It took all I had to pull back from Kynlee when we were getting hot and heavy in the kitchen. I wanted so badly to take her to my bedroom and let nature take it's course. I had to remind myself she is a virgin and I'm still working with her brother.
I knew it would be hard to keep my libido in check with her here alone with me, but she is worth it. She is worth every ache, every readjustment of my pants, and every case of blue balls I've gotten while in her presence. My body and my mind are warring with how I should act in her company. I've spent years developing my brain, learning, and honing my skills, but right now I want nothing more than to stop thinking and just feel.
I lead Kynlee to the couch by her hand and we sit side by side. I know I should put space between us, but cannot make myself move away. Instead I release her hand and put my arm across the back of the couch so I can run my fingers through her hair. Generally she wears her hair in a ponytail, but today I find it down, and it's so sexy. "I really like your hair down Lee."
"Thank you," she replied sheepishly. "What is the plan for tonight Wam?"
"I don't really have one to be honest. I usually relax for a while before bed. I generally get up about 5am, so I'm usually in bed by nine or ten." I think for a moment before continuing, "what do you like to do? We can play a game, watch tv, go for a walk, watch a movie...do you have a preference?" I turn to look down at Lee as I wait for her response.
The response I get is anything but what I expect. Lee is sitting on my left and slides her left hand up my chest to the back of my neck and pulls me down so she can kiss me again. This was not what I meant when I asked what she would like to do.
Before I know what she is doing, never breaking the lip lock, she throws a knee over my thighs and is straddling my lap. It takes everything I have to pull back, break the kiss, and meet her eyes. She places her right palm on the stubble of my cheek. I'm not sure what I'm hoping to find in her eyes, but her eyes are dilated and almost sparkle with desire. Her cheeks are flushed and her chest is rising and falling at an accelerated rate. I slide my hand up her shoulder and push her thick, shiny, brunette hair behind her shoulder. "Lee, when you say you have little experience, how little are we talking? "
Lee looks away from me, her brows furrowed and her lips pursed as if thinking hard on how to answer my question. Finally instead of answering, she asks a question of her own, "why does it matter Wam? It wasn't with you, so it doesn't matter."
I take a deep breath to regain my patience because she sounds defensive at my question. The last thing I wanted was for her to think I was judging her. "I'm not judging you Lee. You keep pushing full steam ahead and I don't want to rush things." I take another deep breath before I place my palm on her cheek and tilt her head back to meet my eyes. I then try again to get my point across and not offend her, "I care about you. That's why I keep slowing the physicality down."
Lee lifted her chin as she continued to meet my gaze, "what if I don't want you to slow down? What if I want you to show me how much pleasure you can give me?"
I feel my eyes go wide and my lips part at her admission. "How much sexual experience do you have? I'm not judging and I'm not asking to embarrass you. If we are really going to do this, if it's truly what you want, then I need to know."
No matter how matter of fact my comment, her cheeks still flushed and she looked past my head, no longer meeting my eyes. "Kedron chased away every boy I ever dated. This is different though," her eyes flick back to mine. "I feel things with you I've never felt before. I want things I've never wanted before." After her admission she looked past my head again, as if she was ashamed of what she said.
I kissed her lightly on the lips before I responded, "so we have basically already been...more intimate, than you've been before?" She simply nodded. "Thank you Lee for telling me." She met my eyes again then, nodded, and gave a slight smile. "I love to see you smile. I'd do almost anything to keep that smile on your face, but I realize smiling constantly isn't realistic." I feel myself smile and hers also widens.
"I've never met anyone like you Wam. I still feel like I should pinch myself that someone with your...position, experience, and standing in the community is even interested in me." At some point her eyes shifted again to look beyond my head, but she was talking, so I let it go. "I'm afraid..." she hesitates, "that if I can't keep you...satisfied, you'll lose interest in me." She was wringing her hands between us. Lee was obviously nervous about what she just admitted.
Again I felt the draw to comfort her, protect her, and make her happy. In the next breath though, I reminded myself I had to be careful not to promise something I couldn't give. "I enjoy sex, but that is not the basis of a relationship. Chemistry is important, and we have it in spades. That being said, sex will not sustain a relationship. I don't want a hot, heavy, sexual relationship that is going to burn itself out. I want a friendship, a partnership that can last the test of time."
Lee looked surprised but also...amused? She tilted her head slightly like she was studying me, before wrapping her arms around my neck and holding her body against mine in another embrace. Her chin rested on my shoulder and I ran my hands slowly up and down her back from her shoulders to her butt. As we continue to embrace, I have to know, but she hasn't responded, "do you want a relationship or just someone to further your sexual experience?"
She doesn't answer straight away, but I've learned Lee often thinks about things before answering, so I wait impatiently for her answer. However she responds could change the whole course of our relationship.
Finally she pulls back, resting her buttocks on my knees and her hands on my shoulders. "I'm not 100% sure what I want to be honest. I do know you're the first man I've met that has made me want more, but you never cease to amaze me Wambleeska Teton."
I can't help but cringe at her use of my full name. "How do I surprise you Ms. Kynlee Knutson?" If she is going to use my name, it's only fair I do the same.
She smiles in response and runs her palm along my five o'clock shadow. "You are the most selfless man I've ever met. The way you've helped me and Kedron is the first way you've surprised me. You aren't a man whore, that's the second way," She laughs before continuing. "You are kind and respectful to pretty much everyone. You put family first even though you don't have a spouse or children of your own. You are intelligent, talented, honest, and the list goes on. I feel like your too good for you me and this is all a dream. If it's a dream, I don't want to wake up," she says the last line quietly.
I sigh out, "oh Lee, you humble me" I kiss her forehead as I try to find words for what I want to convey. "It's interesting, because I feel like you deserve better than me. I work too much because I took an oath to help people. I make decent money, but I'll be paying student loans for the rest of my life. If not for some good tribal investments, I wouldn't be nearly as comfortable financially. You Lee are smart, caring, loyal, strong, and resilient. That's not even mentioning how beautiful you are. I love how you look, but that's not what drew me to you." I grab her hand in mine and kiss her knuckles.
"So what drew you to me then Wam?"
I cannot help but smile as I think of the first time I held her in my arms and realized I may be in trouble with this woman. "Your spirit drew me to you. You're a fighter Lee, you don't give up, and I love that about you."
Wrapping her arms around my neck again, she hugs me before pulling back, standing, and asking, "where is your restroom?" I point her in the right direction and watch her sway her hips as she walks to the bathroom and shuts the door behind her.
The fact she thinks I need sex to stay interested, makes me more determined than ever to wait. She needs to understand her worth is not tied to sex. Lee is worthy of love and affection with or without losing her virginity. I will do my best to show her!