It was not the first time he thought of it. It was also not the first time he seriously considered it, yet it burned on his mind and drowned out every other thought like a roaring wave. Liam's fear of death surged for he was a living creature, but the exhaustion he felt seemed greater in comparison. Most of the people in the same situation did not want to die, but simply found it too hard to keep living on.
Surprisingly, at that moment Liam felt peaceful. His mind felt clearer and his determination stronger, as if he had found a new purpose. That purpose, however, was his own demise.
'Finding some rope shouldn't be too dificult, but seems like a painful way to go. Firearms? Maybe take a stroll around the dangerous neighbourhoods for long enough?'
The youth leaped up, his mind buzzing with ideas. To an outsider, he looked like a man who had just received wonderful news, not one who'd decided over their own fate. It was a pitiful sight. With a smile dancing on the corners of his lips, Liam stepped forward with renewed vitality that would, in his opinion, be hopefully short-lived. He might not be able to go anywhere this late at night since the building's entrance door was locked, but that wouldn't keep him from planning all night.
'I have no reason to wake up early tomorrow anyway. I have nothing to lose and nothing to live for.'
The moment his thoughts reached this point, however, his expression froze. It was because of the two people who crossed his mind. The first was naturally Arthur. They had known each other since early childhood and the realization that he would leave his only friend behind ate away at Liam.
His head lowered in shame. He felt selfish. Even so, he knew his life was his to live in the end, and he should decide for himself. That did not mean, however, that he should ignore the feelings of whatever people were in his life, especially if there was only a single person. Burdened by this realization, Liam's enthusiasm visibly dampened.
The second person was the little girl, Julia. The glowing eyes he'd seen mere hours ago were still fresh in his memory and he suspected they would forever be. It was hard to forget her hope in face of the difficult circumstances she found herself in. In an odd way, the memory was comforting. It gave him the strength to go on for a little longer. He decided to put his plans on hold, even if just for a short period of time.
'...Albert did say we were gonna talk tomorrow, too. At least it's an immediate goal I can focus on.'
Liam fell back on the bed, much to his tired body's delight. Nevertheless, he tossed and turned in what promised to be a sleepless night.
...
As he expected, the night had been a long one.
"How the hell is it possible for me to wake up even more tired than when I went to sleep?!" Liam grumbled. The knowledge that the day was bound to be uneventful did nothing to appease the situation, as well. The hours ticked by as the young man tried to sleep and make it through the day. Even the food tasted bland and every TV show seemed incredibly dull. He simply kept changing from channel to channel, trying to find something capable of holding his attention for more than a few minutes.
Once in the late afternoon, he decided to meet Albert. Putting on his most comfortable clothes, he descended the flights of stairs that led to the entrance.
As if Albert was waiting for Liam, once the old man saw him he swiftly pulled a couple beer cans from whatever pocket dimension he kept them in and offered one to the youth, who'd pulled himself a chair and sat beside the elder.
For some time, neither of them uttered a word, settling for watching the soft sunlight come in through the windows and bask the ambient in a golden hue. Albert was the first to speak.
"It's hard, isn't it? Living."
Liam looked at the ground before replying, his voice sounding more exhausted than ever.
"...Yeah."
Silence reigned once more, as if both were trying to find the right words to say and struggling to do so.
"Y'know, kid... When I was younger, I asked myself whether life was worth living..."
"..."
"...Because it's damn hard to feel like God hasn't abandoned you when you're sitting in a jungle with an assault rifle in your hands and fearing for your life. When the friends you've made in the squad are six feet under and you're the only one left."
Albert's eyes were unfocused, but the memories did not seem to shake him. With a sigh, he looked towards the ceiling and took a sip of beer.
"But then you make it out and you feel grateful. You start finding meaning in the little things. No matter how your life objectively is, what matters is the way you feel about it. Even if things are goddamn shitty, if you're at least a little happy, shouldn't you try to hold on a while longer?"
Liam froze as he remembered the young girl for a second time. Albert's monologue did not leave him time to think of a counterargument.
"Even if you've never been happy, ever, it doesn't mean you won't be. The future is unpredictable and as much as we like to think we can predict it, the truth is we can't. Sometimes things happen out of nowhere, for better or worse."
Albert paused for a moment, carefully choosing his words. He constantly glanced at the younger man, watching his reactions and hoping he hadn't said anything that would push him deeper into the hole he was in. After cautious observation, his mouth slowly opened again.
"There's still good in the world worth fighting for and good things to experience, even if you settle for watching the beautiful sunrise and the bittersweet sunset until you're sick of them. If that's even possible, anyway."
The old man chugged the rest of his beer before saying his final piece.
"You gotta be the one to find your own reason to live. I know it's hard as hell, but you've survived your worst days and I believe you can do the same this time around."
"...Thank you, Albert." Liam did not know any other way to answer. He knew whatever argument he tried to come up with would be a twisted product of his point of view, given that none of what Albert had said was wrong per se.
The two men grew silent, this time without the awkwardness of before. It was a type of mutual appreciation and respect as Liam needed time to sort out his thoughts and think about what he'd just heard.
Liam's deliberations, however, were interrupted by a distinct feeling.
'Danger.'
It was like when the flower pot fell towards him, but amplified hundreds of times. If the pot had been a droplet of paint, this time around the whole canvas had been dyed red. He felt like there was nowhere to go, no way to avoid it.
Liam's eyes shook as he saw the entire world colored red. Cold sweat soaked his back, Albert's shocked voice only barely reaching him as if he was underwater.
'...a nuke?'
It was the only possibility he managed to think of. The only scenario where he'd feel like there was nothing he could do. As his tension reached the peak and every muscle in his body roared in defiance, a small blue, translucid rectangle with unknown words written on it appeared before his eyes while an emotionless voice rang inside his head. The words on the rectangle constantly changed.
[System initialized.]
[Intelligent species G-2857482 has been forcibly made eligible to participate in the Convergence due to the influence of outside forces.]
'...What?'
[Gathering information . . . species name recognized. . . . Most prevalent time measurement system identified.]
[Humanity is now under the System. In 1 human month, part of it will be transfered to the Tutorial Zone. In 3 human months, every human left will be transfered as well. This decree cannot be refused.]
[May the Convergence begin for your kind.]