The winter chill sifted through my scarf while we slowly walked into the nearest playground from our house. That said place was on top of an elevation that overlooked the residential area that I had known since I was 12. The heat-deprived light coming from the posts was surprisingly sufficient enough to make out our merry way around. It was true that it's quieter in winter, especially when it snows around here. Despite how well-developed the town looked--and it truly was, mind you--it was as quiet as a backwater one. Not that I have any privileges of travelling outside this town at my own leisure.

Big bro had a habit of going around town and out of town when he had a chance; and by some stroke of luck--or time management--he always had chances to do so. He had said that it cleared the head; in what way that was possible I didn't know. 'Not yet.' I wanted to do it too, to be able to drive, I mean. But when I had expressed my desire to learn how to drive, he immediately shot it down with a "no! I won't allow it." No hesitation whatsoever. He said that with my failing eyesight, I was closer to an accident than someone drunk-driving. I couldn't refute it at all. He was right. He should be. He's my big brother.

She abruptly stopped walking and looked at the overlooking view of the houses. Her manners, though careful, were still childish. I forced myself not to smile.

Far beyond the distance, I could make out the skyline of the nearby city. It was more pronounced at night time. And despite the mild snowfall, you could still make it out--the light, the houses, its silhouette. She half-walked, half-skipped her way to the fence, retaining the childishness in her gait.

Nothing's changed. She's still the same old girl that I've known.

I didn't know what made me come with her in the first place. I knew I was in my element when it's cold but she didn't like staying too long outside. 'It dries the skin,' she had told me once.

I also forgot to bring my gloves with me. 'Damn!' That made my palms freeze. Should I ask her to hold hands?

'You are not a kid anymore!'

She looked magical with the snow as it gave some accent to her figure. I was reminded of this princess I once had seen on TV. The girl on that TV show sparkled like she'd been enfolded by some kind of fire element. Like a glimmer from within. Like a diamond. In this case, the snow replaced the spark of flame of that princess in that show for her.

And also it was a good thing I switched to contacts because it would be a pain to constantly wipe the moisture that incessantly built up on the lenses.

She turned around to look at me. "It's been a while. Now, I've got you alone for myself." She was smiling.

I laughed but my laughter was devoid of humour. I just didn't want her to worry about me because there were a lot of things going on in my mind.

"Hey." She walked towards me. And when she's only a few steps away, I saw how great our height difference was. Way back in middle school, it was just a few inches. But now, I towered over her. 'Of course, Big Bro was taller than me.' But even so, despite my height, this girl before me never stopped remarking how frail I looked, especially way back before I realised I was madly in love with her.

She changed me. She was the reason why I was here. To be honest, if she'd told me to marry her, I wouldn't hesitate one bit. But that's impossible.

"Hey!" She called out again. "What are you spacing out for?"

"Ah~ Sorry. It's just--"

She looked at my face with the intensity of a predatory cat. "You better be careful with that face of yours. You might not be the type of girl to flaunt her skin but your face is sexy enough to attract some guys," she said,

'And what's with the accusatory tone?' I thought.

I was not keen on accepting her compliments. I have always thought that I looked quite ordinary. Between us, I thought, she's the prettier one.

"Show me your hands."

"What?"

"I said show me your hands!"

I did as I was told rather reluctantly. My palms were reddish from the cold. She had her gloves on but once I had shown her my hands, she removed it and wrapped her thin fingers around mine. It was so warm. Just like my face. I could feel moisture shooting out of my eye socket. I pictured a red beet in my head.

"You would always remark how you wouldn't mind the cold but every time I hold your hands, it's always cold. You never changed."

'But I changed.'

There were an awful lot of things I wanted to tell her. But the worst part of me kept my mouth shut. I didn't like this. My progress was halting. I imagined my brother throwing me a scowl because of how great of a wimp I was. I was weak. 'Sorry about that, I guess.'

Her skin contrasted the snowbound background. It was like her presence there was clumsily superimposed by some editing software or something. She looked out of place. I could see some snowflakes falling softly on her eyelashes. I wanted to take it off but my hands were held and as she was doing that, her warmth was slowly being transferred to me.

The snowflake on her lashes melted.

When I spoke, vapours came out. I imagined my words dissipated with it like bubbles on a comic book I had back at home. "W-would you like to live with me after graduation?" My voice almost cracked. 'What gives?'

She had told me that she would attend the same college as I would. So, I wholeheartedly expected that this request would sound like the best course of action. I didn't mind. But did she, though? Only selfishness resounded in my head like something would take her away from me and I was stretching out my arms to ward off the things that could keep up apart. I hated this feeling.

Could she feel the slight trembling of my hands? If so, could she distinguish between the quivering of my hands to ward off the cold and the shaking because of irrational anxiety? I looked at her eyes to search for answers. Her pupils were dilating in tune of the flicker of the light from a nearby lamppost. Beautiful.

If only words could dissipate easily like how we both released vapours to the wind, it would be a lot easier for me to figure her out.

Her grip tightened a bit. I knew she would say something. The link we had at that moment would never lie to me. She would never do that. "You changed a lot." she remarked.

I laughed a little but this time with a little humour. "And here you are contradicting yourself. You just said I haven't changed at all."

She laughed gaily as well. Our linked hands shook to the beat of her laughter.

She stepped closer to me. She had this habit of leaning herself against me when we're both at our most vulnerable. Was this moment one of them? She held her head so low that all I could see was her hair lightly bleached on its roots.

"I always wanted to think that I pulled you out of your isolation. I prided myself in that, you know. To make a difference even with just one person." She raised her head to look at me rather dramatically so that I could help but be swayed by it.

Should I tell her? I wanted to. I wanted to validate her feelings. Because, it was indeed true. But there was something in this tenderness that I didn't want to end. And because of that, I told here the first thing that came into my mind:

"I love you."

I looked at the flickering light reflected in her eyes. It changed once I uttered those words like it was absorbing the explosion of lights from a far off fireworks display. Then the same saccharine smile writhed her lips. "I love you, too."

And I knew that without any words attached to it, the meaning dazzled me like the first ray of light from the morning sun. "Really?"

"Of course, you're my best friend." The smile remained on her face. And that smile alone was part of the things I didn't want to vanish from this world. Because that smile was reserved only for me. The rest of that night was a blur for me.