Desir has been acting strange lately.
Ever since the day that I'd confessed my feelings, there seems to be a certain distance between us. He would react normally if I asked him a question, and he continued to cook great food for me every day. But… There seems to be a mental block between us.
In the beginning, I'd thought that it was a phase that I had to overcome. Desir had never had any intimate contact with girls before. There was sure to be some resistance to my advances.
I had prepared for that with seductive clothes and more bold moves. I went online and bought multiple new summer clothes, knowing that they may come in handy soon. Also, Sienna advised me on the best way to attract a man without coming off as too desperate.
However, as of late, I lacked any chances to present my new clothes to the man I loved.
During weekdays, Desir would remain focused on his work, and even I knew better not to disturb him then. However, on the weekends, Desir would leave the house for hours at a time. He would still prepare meals for me, but he often stayed out, long enough for me to worry.
I knew Desir's schedule at the back of my head. We did spend over five months in confinement together, after all. And according to that schedule, Desir rarely needed to leave the apartment. The only times he did leave the house was for food or exercise.
Yes, there would be times where he would hang out with Len or go back to the office to handle some administrative duties, but from what I understood, it was neither of those scenarios.
Sienna told me that Desir and Len had a falling out, so that's ruled out. As for returning to the office, Desir hated the very thought of that. Even if he did return to the office, he would at most stay for an hour or two.
So, it begs the question…
Where is he going?
I sat silently at the dining table, observing the man's every move. It was a regular weekend morning. After we did our exercises, Desir began preparing lunch in the kitchen, sidestepping me at every turn.
Usually, I would be okay with that. I knew what I was getting into when I first confessed to Desir. I knew that it would be an uphill battle to break down the barriers that Desir had set for himself. But this…
"Althea, you're gonna have to eat lunch on your own today. I have an appointment at twelve."
"... Again?"
"Y-yeah," Desir shifted his eyes away from me as he replied. "I'll try to make it back before dinner, but if you get hungry, just reheat this lasagne."
"... Okay."
I pierced my fork into the Italian delight, my eyes never leaving Desir's side. The man was behaving suspiciously, I could tell. Every time he was trying to hide something, Desir's left eyebrow would twitch. It was an odd quirk that was limited to Desir, and it was a trait that made him all the more adorable.
Just think about it. An iron man whose maturity mirrored that of a wizened man with decades of experience and his weakness was… Those cute eyebrows of his.
The gap was irresistible.
But that's not the important part here.
"Could you tell me where you're going?"
"N-Nowhere in particular. Just some work things."
"Work things, huh?"
A blatant lie. Come on, Desir, you're going to have to do better than that. Your eyebrows are twitching uncontrollably now.
"Desir… Please tell me the truth."
"That is the truth," Desir replied, still adamant in keeping his lie.
"... Do you hate me that much?"
"T-That's not true!"
"Then why do you keep lying to me?"
"T-That..."
Desir bit his lips and turned away. Evidently, there was some mental turmoil within him. Ah, something is wrong… W-Wait, was he going out to see a woman? Even though he already has me? N-No, it can't be! Didn't he say that he didn't want a relationship?
Before I knew it, it was my brain that fell into chaos. It took me a while to get a hard reset, and I finally reverted my eyes back to the uncomfortable man.
"Desir… Please, tell me the truth."
"I'm… going out to see a friend."
I knew it… Has Desir gotten tired of me? Was I too pushy? Is that why he ran into the arms of another woman? I knew it; I was too immature for him.
"You… found a girlfriend?"
"H-Huh?! Of course not!"
"You don't have to console me," I cried. "I know that I'm not enough for you. But for you to get a girlfriend right after I confessed to you… Isn't it too much, Desir?"
"That's not it, Althea!" Desir slammed the table and broke me out of my mental block. "What makes you think that I have a girlfriend? I told you many times, I've sworn off all relationships! If I didn't accept you, what makes you think that I would accept other girls I don't even like?!"
"I-Is that so?"
Wait… Desir those words… Could I interpret it as you would consider me as a potential partner before any other girls?! Hehe, I knew it! My seduction techniques did have an effect on him! I could feel the blood rush to my face as I thought back on his words.
Slowly but surely, I'm melting this iceman.
No, aren't I forgetting the most important thing?
"B-But… If you're not meeting your girlfriend, who are you meeting then? You're not talking to Len, and today is a weekend. You hate working on weekends."
"That..." Desir rubbed his forehead and breathed out a huge sigh. "I guess there's no point in hiding it anymore… I'm… I'm looking for apartments to move into."
"..."
What?
What did Desir just say?
I think my ears have malfunctioned.
Did he just say… what I think he just said?
"A-Althea?"
"... You're joking, right?"
"T-That..."
Desir looked at the ground, his eyes showing no signs of lies. There was an apologetic atmosphere permeating from his face, but I couldn't care less about it. Desir… He was serious. He was seriously trying a new apartment?!
The thought that Desir would disappear from my life. I'd never believed that would happen. I'd thought that Desir would never abandon me. But…
A piercing pain hit the centre of my core, and my heart was throbbing in agony. Unconsciously, I grabbed my chest and held back the tears in my eyes.
"Tell me you're joking..."
"... I'm just looking around. I haven't decided if I want to move out yet."
Mist began to form at the bottom of my eyes as I struggled to say: "Do you hate me that much?"
"O-Of course not! Althea, I could never come to hate you, you know that!"
"Then why are you trying to leave me?!"
"..."
Desir was unable to meet my crying face. Instead, he looked to the side and replied: "Althea, our relationship isn't a healthy one. I came to you during your time of need and saved you. The feelings that you have for me are nothing more than dependence."
"Who are you to say what my feelings are?! You're not even experiencing them!"
"That's not true," Desir tried to speak over my shrieking voice. "The only reason why you like me is because I was the only man who was there for you in the pandemic. It's just like living on a deserted island. Since I'm the only one you can depend on, you started developing a symbiotic relationship with me. And because you're young, you are misunderstanding that feeling for love."
You're wrong, Desir.
"Once you return to the campus or once your parents return, you will understand that the feelings you have right now are nothing more than puppy love. An ephemeral emotion that will die down in the wind."
That's not true.
"So, it's best if we spend some time apart and you can learn to be independent again. You can go out and meet better guys… You can spend more time with your friends… You can date and have fun… Soon, you'll forget all about the feelings you have for me now!"
Oh, Desir… How could you be so ignorant?
Puppy love? There's no way that puppy love could cause a void in my heart.
Better guys? There's no one better for me than you.
Forget my feelings? Not a chance in the world.
"I… don't want you to leave..."
"Althea..."
Desir's eyes watered, and his face tightened up. His heart was clearly wavering. Desir wasn't the type of person to abandon people that he cared about. It warmed my heart to think that I was a special person to him, but at the same time, my heart was torn in two just thinking about him leaving the apartment we call home.
No, this can't fly.
I have to do something about it.