

Growing up, I was above average physically. Not a sports star by any means, but I had a decent physique, athleticism, and all modesty aside, attractive features. Not a model, but not a hideous fucking C.H.U.D., either. Intelligence wise I was, again, well above average. Okay, so technically, I fall in the spectrum that people would refer to as genius if we're going by the numbers, but trust me, I'm dumb in all the wrong places. Between my aforementioned issues, certain external family issues, and my crippling lack of motivation, any advantage I received from having a high IQ was effectively nullified.

Lots of hopes, lots of dreams, lots of potential, and a lot of soul-crushing failures. Maybe that's why it happened. There's no pill to cure regrets, but maybe every once in a while, a god will look down and see the regrets building up in someone's soul, causing it to become unbalanced and heavy. Instead of just throwing it into a shredder and trying again, maybe the god will give the soul another shot—a chance to go for the gold and reach their potential.

Yeah, I doubt it too, but I've been wrong before. In fact, sitting here is this dreaming, drifting, slightly glowing place, I get the feeling that I'm not in Kansas anymore. Okay, I never was in Kansas, to begin with, but unless you live under a rock, you understand what I'm saying. I would think it's a dream, but I've never had this level of clarity and calm even in my most lucid dreams. There is no sense of anxiety or anticipation. It just... is.

Well... until. "MORTAL," the booming voice bellowed, nearly knocking me off my seat.

I flailed about for a moment before finally righting myself. "What the hell," I yelled back. "Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"WELL, WE'RE A LITTLE LATE FOR THAT."

I frowned. "Wait, are you serious?" That was concerning, but now that I think of it, it makes a certain amount of sense. I'd gone to seed in the last dozen or so years, and the extra weight combined with those other issues probably lead me to hypertension or some other problem that went undiagnosed.

"'FRAID SO," the voice said. 'WELCOME TO AN AFTERLIFE."

Shit! "So, how did it happen?"

"PRETTY MUCH THE WAY YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD. DON'T WORRY, YOU MANAGED TO TIDY UP AND MAKE THE CALL. SHE WON'T HAVE TO FIND YOU."

At least maybe I minimized my significant other's trauma. "Thank god."

"YOU'RE WELCOME."

I frowned again. "Wait, really?"

"WELL, YEAH. ONE OF THEM ANYWAY. WHAT DID YOU THINK I WAS?"

I shrugged. "I pretty much guessed, but confirmation is better than assumption. You could be a hallucination, the last burst of a dying brain, or even an alien, but I was hoping for a benevolent god because what else have I got? You are benevolent, aren't you?"

"MEH. DEPENDS ON MY MOOD."

"Well, since we're having a pleasant, if loud, conversation and you're not filling my soul with terror or dread, I'll go out on a limb and guess you're in a benevolent mood. By the way, am I really just a soul right now? I kinda feel pretty... I don't know, solid yet squishy?"

"I'VE GIVEN YOU A TEMPORARY VESSEL UNTIL YOU ARE SENT ON TO YOUR NEXT DESTINATION."

"Oh, cool. So, what's next? Weighing of the soul? Judgment? I'll be honest; it doesn't feel that weighty right now. Is there something different that goes on?"

"THAT DEPENDS ON THE SOUL AND THE CIRCUMSTANCES. I DON'T USUALLY HANDLE THESE MATTERS, BUT I TOOK AN INTEREST THIS TIME."

That was surprising. "I'd say I'm honored, but honestly, that... is a little terrifying. On the upside, I have the undivided attention of an infinitely powerful being. On the downside, I have the undivided attention of an infinitely powerful being. If I hadn't already had a heart attack, I'm sure my heart would be beating like a cornered rabbit's."

"THAT IS A FAIR ASSESSMENT. I'LL CUT TO THE CHASE TO ALLEVIATE THE TERROR A LITTLE." Now, he's just being cheeky (I think they're a 'he' anyway, I never asked for their pronouns). "I'M NOT HAPPY WITH HOW THINGS TURNED OUT FOR YOU AND I'M GIVING YOU ANOTHER SHOT."

Oh, the hits keep coming. "Really? I mean, I was always a little disappointed, but I figured most people were."

