"H-His mother?"
"That's right," Len re-iterated grimly. "I don't know if he has told you, but Desir's father left him and his mother when he was very young. Too young to even say words."
"Yes, I've heard."
"Oh, you did?" Len was genuinely surprised. It seemed he didn't expect Desir to trust me that much yet. "Then did he tell you that his mother had remarried twice?"
"H-Huh?"
Desir's mother got remarried twice? Now that's news to me. Desir rarely mentioned anything about his family, let alone the fact that he had stepfathers.
"Yeah… Once when Desir was five and another when he was fifteen. Desir never liked any of his stepfathers, so it isn't strange that you'd never heard of them."
"Were they… abusive?"
"Haha, nothing of the sort!" Len laughed heartily as he saw I misunderstood. H-Hey, it wasn't surprising to see a stepfather abuse their spouse's child… was it?
"Abusive stepfathers only appear in movies and novels; real stepfathers are quite different." Len corrected my misunderstanding with a grin. "Most of them try to be a parent in the beginning since they do want to impress their spouses. However, you can't expect them to actually treat another child as their own. After all, they aren't related by flesh and blood."
I blushed and tried to hide my embarrassment by looking away, but Len caught my gaze. He continued: "Desir's relationship with his stepfathers can be described with one word… Indifference."
"Indifference?"
"Yes," Len replied. "Desir didn't like his stepfathers, and his stepfathers didn't really like him either. So, instead of fighting, they treated Desir with a certain distance. Of course, they didn't isolate him or deny him pocket money or anything, but the bottom line was… They didn't treat him like a son."
"I-I see..."
"But honestly, Desir didn't care about his stepfathers. All he needed was his mother, who loved him dearly." Len looked up at the ceiling, and a rare jubilant smile crept up his lips. "Desir loved his mother. He loved her more than anything in the world. She was his angel and his guiding light. She was the one thing that he could call family."
"So it was unfortunate… That he had to witness his mother's happiness burn to ashes."
Len dropped his gaze, and his fingers fiddled with the teaspoon in his coffee.
"For whatever reason, Desir's mother was never able to hold a relationship together. So, Desir had a front-row seat in watching the progression of all her romances. From the time she fell in love. All of the roses and sugar of early infatuations. Then, the marriages. The crystallisation of those romances. And lastly… the divorces. The arguments, the tears and the pain of separation."
"It was a cruel thing… To let a young boy watch the failures of love at such a young age. Desir will not admit it, but this is the real reason why he denies romantic love. Subconsciously, he has pictured that all romances will end in separations. And when his mother passed away..."
Len continued to swirl his coffee cup, not knowing that the metallic clanks were already drawing the attention of customers from the adjacent table.
"When his mother passed away… Desir had finally snapped. You know what he said to me then?"
"... What?"
"At the end of the day… Everyone ends up alone."
"..."
That… sounds like something Desir would say.
"Desir watched firsthand as his mother fell in love with other men. He watched her fleeting happiness from the side. And finally, he watched her suffer at the very end. As Desir grew older, he learnt more about the science of love. He believed that love was nothing more than a mental reaction for a man and a woman to create a child. And once the child was created..."
Len reached out and held Sienna's hand. It was as if he was seeking warmth… validation that his feelings were legitimate and not a passing ember in the wind.
"... Once a child was born, love would fade, and they would eventually split. So, as a consequence, Desir made his own conclusion. 'Love is a waste of time. A disease that stays in the body. And, nothing more than raging hormones overriding one's sanity.' That was his warped logic."
"..."
The table fell silent. Sienna watched her boyfriend with bated breath as if there was a knot in her heart. Meanwhile, her said boyfriend was desperately trying to retain his composure. And me?
I was unable to speak a single word.
"Desir was never given a good example of what relationships should be from his parents. He was ignored and avoided by other girls his age. He was manipulated and used by those he tried to get close with. And finally… When his mother passed away… That was the final straw."
Len looked me in the eyes, his tone turning wholly sombre.
