Feeling his face cold from disgust mixed with shock, Sangcheol closes the book and drops it on the floor, intending to hide it from sight. Now facing the ceiling, the young man lets out a long sigh. He can imagine the things that he read and that is enough mess with his thoughts. How he wishes he didn't read Haneul's book in the first place…
He didn't want to at first, but what Haneul said that day near the cafe kept on replaying in his mind. The man said something about not knowing the real him despite reading his book leading Sangcheol to become really curious as to what is written. His guilt for screaming at the omega due to his own personal stress might have pushed him a bit, but mostly it was how their meeting ended that bothered him. Haneul seemed really hurt from what he said. He felt like he owed the man an apology, and he couldn't do that without knowing what the other was talking about.
But god, he didn't expect this at all. He thought the book is about domestic violence or something - that is already bad enough in his mind. He would never have thought the omega was-
"Shit." Sangcheol closes his eyes and rubs them, hoping to erase the image from his mind. It is too explicit, too dark, he couldn't read past the second chapter where Haneul recalled what was done to him back then, by his own guardians. It was too much he skipped to the next chapter, hoping that things would be better after his rescue. It was, but then came the mental issues and Sangcheol was done for. That was how much he can take. He couldn't go on anymore.
Despite him not being able to read it though, Sangcheol has got to admit, Haneul can really write. He didn't know whether it is the choice of words, or the fact that he wrote it in first person, everything felt real. It was as if he was trapped in the little omega's body, his mind knowing things were wrong, screaming for him to stop falling deeper into the abyss and yet, the physical refused to cooperate.
It scared him. It felt so real it scared him so much he had to stop.
He wondered which part of the book would make him crazy about Haneul because right now, he couldn't feel anything but sympathy and guilt. Sympathy because of what the man had gone through, and guilt because, well, he is an alpha who told the man who was hurt by another alpha to basically hide his problems and deal with it in private.
He was so, so stupid.
#####
Haneul stops his track as his eyes caught on a familiar-looking face whom he hadn't meet since orientation, which is almost a month ago. As he expected, the man's stature is as elegant and soft as his face, something he found captivating.
Now that he thought about it, they hadn't met before because they both belong to different departments. And, for some reason, they never meet each other at the dormitory as well. That being said, it is kind of weird seeing Joseph here right now, casually walking into the convenient store. Does he have some errands here? This surely piques his curiousity, despite it not being a huge mystery. Maybe he is just feeling bored out of his wits right now to care for something insignificant like this.
Should he ask? No, he shouldn't because then, they need to talk and talking to people tend to make him hate them. Aside from the few classmates he can tolerate, he still hasn't found someone he clicks with, so talking to the man will prove to be a problem. He will hate to dislike Joseph since the man really seems like he will make a good friend. He doesn't want to destroy that perfect image of the foreigner. It is not every day that people leave good impression to him, and Haneul would really love for those who does, to remain that way in his mind.
"Shit," Haneul turns around as he realizes he had just unconsciously followed the foreigner up to the store. He can swear Joseph just saw him from inside, and based on his wide smile, is excited to see him.
What should he do?
He really does not know how to talk to normal people. His relationship with people mostly involves physical interaction instead of normal conversation, and in some occasion, him talking about his issues to others be it to help them or to get help himself. With his lack of social skills, he is confident Joseph will see right through him and figure out how weird and messed up he actually is. He cannot have that. It will affect him greatly. He doesn't want to add social anxiety into his list of complications. The list is already pages long.
"Haneul! Hey! Long time no see!" the said omega flinches as he hears his name being called. Flashing his fake smile which he had accustomed himself with, Haneul waves slightly as acknowledgement. While thinking of an excuse to leave, he is also finding something else to talk about to make it seem as if he is as excited with the meeting. "You're not buying anything?"
"Huh? Yeah, of course." He is already here; he should pretend he has something to buy and bid his goodbye. Nodding his head while flashing a smile, Haneul proceeds to act like he is about to enter the convenient store.
'Try making friends. You need them.'
Haneul closes his eyes as he recalls what his therapist told him before he left the shelter. He is so used to being alone, only caring about himself. He knows that has to stop. No matter how much he hates most people, he needs to have at least one person who will help him in case something happens now that he is living alone outside the security of the shelter.
Maybe, just maybe, Joseph will want to be that person. He seems like a selfless, helpful guy after all. Maybe he will be able to tolerate all the monster inside of him. And maybe, Haneul can tolerate being around him as well, despite how polar opposite they seem to be – a friendly gentleman and a skeptical loner.
Sighing from his own thought, Haneul turns around and walks behind the other omega, calling out to him. Only when the man faces him does he notice the plastic on his right hand, filled with the same beverage – banana milks. Lots and lots of banana, milks. Looking at the owner, Haneul almost laughs seeing Joseph sucking the last drop of the drink, desperately trying to take in everything. "Wait, you want one? I'm sorry, I bought everything…"
"You what?" Haneul asks, a bit too loud causing the other to scratch the back of his neck in guilt. "Wait, are you only here to buy that?"
"They don't sell these at my department." Joseph replies honestly, looking at his partner who is now laughing, confused at the situation. "I can't work without banana milk."
Okay, this guy is innocently funny, he doesn't know whether this is a calculated act, or he is just naturally awkward but Haneul thinks he might actually be able to give this a chance. Since the guy is weird, there is a high chance he will not be like other people. Heck, Joseph reads white paper for god's sake. He might not even know about all the gossips to even start to care.
…So, what should he do next to continue this conversation? Comment on the taste? Ask for one? Complain- no, definitely not complain.
"You…" Haneul looks up as the other omega starts to talk. He is dragging his word, as if he is trying to say something important and the former just cannot help but gulp in anticipation. The long milliseconds starts to mess with his mind as he suddenly remembers a lot of things, bad things that Joseph could have heard about him this past month.
Owh god, he knows this is a bad idea. He should have just stick to being alo-
"…do remember my name right?"