It was a rainy Tuesday afternoon as I boarded the plane to the Philippines.

I felt heavy. No.

Heavy is an understatement.

My family died in a car crash last week.

I were left at home because I was beat from the College entrance exam. I didn't even send them out the door and just bade 'bye' from my room when my mom loudly called for me from the living room.

She was a Filipina and half- Chinese, partly Italian. I love her so much and, that was the last day my mom called me by my name, alive. My sister, Mauve, she was persistent to make me come with them, my sweet little sister.. The thought makes my heart ache so much. My tears are welling. She kissed me before she went to go with them that day. But my dad.. I have never spoken to him that day because we argued on what course to take in college.

He wanted engineering but I wanted communication. I wanted to be a writer!

At the end, I examined on both Communication Arts and Engineering. I am hoping to receive the positive results by now..

But it doesn't matter anymore. If only I could turn back time, I would.

So now, here I am. Left alone.. By my own.

I am going to my roots, my maternal side.

I am going to do what the lawyer of my family had said. My family's ancestral home in the south of Leyte is my best option.

I don't have many choices though. There is no way to go.

I am now boarding the plane, still uncertain on how to do this life. I haven't been to the Philippines. I haven't even met my relatives yet.

I haven't figured out what I am going to do.

I am so lost.