The underground subway station was, simply put, disgusting. Liam listlessly walked on the dirty floor as he observed his surroundings. It did not take long for him to realize it was cramped, loud and far too crowded. The station seemed like the work of an exceptionally unskilled artisan, drilled into the ground and curved like an 'S'. The ceiling hung low, making the few lights that worked obnoxiously close to the walking area. The bells rang with a shrilling scream, only for the sound to uselessly sink into the cacophony of voices. The smell of sweat and mismatched perfumes assaulted Liam's nose, the still air making it so that the smell soaked the entire station, as eternal as it was omnipresent.
'It's just like every subway in this damn city. I'd hoped it would be different.'
With a renewed sense of defeat and hopelessness under his belt, Liam waited for his train to arrive while checking if he was following the right path to the company on his phone. No sooner had the train arrived than the people around him gathered up and almost forced down the vehicle's smeared door, doggedly fighting for a seat or for mere personal space. In the middle of it all, Liam found himself squeezed between several bodies, pushed by those who wanted more room. The veins on his forehead throbbed as his pupils dilated and then contracted repeatedly. Relaxing his tense body, the youngster managed to secure a seat near the rear of the wagon, virtually confined by the people closer to the middle.
He never uttered a word. Liam's gaze scanned the wagon, observing the faces of his fellow passengers. From the sickly frames and sunken eyes of a few, to the bright and hopeful glow of youth in others. His twisted view captured only the differences between them, categorically placing them on a scale from "unfortunate" to "fortunate". It was a distorted way of looking at the world through the lens of the emptiness the young man felt, which allowed him to get only to a single conclusion.
'It's unfair.'
The happy children in the arms of their smiling parents reminded him only of what he never had. Liam knew he was already deep into determinism. It was an inevitable result of the circumstances he found himself in far too early on.ç
Liam clenched his fists tightly as feelings welled up in his chest.
'If only... If only I could change it. If only I could make this unfair reality even slightly fairer...'
He would pay any price. But, he was powerless to change the inner workings of life itself. The young man closed his eyes, letting the sorrow he felt flow through him.
'All of the people suffering because of bad luck... They don't deserve it.'
Soon after, the subway train came to a grinding stop with the screech of metal against metal. Liam stood up.
...
'As*hole. Hung up out of nowhere. Down cataclysmical.'
After complaining in his mind for minutes on end, Arthur raised his bare upper body, almost unwillingly parting with the soft bed under him. The sun brightly lit the room, which felt surprisingly cool. The king-sized bed laid close to the middle of the gigantic bedroom, near the upper wall, the expensive sheets disorganized. Expectedly, the room smelled well and fresh, yet there was a trace of something more.
Arthur looked at the several naked women sleeping next to him, his green eyes not only lustful, but surprisingly apathetic. He then swiftly jumped out of bed, waking up some of the women who smiled at him, not caring about his naked body. It was an interesting sight to see so many models on the same bed, but Arthur's smile was cold. He had never deluded himself into thinking they cared about him. Or at least that's what he thought.
The youth bantered and played around with the women, before following them into the bathroom that was as big as an average studio, the pristine marble floor cool to the touch. The modern design surrounded an inviting, huge jacuzzi into which the women gladly pulled Arthur's muscular body into. Almost impercebtibly, the man flinched whenever they touched the scars.
...
The sky darkened. It was dusk. The setting sun had almost disappeared, taking with it the last embers of life, like a chariot of fire dragging broken dreams behind it. It was what it meant to Liam, despite the bustling nightlife of the city.
The youth sat in a run-down bench in a slightly hidden away part of an empty park, covered in shadow, wordlessly staring at the sky with glassy eyes. The interview had gone as he expected it to. A failure. Whether it was a self-fulfilling prophecy or if he was simply aware of his own limitations, he did not know nor care. Every disapproving glance from the employees in the company, every disappointed face of the interviewer, every reminder of his faults. They all vividly replayed over and over in his mind.
Until they stopped. And all there was left was brooding despair, a type of silent suffering that no longer had rhyme or reason. In one of the few coherent thoughts Liam had while in this state, he realized.
'It's not the disapproval. It's not the interview, either.'
He was reacting to every failure - or more accurately, lack of success - in his insignificant, disposable life. Every grievance, every dark thought, all the pain in the past were being felt at once. For those on the edge, any small incovenience was enough to push them over it, after all.
It was crushing. Paralyzing.
Liam felt the scars on his body throb with phantom pain, as memories locked away slowly bubbled up to the surface. A dark box, cold, sadistic tools and weapons. Years and years of hammering a perceived worthlessness into his mind. It drained him of every desire to move or even breathe. He could not tell how long he'd been like this, the already completely dark sky robbing him of his sense of time.
"...ter?"
A childlike voice burrowed its way into his brain, dragging him to the present. With titanic effort, the youth managed to turn his head and focus his sight.
"Are you alright, mister?"
The one who spoke to him was a young girl, no older than 10 years old. Her face stained with grime and crooked teeth completemented her malnourished body and old, ripped clothes. Yet, her eyes shined brightly. It was a light he could no longer remember.
"You look sad. Don't be sad, mister. My mom always said we need to focus on the good things!"
Liam silently stared at the girl for a few seconds. From the moment he saw her, he'd placed her in the "unfortunate" category. Poor, ill, weak. Yet the light in her eyes seemed to defiantly scoff at his judgement, as if telling him not to see things in black and white. He felt a little ashamed at the way he was reacting. At least he had a home to go back to.
"Thank you, little girl. I was just thinking about some things.", he responded, "Do you live with your mother?"
"Yeah" the girl energetically nodded, "We've always lived together. I don't have a dad so it's just the two of us. See, that's her!"
The young girl pointed to a woman quickly approaching them with a worried look. Her appearance wasn't so different from her daughter, Liam mused, but she seemed like she'd aged faster than she should have.
"I told you not to walk away when I'm talking to others!" the woman berated, making the child furrow her brow in protest, feeling wronged. Before they could argue, Liam stood up, making the woman's head turn towards him fast as lightning with a wary gaze as she pulled her daughter into her embrace.
"Your daughter was just trying to cheer me up. She's a good kid. Here, take this."
The youngster gave the woman, who now bore a confused face, a small amount of money. He could neither be considered "fortunate" or well-off, but he was still in a better situation than she seemed to be.
'Such is the unfairness of this world.'
He then looked at the child and crouched slightly.
"What's your name?"
"...Julia."
"It's a beautiful name." he said with a smile, "Thanks again for trying to help. You've given me the energy I needed."
The girl smiled back before walking off with her mother, who nodded to him before going. Where to, he did not know. Maybe he wasn't meant to. For a few moments, the young man once again lost himself in his thoughts.
'I want to help her. No... I want to save them all. All of those with a similar life. Why... Why must some people face such harder circumstances? How do they keep holding on?'
Slowly, he realized it was an impossible dream. It drained him.
Afterwards, Liam walked. And he kept walking. He walked through dangerous streets and dark alleys, uncaring. It would not be surprising if he were to be robbed or killed, yet he got to his building unscathed. Albert greeted him with worried eyes before locking the building's entrance door. He was the only tenant outside at this hour.
"Let's talk tomorrow." the old man said, "I've got some beer but you look tired. It's better if you go to sleep for today."
Liam nodded before going up the stairs and into his apartment. It was dark, the lights having been left off before he left to the interview. Without bothering to turn the lights on, the youth walked into his bedroom and took off the suit, throwing it inside the wardrobe before laying on his bed. As he stared at the ceiling and confronted his own powerlessness, a dangerous thought creeped into his mind.
'Should I end it all?'