I heard someone knocking on my door.
" Mom I'm already up " I said aloud so she could hear me .
" That's great then. come down for breakfast." she said and I heard her footsteps away from the door.
These are some of the days when I wake up really early, I barely sleep. It's like I have to do it, if I had any or knew where I could find any I would ran and supress this urge. I need it in my veins I kept getting convulsions. I didn't want to worry mom I knew I'd get through it.
I put on my uniform got my bag then I held the watch which I thought by now would be already working the water was no longer there but it. I placed it in my bag and decided to take it for fixing after school. I went downstairs greeted Mom finished my break then went to school .
I was getting the hang of not coming late to school but the urge I felt was shitty. I went to class and as I was entering Tess greeted me . " Good morning Troy ." with a smile on her face. Can't say a flirting smile just elegant, friendly, too friendly it scared me.
" Good. . .morning Theresa " I was so nervous that I said her full name. Dang it.
" Oh, no need to complete my name you can call me Tess. . . it's what my friends call me." she said with that same friendly smile on her face. The urge reduced and I started counting from ten downwards each with a heavy breath just like mom told me. Right now but to heavy to draw attention to myself while I'm with Tess.
Ten. *breath in - breath out*
" Okay Tess " I replied looking at her.
Nine. *breath in - breath out*
" Teresa is way too long and hard to say " she added.
Eight. *breath in - breath out*
" I don't find it hard to say it I just think it's really cute "
Seven. *breath in - breath out*
I kicked myself mentally for the last two words I had said. But I was really surprised how the fuck did I say that without pissing on my self my heart is in check too.
Ofcourse I wasn't too cautious like always the count down was distracting me.
" Oh, thanks Troy " she said and laughed a little.
Six. *breath in - breath out*
I again starred at her longer than I should have.
" Okay you can go and sit " she said realising that I was just looking at her.
Five. *breath in - breath out*
" Oh ... sorry" I came back to my senses and immediately went to sit.
Four. *breath in - breath out*
Amanda looked at me and smiled as I head to my seat, I guess she had also realised that I liked Tess.
I went to my seat Jenny and Jerome had already reached.
Three. *breath in - breath out*
" Hey " I greeted Jenny
" Hey chilly" she greeted me back her attention on the book infront her.
I fist bumped with Jerome and sat down .
Two. *breath in - breath out*
One. *breath in - breath out*
I felt a little better now.
" What are you doing ? " Jenny asked.
" Nothing " I said.
She continued looking at me for sometime and then looked away.
The Economics lesson started and this time I can say I understood something. Main reason I was distracting myself from that fucking urge.
We went for break and this time after break it was library time so we had to do research.
Library time was the only good thing on a Thursday afternoon otherwise Thursdays sucked economics mostly all the maths. Most kids liked it and so did I but whenever I wasn't concetrating on something it came again, so it wasn't the best option right then. Boyfriends and girlfriends dominated and us who didn't have ...well.. we hang around too, or studied.
I looked around after we had gone to the Library I was with Jenny but I couldn't find Jerome. I needed something to distract me.
" Where is Jerome ? " I asked Jenny .
" I don't know he said he's going to pick some stuff from class but hasn't come back yet " Jenny said.
I saw him seated with Amanda talking but Tess wasn't there I wondered where she was .
" Look Jerome is there with Amanda " I told Jenny who was busy vigorously writing.
She looked and saw them " Yap ... I knew something was up with him " she said then turned her attention the book.
Jenny worked well with the distracting her fragrance and my curiosity to touch her atleast her cute nose or the lips or thighs not to be dirty but I was dying here I needed a serious distration and it worked great.
After a while I saw Tess walking out of the Library with a tall muscular guy there hands were crossed together. I knew that was her boyfriend Jerome had told me about . I just continued looking in the book not even getting what I was reading Jenny was still vigorously jotting down, something.
" Hey, can you at least not make me invisible " I said to her .
She turned her eyes to me for a second and said " How I'm I making you invisible ? " then again turned to her the book.
" You have been writing for almost an hour " I said to her.
" Okay ...what do you want ? " she said putting her the pen down.
Seriously I had started undressing her and I didn't like distracting myself that way I needed something better mom always told me conversations worked great.
" Can we talk " I said I probably sounded stupid.
She widened her eyes and laughed at me slowly.
" You are joking, right ? "
" No let's just talk " my breath got a little heavy when I said this.
" Are you okay ? " she said.
" Yeah, yeah " I said and respected the calming count down.
I could feel my body starting to shake and I hated it. Jenny picked up her pen and started writing down whatever she was writing.
It was getting worse, my right leg started shaking involuntary. I closed my eyes. Mom told me if it doesn't work there other way around this one may work it's like meditation. The little noise in the library made it difficult.
My left leg started shaking too. I was gonna have a fucking attack and then allover again I would become the school freak, the weirdo.
******to be continued...