"Ultimately, to protect himself, Desir created an iron creed. One that would give him mental protection from the suffering that he and his mother experienced. A doctrine that will let him live his entire life in peace… I'm sure that you've heard of it before."
"... I've sworn off all relationships."
I repeated the phrase that Desir used time and time again.
"That's right," Len solemnly nodded. "Ever since he made that oath, Desir has been subconsciously pushing out any notion of romance. I understand why he does it; I really do! But honestly… I don't think that it's right."
"..."
"Desir's current state of mind is influenced by his traumatic past. You know, ever since his mother passed away, the Desir I knew as a child disappeared. He would never let his emotions get the better of him and his innocent smile… The foolish joker that made me laugh no matter what… was gone."
Len scratched his thumbs like a nervous wreck. "It was as if… Desir had lost a piece of his soul."
"That's the reason why I'd keep trying to introduce him to a nice girl, someone that could break him out of his shell and let him open up once more. I'd thought if he could experience love just once… He would revert back to the Desir I knew."
"So that's the reason why you keep setting him up on blind dates, even though he would reject them every time." Sienna finally opened her mouth with a knowing expression.
"That's right," Len nodded. "Other than me, there's no one else in the world that cares for Desir. I was afraid that once we grew old, Desir would be all alone with no one to rely on."
"That's not true!" I retorted with a shout. "I won't leave him alone!"
"I'm sorry, Althea. While that's nice to hear, I don't think you know what your place is in Desir's heart right now."
"H-Huh?"
W-What does he mean?
"I'd asked him before. How he felt about you and whether there was a chance that you would get together. You know what he said? He said that you were just a stray puppy to him. A poor creature that was caught up in the pandemic and needed healing."
That's… what Desir thinks of me?
"He said that once the pandemic was over, he wouldn't mind if you reverted back to neighbours."
Neighbours? Just that?
"He also said that he would keep his distance from you and encourage you to meet new people to forge new relationships."
Please… Stop… I can't listen anymore.
"He said that he was just a footnote in your life, nothing more."
Please… Stop...
"And when it was all over… He wouldn't mind turning back into strangers."
"STOP!!!"
I screamed.
For the first time in my adult life… I cried in pain.
Neighbours? Strangers? Me and Desir? Why would you say such a cruel thing?
There was silence in the cafe. My outburst might have drawn many stares, but I couldn't see any of them. I hung my head down and struggled to keep my emotions in check. It was all too much for one conversation.
"... I should leave."
After a few agonising seconds, I could hear Len's deep voice permeating through my bones. His tone seemed like he was apologetic, but I wasn't able to deduce anything more. My face was firmly plastered on the table, and my thoughts were all over the place.
"But before I do, Althea… Let me give you a word of advice." Len paused as he gently tapped on my shoulders.
"Figure out your feelings for Desir as soon as you can. If you approach him with half-baked feelings, all you will get… are rejections. Desir will never make the first move. And if you do want to be his girlfriend… Approach him with an iron resolve."
With that, Len left the cafe in the silence of the backdrop.
❖❖❖
"Are you sure you don't want me to accompany you all the way home?"
"... yes, it's fine," I sluggishly replied to Sienna. "From here, it's a five-minute walk."
After our little debacle, Sienna and I recused ourselves from the cafe shortly after Len left. Neither of us were willing to sit through the awkward atmosphere we created, and so Sienna walked me to my station.
"Okay, but you should call me when you reach home. It looks like it's going to rain soon."
I gazed upwards to the overcast sky. The clouds were thick, ashen grey and the warm, upbeat temperature of Spring was quickly falling. Great… It was as if the heavens could read my mind.
"... Thank you, Sienna. For today."
"No, not an issue. Stay safe, alright?"
I said my goodbyes and dragged my feet down the familiar roads.
Ah, that's the route to the park where Desir and I always frequented. Desir had always loved walking in nature, and he loved watching dogs run through the park.
There's the road to the twenty-four-hour supermarket. Haha, I remember one of our first encounters was at that beautiful place. Desir was buying beer, and I was escaping the love talk of my friends. Ever since then, we'd been going there daily for our daily necessities and groceries. Hehe, there was a time where Desir would try to haggle for cheaper fish. That serious face was both amusing and cool at the same time.