"SPECIAL CIRCUMSTANCES. LET'S JUST SAY SOMEONE SNUCK A WORM IN THE PROGRAMMING AND CHANGED A FEW OUTCOMES. IT CREATED AN IMBALANCE, AND YOU'RE THE REMAINDER."

"Wow, I didn't think I'd rate so high. Okay, so, am I just going straight back or... hey, can I start over? Like, go back to when I was a kid? That would be great. I could fix at least a few of my mistakes and maybe even correct some regrets."

"SURE, WE CAN SET THAT AS ONE OF YOUR THREE PERSONALIZED PARAMETERS."

"Personalized parameters?"

"THINK OF THEM LIKE WISHES."

"AHH... I think I just had an orgasm. Can souls have orgasms? Maybe it was a nerdgasm." My little nerd heart was getting overwhelmed.

"SO, WHAT WILL IT BE?"

"Erm... I'm assuming omnipotence is right out?"

"HAHA. YEAH, BECOMING A GOD IMMEDIATELY IS A LITTLE MORE THAN WE ARE WILLING TO DO. YOU'LL NEED TO EARN YOUR DIVINITY."

That caught my attention. "But it is possible?"

"OH, SURE. THERE HAVE BEEN A FEW MORTALS THAT HAVE ATTAINED GODHOOD."

Should that be my goal? A system would probably be most useful, but I'm not too fond of the idea of adding more stress with set quests. I thought for a few minutes. The idea has merit. It's digging into my old bag of tricks, but since it's my bag of tricks, it would suit me best. Now to see if I can pull it off. "Would it be possible...," I started slowly. "to design my own system?"

"HMMM. HOW WOULD YOU WANT TO SET IT UP?"

"During my life, I worked on and off on a tabletop RPG that I never finished designing. All the systems were pretty much in place, but I never finished with the filler all the crunchy bits. I had ideas for a bunch of them, but I never completed it," I said.

"YES. I SEE IT. RATHER AMBITIOUS. A LITTLE OVERLY COMPLICATED FOR A TABLETOP GAME, BUT I CAN SEE WHERE YOU WERE GOING WITH IT. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?"

I smile. "I'm sure you already know. The whole omniscience thing, after all, it's less of a traditional video game-style system and more of a life tracking and allocation system, but do you think you could help me flesh it out?"

"..."

"Too much?"

"WHAT? NO, THAT'S FINE. I WAS JUST... THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE. IF I UNDERSTAND CORRECTLY, YOU WANT TO MAKE THIS INCOMPLETE ROLEPLAYING SYSTEM INTO A COMPLETE GROWTH SYSTEM WITH THE HOLES FILLED IN WITH APPROPRIATE ABILITIES AND FEATURES. IS THAT WHAT YOU HAVE IN MIND?"

"Spot on. Also, no quest system. As much as the bonuses that usually accompany that sort of system would rock, I don't want to feel pressured to follow someone else's plan. I'd also like to be able to build myself using the character creation of that system with some bonuses for having lived a previous life," I said with a huge pleading smile. I got the distinct impression that the god was rolling their eyes at me.

"I THINK SOMETHING CAN BE ARRANGED. YOUR REQUEST DOESN'T EXCEED THE PARAMETERS OF THE EXCHANGE. I'LL INPUT YOUR PREVIOUS LIFE EXPERIENCE AS YOUR BASELINE AND YOU CAN USE YOUR POINTS TO ROUND YOURSELF OUT. HOWEVER, MUCH LIKE NOT BEING ABLE TO WISH FOR INFINITE WISHES, YOU CAN'T WISH FOR EXTRA POINTS."

Exchange? What exchange is that? Actually, never mind. I don't want to know. I'm going to suspend my suspicions because the machinations of gods are way above my paygrade. "I guess that would be the easiest way. I pretty much guessed I wouldn't be able to get more bonus points. So, how long do you think-"

"DONE."

"Seriously?"

"YEAH."

"My part took years of trial and error, and you just built and balanced a system in a heartbeat?"

"I AM A GOD, AFTER ALL."

They had a point. "Fair, I suppose."

"CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE. YOU DID A DECENT JOB ON THE PARTS YOU WORKED WITH. I JUST TRANSLATED AND BALANCED ALREADY EXISTING POWERS, ABILITIES, AND OTHER FACTORS INTO THE SYSTEM AND VICE VERSA."

