Chereads / What The Muffin / Chapter 3 - The Can Opener

Chapter 3 - The Can Opener

I don't hide the fact that I am "frugal". My average shoe cost $10, shirt $3, pants $7, I don't do thrift shops and I like quality. I want it to last.

2014, Deni and I just moved in together and it was the second weekend in our new apartment. We had been shopping all week, finding all the little odds and ends we needed for our new home. One of the things on the list was a can opener. I couldn't find one for the right price and quality. Why do they cost so much money?

We were in the dollar store and Deni comes up to me with a can opener and asks, "How about this one?" We had a few arguments about can openers that day. He says he was trying to "compromise" I say he was trying to insult me. Anyway, I was like "oh muffin no, that's a piece of muffin". He got all huffy and puffed away. We went home and by the end of the night we stopped talking can openers.

Another week went by and I was like I am going to make tuna sandwiches. He was just itching to bring it up the can opener. I was like it's cool, we will open it up zombie apocalypse style, which warranted a "What?". I knew how it sounds, but it's a real thing, Youtube it. I was committed to winning this battle, I was right to hold off on the can opener, I knew there was one out there for the right price and quality. In the video it was easy, take the can, scrap it against concrete, pop off the lid.

My apartment was on the second floor of an enclosed landing. When I scraped the can it was as loud as muffin. I did try, it wasn't working, it was hot, I was pregnant, these were all the excuses I gave when I sent Deni to do it, the truth is it was embarrassing as muffin, and I didn't want my neighbors to think I was crazy, because I was starting to contemplate my own sanity.

Deni went out and tried, he came back in "Just let me buy a can opener, I am not broke, I can afford a can opener." I looked him in the eyes and said "Nope, we don't need it, in the video it only took a few minutes." Since then, I have learned a little about video editing.

Sometime had passed, okay, a lot of time had passed and Deni well he was still trying to open it outside. He had moved from the landing to the sidewalk, then the street. He came back with a rock to scrape the can inside, the tuna was still not open. He was grumbling about how much money he had and even in college he wasn't that broke. My daughter brought her piggy bank so we could buy a can opener. He told her that it wasn't a money issue it was a mummy issue.

After some more time had passed, he got his pocketknife and cut it open, it took about 2 and half hours to open it from first scrape to last cut. Lunch was quiet, he did mention his arms were hurting, but I tried not to dive into that too much, because I knew it was because he was scraping the tuna can.

We watched some TV and headed to bed around 3 am, I got up at about 9 and there on the counter was a can opener, an expensive can opener, no packaging, no receipt. I was pissed for like a week, when someone asked what was wrong, I told them he bought a can opener, they didn't ask me to elaborate. I still don't know how much he paid, he says if I ever found out I would kill him and that's probably true.

To this day when Deni uses that can opener, he still says it was the best purchase he ever made.