"I hate myself" I can't help but say it while looking at the ceiling with my back on the bed.

It's hard to think something else when you're in a state of despair. I just started staring into nothing other than in my room. Why couldn't I have been given something that could help me in my life? It's so unfair. Everyone's so different from me, they're either; pretty, talented, smart or all of the above. Like how is that even possible? I'm telling you this shit I'm going through is so teenage like, like high school movie teenage girls like. Wait, I don't think high school movies are even accurate. I mean the actors are older than they should be. What with them being too mature faced and their perfect cheekbones.

'okay, stop, stop, stop. What the heck am I thinking?' I shook my head to banish them from my head.

What the heck am I even doing? It's like the word isn't for me, though they are for others. I looked at my bookshelf full with a plethora of different genres of books except horror. It's not that I don't like horror, I think I can even start reading horror books without having a nightmare. I just never started reading one since it conflicts my religion, even though I wasn't a regular. I want to read but I just don't have the feel for it. By the way, am I the only one who has hundreds of books but only read like 50 of them? Well, the world's big enough for there to be two things the same. So I guess all book nerds have more than I do.

I can't do this. I need to freaking change my mind. I want to scream. Even scream the F word on my balcony with people on the streets looking at you like you're crazy. I actually think that's a good idea. A stupid one but good. I mean it's therapeutic, that means something at least.

"I wish shits fall on everyone!" I scream in my room, with my face on my bed and my limbs flailing around.

"Kyaaaa!" What the heck was that? I looked outside my balcony and saw shit falling, like literal shit from birds.

Wait a minute, did I do this. "Okay, no shit, no shit, no shit" with my eyes wide and my mouth gaping, they stopped. Like literally stopped.

I went back to my room to contemplate and sat on my bed. Did I do it? I should do it again. I mean not do it again. I mean do it but not that.

'Ughhh' this teenage hormones of mine are gonna get my brain cells scattered and confused.

I stood up "I wish to have all 1st edition classic books"

Silence. Just silence. "Okay, let's do this again. Maybe I should close my eyes. Yeah, I think that'll work."

I closed my eyes " I wish to have all 1st edition classic books" Silence again.

"You know what? I can't believe I didn't say this before. I'm an idiot. A freaking idiot." Am I so desperate that I resolved to believing that I can make my wishes come true? No, only idiots do that.

"Chelsea! You're gonna be late for school!" Mom didn't have to scream everytime to tell me that, but she was used to not having alarms during her childhood years so she settled on being our human alarm.

"Coming mom!" I looked at the mirror for a moment and said "I'm so ordinary I'm loving it. What does it matter if I'm not pretty, smart or talented? I have everything I need. Loving parents, annoying brothers and a heaven of puppies and of course, my beautiful books. I don't need anything else." With that in my mind, my courage was back.

I took my bag to check if I have everything I need for school and once I was done I closed the door to my room and left.