"Thanks, that means a lot." I may have been stoic on the outside, but I was a bubbling mess on the inside. A god just gave me props. I feel like all the self-esteem issues were just blown straight away. Oh wait, they're back. Why do I have self-esteem issues even after death?

"IT'S CALLED AN ECHO."

Confused, I ask, "I'm sorry?"

"YOUR ANXIETY. IT WAS SUCH A PERVASIVE PART OF YOUR LIFE THAT IT HAS ATTACHED ITSELF TO YOUR SOUL. WHEN THIS HAPPENS, WE CALL IT AN ECHO. MOST SOULS HAVE ONE OR TWO."

"Great. So, that means, even in my next life, I'm going to be an anxious wreck?"

"IT'S USUALLY TO A LESSER EXTENT, AND IT WILL BE EASIER TO OVERCOME AS IT WON'T BE REINFORCED BY HORMONAL IMBALANCES AND SOCIAL PRESSURES."

"Well, that's almost comforting," I mumble under my breath.

"WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE YOUR CHARACTER SHEET?"

A screen appears in front of me with a detailed outline of my previous life's accomplishments. I was underwhelmed. "Why are my skills so low?"

"REMEMBER WHAT THE LEVELS ARE EQUIVALENT TO? THEY ONLY SEEM LOW RELATIVE TO THE MAXIMUM. REALLY, THEY'RE ABOUT AT THE LEVEL THAT THE AVERAGE PERSON WOULD HAVE. YOU ALSO HAPPEN TO HAVE MORE OF THEM THAN MOST PEOPLE. A JACK OF ALL TRADES IN SOME REGARDS, BUT REALLY, YOU OFTEN RELIED ON YOUR NATURAL ATTRIBUTES, IN PARTICULAR, YOUR INTELLECT TO DO THE HEAVY LIFTING TO PUZZLE THINGS OUT INSTEAD OF PROPERLY LEARNING THE SKILL YOU NEEDED."

"Speaking of attributes, why are my body stats so low?"

"WELL, YOU DID SAY YOU WANTED TO START OFF AS A CHILD, SO WE CAPPED YOUR PHYSICAL ABILITIES. YOU'LL BE ABLE TO RAISE THEM ONCE YOU HAVE YOUR NEW BODY. ALSO, YOUR AGILITY IS CAPPED SINCE IT IS THE LINK BETWEEN MIND AND BODY."

"I guess that's a downside of childhood. That and all the fucked up shit my family does. Oh, well, maybe I can mitigate that crap once I'm back there."

I look over the rest of the page. My Body Stats, Strength, Endurance, and Resilience, are capped at one as is the Mind Stat, Agility. My Soul Stats, Charisma and Will are at three which is what I set the human average at when I was designing the system. The third Soul Stat, Poise, was only at two. That makes sense as I used Poise to represent self-confidence and drive. I couldn't be said to be the most assertive of people. I definitely want to improve that in this next incarnation.

My two highest Stats are the Mind Stats Intellect and Wits. Intellect is at the normal human maximum of six and Wits is set to four. All of the Stats are of what I called the Standard Magnitude. This is because there was nothing superhuman about me nor anything seriously deficient.

As for skills, nothing really stood out. My highest-ranked skill was at a three and I had a smattering of others across almost all fields except the ones that didn't exist in real life, like magic.-

Hang on. If supernatural divine beings exist, then...

"Hey, can I see a-I dunno, players' handbook or something?"

"OF COURSE. IT WOULD BE DIFFICULT TO ADD TO YOURSELF IF YOU DIDN'T."

Shelves containing no less than one thousand books appeared to the side.

"Holy shit," I said in awe. If you took all the roleplaying books from all the systems I ever played in and stacked them up, they still wouldn't equal half of the number of books there were in my system. It had been brewed as a universal system that could incorporate anything. Want to play in a fantasy world? No problem. Sci-fi? All of your base are belong to us. Wild West? Superheroes? Steampunk? Cyberpunk? Bring it on.

You just include the parts that fit and go from there. I, however, have been granted carte blanche to use every part of the system including the parts I didn't even understand yet. Dangerous with a capital D. Not just to me, but to the world.