Billie was excited to sleep in on Monday. The weekend of work had kicked her butt but she had made almost 400 dollars and she was beyond thrilled. She needed a safe place to put her money but she wasn't ready to get a checking account yet because she was still listed as a missing person. She decided to start buying prepaid Visa cards with her money from the gas station so she wouldn't have to carry around so much cash. She stopped at the gas station across the street from her work and bought some minutes for her phone, a bottle of wine and a 350 dollar visa gift card. She put it in her wallet and headed home. She poured a glass of wine and ran a bath and turned on the little alarm clock radio on the bedside table. She was tired and her feet hurt but she was happy. She was happy and at peace. She didn't feel fear when she was on her way home and she didn't feel afraid to fall asleep or dream. Or awake in the morning.
The next day, she slept until past noon. It felt wonderful. She stretched out and yawned and got up to start coffee. Pouring a cup and walking out to her balcony, she looked out at the desert and smiled. After waking up a little, she settled inside and picked up her guitar. And in that moment, she felt a song come to her. She took the pen and paper out of the drawer and began to write and play. For the rest of the day, she added lyrics and a melody. By evening, she had written a song. A damn good one, at that.
When she went to sleep, she had this feeling that her life was finally beginning. She had no idea how right she was.
++++++++++++++++++++
"Good morning, Paula." Billie said, handing her a bouquet of flowers.
"What is this?" She asked.
"Just my way of saying thank you. For giving me a chance." Billie said.
"Thank you, Lily." Paula said.
"My name isn't Lily." She said. She felt she could trust Paula.
"I know that, dear. But here, until you're ready, you are Lily. Now get out there and make some money." Paula said. Lily reached up and hugged her.
"Thank you." She said. After a long, busy day of work, Billie decided to go to the open mic night at Johnny's. She walked home and changed out of her work clothes and into her sundress and headed out, grabbing her guitar and starting the five mile walk to the next town.
"Lily!" Gabe said as she walked to the bar. She ordered and pint of beer and said hello to Gabe, Pete, Abby and Amber all sitting at the same table.
"Glad you came out. How are you?" He asked.
"I'm good, thanks." She said. A woman and man were doing some acoustic songs and Billie sat down to listen. They were good. They harmonized well together. She smiled and nodded and clapped after they finished. She was so happy to be out and enjoying music again, it don't matter what type. She appreciated it all so much. After the crowd settled down, Gabe got up and sang a song. It was sad and after the chorus, she realized it was about his mother. How she had raised him alone and how she had left him, she presumed she had passed away. It was sad and beautiful. She clapped and wiped her eyes after he finished the song. A few girls came up to him after he stepped off the stage and pawed at him. He smiled and hugged them and thanked them. How many girls was he talking to? Sleeping with? Most likely all of them, she thought.
"That was really beautiful." She said when he came back to the table finally.
"Thanks. That means a lot." He said. "Ready to go up?" He asked.
"Yeah." She said. She was ready. It had been years since she had been on stage, 16 years to be exact, and she was excited. She was 36 and looked like she was 25.
The room grew silent as she walked to the stage.
She cleared her throat and began to play. The melody was a little soft and in a bluegrass type style. She sang the lyrics,
"I close my windows
To keep out memories
But I would understand
If you still seep through the pores
Oddly effervescent
I hide my secrets
Deep, locked inside
If you burglarize my life
I'm not surprised
I would understand the crime.
I cried, before it all went dry
Yet here I find
The darkness isn't kind
We were light
All ghosts, no repose
I'm the champion of the night.
You could burn the world
To show the brighter side
I would let you this time
I cried, before it all went dry
Yet in my sight
I'm afraid to fight
were we light?
Lay, lay with pretty actors
But lack acting average
A little short on everything you want
After, after ugly is mastered
We're all better bastards
Nothing like the truth to free the heart.
I cried when it all went dry
I give up the fight
You were right
We were a lie."
She sang and ended the song, looking up and out into the crowd. Everyone was quiet for a moment and then they began to clap. And cheer. Someone yelled out "that's a great fucking song!" Billie smiled and grabbed her guitar and left the stage.
"Lily! Wow. You're really talented!" Abby said, hugging her.
"Lily. I'm. Wow. I don't know what to say. Thank you for sharing that. Great song. Really great." Gabe said. Billie smiled and thanked them. She hung out for a little while longer. Pete and Gabe sang a song and another lady got up and played. She watched Gabe work the room. He loved the attention, she could tell. He couldn't be older than 25, maybe 30 tops. He was the center of attention anywhere he went and she could tell it was natural for him. He had his arm around a pretty younger woman, and she was glowing in his presence. Proud to be attended to by him. She laughed to herself and remembered what it was like to be that young and alive. She never got to experience those years. She had married and been with Sean throughout her twenties and most of her thirties. All those wasted years, she thought.
She looked at the time and started to gather her things.
"Are you leaving?" Pete asked.
"Yes. It's late. I have to work in the morning." She said.
"Going so soon?" Gabe asked, appearing behind her, startling her.
"Yes. I have to work in the morning. Thank you for inviting me here. It was really nice to play out again." She said.
He smiled. "I'm glad you came out." He said. She smiled back and headed to the door. He had walked back over to the young brunette girl. He wouldn't be offering her a ride home tonight, she thought. And she was ok with that.