The ride back to the apartment was quiet.
"I'm sorry about that. About her." Ezra said, breaking the silence.
"Is she an… is she… did your date her?"
Billie asked.
"No! No. Dimitri, my friend, tried to set us up awhile ago. But I wanted nothing to do with it."
"She didn't act like you wanted nothing to do with her. Did you… "
"No." He interrupted before she could get the rest of the question out. She was angry. At what happened and her own jealousy. But she couldn't help it.
He was obviously angry as well. And more than likely at the same things.
The car arrived back at the apartment. "Andrew. What is this?" Ezra asked. There were several photographers set up at the entrance.
"Someone must have tipped them off that you're in town." Andrew said.
"Lovely." Ezra grumbled.
The car stopped and Andrew got out to open the door and shield them.
"Ezra." Billie began.
"Just keep your head down and don't answer them." Ezra said. Billie nodded. They got out and quickly made their way to the entrance. Several flashes and a jumble of shouted words later, they were inside. Ezra quietly opened the door and took off his jacket. He poured Billie and himself a glass of wine and handed it to her, leading her into the main living room.
"Again, I am truly sorry." Ezra said, leaning against the marble fireplace. Billie sighed. The firelight made him look so beautiful. She was furious that the night turned the way it did.
"I didn't sleep with her. I promise. I told you, I was technically a virgin when we, before we…" Ezra said.
Billie looked up at him and shook her head.
"It's none of my business anyway. It's just that when it happens in front of my face. Tonight! In this dress. Ugh." She said, closing her eyes and shaking her head.
"Listen to me!" Raised his voice and Billie began to feel anxiety rising in her chest. "It is your business. There is something, a few things you don't know. You don't know about me. And if I tell you, oh god, you won't want me anymore. I can't tell a woman I care for. Dammit. Listen, I used to be repulsed by the thought of women touching me. Of anyone touching me." He said.
"Ezra, I'm not stupid. It's ok. You don't have to say all of that." She said.
"Goddamit Billie. I am not just telling you that to make you feel better!" Ezra said, pacing.
"Look I know you think I'm just being insecure and jealous. And maybe I am. But I don't need that kind of reassurance and lies. I will be ok, it's …"
"They touched me. They… they did things to me. Made me do things. The teachers at my boarding school." He said. Billie's heart stopped for moment and she looked up at him.
"I am telling you the truth. You are the first person I've let… I've wanted to touch and let touch me. I haven't been right, I'm all screwed up. Mentally. Physically."
He sat down on the couch and ran his hands through his hair. She could hear him begin to cry. "I tried to tell my father. The police. They just swept it under the rug." He spoke so quietly she could barely hear him. "If you don't want me anymore, I will understand. You just had to know that I was telling the truth." He sounded so young. Like a child. She got up and walked over to him, kneeling in front of him.
"It's gross, you know? Men did that to me. What they did to me. I was so young. I didn't know. I like women I just can't, I'm sorry. I can have Andrew take you to the plane." He was sobbing now. He wouldn't look her in the eyes. Billie leaned close to him and touched his chin. He flinched at first but then allowed her to look into his eyes.
"It was not your fault. You did nothing wrong to deserve that. It was their fault. Them. I believe you. And it changes nothing between us. I love you, Ezra. You are the most amazing human I have ever met." She said.
He broke down, sobbing more and pulling her into his arms. "Please don't look at me like I'm damaged. Like I'm disgusting." He said, weeping into her neck.
"I could never see you as anything but beautiful." She said. She held him tightly until he couldn't cry anymore.
"I'm sorry." He said, finally breaking their embrace and wiping his face. She took his hand and lead him to the bedroom.
"What are you doing?" He asked.
"I'm going to make love to the beautiful man standing in front of me. And I'm going to make sure he knows how wanted and how loved he is." She said. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her.
"I have been searching for you, for this, for so long. Thank you." He said. "For being someone I can trust. For believing me and still wanting me."
She kissed him and dropped her dress down to her feet. He looked at her and smiled, his eyes reddened and his heart full. He picked her up and placed her on the bed and after hours of lovemaking, she fell asleep in his arms, wrapped tightly around her.