Ah, that's the vending machine that dispenses coffee! I still remember Desir's funny face as he down the entire can in one gulp...
When I had first moved here, everything was dark and grey, just like the skies above.
But now… Even the smallest thing could bring a smile to my face.
And it was all thanks to one person…
Drip… Drip… Drip…
Tiny beads of water fell from the heavens just as I reached the foot of my apartment complex. The rain stained my blouse and drenched my hair, but I didn't care. The slight drizzle quickly turned to a massive deluge, one that created rivers on the walkways.
But I didn't seek shelter.
I looked up at my building, tracing the apartments with my index finger.
Desir… His light was on.
Desir was home.
His apartment was there, right beside mine.
But would it always be there?
A life where Desir wasn't my friend. A life where Desir left my side. A life where Desir was a stranger…
I couldn't imagine it anymore.
No, just imagining it tore my heart in two. Nothing had ever caused my feelings to run amok like this. A life without Desir… Why does it hurt so much? Why do my eyes water just thinking about it? Why do I feel so empty inside?
Ah… Now I get it… It was so simple…
Why did I take so long to realise this?
I love him.
❖❖❖
"Althea, that lass… Did she bring an umbrella out?"
It has been a few hours since Althea said that she was going out to meet with friends. Naturally, I was ecstatic. If Althea could stand on her own two feet, it meant that my days as a caretaker were slowly coming to an end.
However, old habits do tend to die hard. I looked out my window and saw sheets upon sheets of rainwater slam down onto the concrete floor.
"Hmmm, I'll leave her a text just in case."
I didn't want to look like the overly attached parent, so I held back at calling her. Just a message would be sufficient. However, before I could click send, I could hear someone punching the code on my door lock.
"Oh? She's back already?"
I got to my feet and walked over to welcome her home, but…
"Althea! What happened to you? You're soaked to the bone!"
"Desir..."
"Ah, I should have reminded you to take an umbrella out! Hold on, let me get a towel for you!"
Shit, I was careless. To think that Althea would return with her entire outfit drenched. I ran into the bathroom and got a dry towel out for her. Racing back to the doorway where Althea was rooted, I gently placed the white cloth over her head and attempted to warm her.
"Althea, your body is freezing! Go home and take a hot shower! You shouldn't stay in these wet clothes!"
"..."
"Althea? Are you alright?! Did something happen?"
"..."
I called out to the black-haired beauty, who was staring blankly at me. Crap, did the rain get into her head? Was she going to catch a cold? Shit, maybe she should take a shower at my place while I go get a change of clothes for her. But, wait, I don't know her apartment's door code combination. Ah, one problem at a time.
"Althea, go take a shower-..."
"Desir!"
"Hmmm?"
Althea finally replied. She locked her eyes with me, and her fists were slowly being clenched. There seemed to be a change in the young girl, one that I wasn't familiar with. It was as if a boulder had been lifted off her chest, and she was ready to face the world. And to that earnest gaze, I could only softly ask:
"What is it?"
"Desir, I… Don't want to be a lost puppy in your eyes anymore!"
"Huh?"
"I know that it will be hard! I know that it will be an uphill battle! But I will do it nonetheless!"
"What are you talking about-..."
Before I could question her motives, Althea's arms wrapped around my weighty neck. I could have easily flung her off, but I was too stunned to do anything. All of my thoughts were erased, and I could focus on one thing and one thing only.
The smooth and delicate face that was underneath my chin.
Slowly but surely, Althea's breathtaking face edged closer to mine. Her emerald cat eyes that seemed to hold the world in them were now filled with only one thing—my very own eyes. Her untouched ruby lips that looked like the most precious of gems split themselves apart, revealing bits of her perfectly sorted teeth.
At this distance, I could count the number of quivering eyelashes she had. The faint aroma of rain and sweat. And finally, her soft and delicate touch.
And without warning…
Our lips, which had never tasted another person…
Touched.