'Now be a good boy and come sit here…'
Haneul desperately gasps for air as he sits himself up, heaving as he looks around trying to find an escape. He doesn't want to do it anymore. He has to find a way ou-
Owh, fuck. His head feels like it was hit by a brick. Air is coming out from his lungs, filling his throat. Stumbling on his feet, Haneul rushes to the slightly opened door; hoping he has the right one because if he isn't, someone will have to clean the floor after him.
"Blearghhh!!" Spilling yesterday's lunch, because obviously, he didn't have dinner, Haneul forces his body to clear his stomach content as quickly as possible. He doesn't want to spend a lot of time throwing up. He just wants to get it over with, go home and get his fucking pills.
He had that fucking dream again.
One of those dreams. Still haunting him after a decade.
Deciding he has nothing left to spill, Haneul gets up from the floor and flushes the bowl, dragging his legs to the sink. The cold water filling his mouth feels refreshing, but it is still too early for him gurgle due to gag reflex, and so, he opts with a simple wash. Then, he wets his whole head, finding the cold great against his terrible headache.
Why the heck did he get so intoxicated enough to have such a bad hangover? He always has good control of his alcohol intake because he still wants to have clear conscious when sleeping with strangers. He is never this reckless…
Unless…
Haneul closes his eyes, trying to control his anger with himself. No wonder he drank himself to death last night – the alpha in the next room smells like his old attackers. Being around alphas with those pheromones always give him flashbacks of his past, triggering his trauma and making him sick to his stomach; which is why he will usually avoid them. But on rare occasions - when he stumbles upon them already halfway drunk, and with them releasing their sexual aura - it messes up his mind and his will subconsciously be submissive and sleep with them.
Just like his old, pushover self.
How he fucking hate how useless he was. Because of his fucking cowardice, now his mind automatically associates alphas having certain scents with him having to submit to them. And despite being older and knowing better, no matter how much tries to fight it, it will always ends up triggering his panic attacks.
Just one of the ways his past fucks with him.
Not wanting to be in the presence of the alpha any longer, Haneul starts to gather his clothes and wears it. He wants to be home as soon as possible so he can clean every single part of his body, thoroughly scrubbing every inch. There is no way he will do it here. He doesn't want to spend even a moment longer breathing the same air as the bastard.
Turning around, half panicking, Haneul breathes a sigh of relief at the sight of used condoms. At least he didn't get the cum inside because that would be painful to clean.
"You're up…" the ruckus probably awoken the other male. Haneul busies himself, pretending to not notice the hoarse voice of the alpha. "Already leaving?"
Patting his pockets to make sure he has his keys, wallet and phone, Haneul takes out some money and places on the drawer, glaring at the alpha who is still talking, trying to get his attention. Without saying a word, he sneers in disgust, closing the door behind him. Walking away as quick as he can.
Stopping by a pharmacy to buy a morning after pill, Haneul pops one instantly, washing it down with plain water.
He is not taking any chances. Especially not with those alphas with disgusting scents.
#####
Done washing everything off his body, putting lotion to ease to slight pain from over scrubbing, Haneul stares at the drawer beside the table. He has all his pills inside there; maybe he needs to bring some in his little container just in case. Memories of his childhood like what he had this morning, added with the disgusting experience usually leads to self-hatred and self-harm, and that is something he really despises, amongst all his issues. Because unlike all the others, it will be hard for him to get back to his normal state with just the pills.
That being said, there are usually signs before he starts loathing himself, so if he can prevent that from happening, maybe it won't be as serious. Taking everything out from the drawer, Haneul starts to read the label, trying to predict what he will need. After almost half an hour doing so, he searches for his tumbler and fills it with water. Just in case.
Looking out the window, Haneul realizes how beautiful the day is. He needs to go out. Anything that can distract him today, he should do. He should stop himself from thinking, and dreaming for a few days just to be sure.
"Shit!" Haneul scrambles for his bag the moment he realizes it is Friday, and he is really late for his class. He completely lost track of time focusing on getting rid of any trace of the alpha from this morning. Running towards his department, half knowing that he won't make it, Haneul stops his track as he sees some of his classmates outside, doing nothing.
Weird. Surely they won't skip the lecture, right? Not this openly at least.
A bit uneased, Haneul starts to weigh the possibility of cancellation of today's lecture. The probability of him not getting the notice is extremely high. Not because they purposely left him out, but because he muted the class chat room which means anything they posted in there, he won't know. Opening the chat application, already annoyed at the number of new messages, Haneul lets his shoulders fall and looks up, dragging his legs away in annoyance.
Someone posted the fucking notice last Tuesday; it is buried under tons of homework exchanges and memes.
Sighing, letting his hands fall to his side, Haneul looks around. He is already here, after all that running, it doesn't seem right to just return to his room. Everyone else are either talking, laughing or playing something with their friends, which means there is really nothing a lone wolf can do here. Maybe he should go to Joseph's group and hang out instead?
Ah, he just remembered. The other omega's girlfriend is in Korea so he won't be in college today. Looking at his watch, noting how early it is to head to the club again, Haneul calculates how much longer he will have to endure before he can numb his senses again tonight.
Another five hours. That should go by in a flash.
Walking towards the convenient store and buying some snacks and banana milk for his movie time at the dorm, Haneul decides to continue walking for a while. Since orientation, he never ventured inside the campus far enough from his own department. There may be something else he can do somewhere…
"YAWAOOHH!!!"