I walked slowly inside and made my way to the living room she sat up the look in her eyes shock. "I...wasn't sure but..." I heard her softly words and looked at her. "what are you talking about?" she then pulled a book out identical to the one I stole from my brother but with the title it had red wolf eyes embroidered into the leather cover. "in this book it speaks of a human that under the right conditions who survives death at any point in life and can harness that existence over death can surpass any practitioner of the shadow rythm and when they do their eyes will be that of a lycan but they won't carry the virus they will simply be a human that supersceded death and is more powerful." I looked at her and said "what does that have to do with me?" "vardalaks are considered the dead they simply are a beast that when killed turns to dust. they are a walking corpse they don't require food drink nothing to survive they just are. the poison animates their cells because they were already killed. lupus which is the base of the virus does two thing if it doesn't mutate and make the person a lycan then it kills them slowly if they are already dead but congest or get lupus in their system during the point of death they reanimate and it takes years for them to look more human again roughly three. so vardalaks are those that walk in death with life. They are unnatural but your mother was one and had you with a lycan because all their body functions still work but due to being dead they don't require using them or having the drive impulse and instincts to do what is required to live cause they don't live. the two mutated uses of the lupus virus fought eachother so much it killed you in the womb. you were born taking that walk between life and death. you survived death. you practice this art the way the special few of our tribes chosen to take that walk then learn the shadow technique your eyes will become blood red and your power and shift will be stronger than a lycan who practices the technique bitten born it don't matter." I thought about it and then asked "so why make me stand to the point of death?" "a requisite to practice the technique this way is to control what we call the lazarus effect. if your able to harness your body even when not shifted to control what should inevitably kill you but instead leave you alive then you can practice this technique" I nodded then decided to ask the dreaded question."how many tasks are there for me to be able to harness the technique in this manner?" "10 you have 9 left to go each harder and more dangerous than the last till your body can fight anything that could kill you and heal and reanimate you faster." I decided it was well worth it and took to the bedroom reading the newer book she gave me. as I studied and understood what was required and how the tests tested my predicament of being dead I realized what was at stake. I never imagined it would kill what humanity I had within me but that was exactly what it was supposed to do and Arya had informed me there was risks. I walked to the library and entered my secret room behind the shelves. there I read up took notes studied and drew up diagrams of what the effects might look like upon my being to learn the art of shadow rythm in this new manner. they called the practitioners who practices it this way shadowhunters they were chosen to hunt from within the darkness and were to mirror darkness like they were darkness. I noted the methods of fighting were powerful with this technique. I started my study by looking towards what the next challenge was but this was something I didn't expect to be of consequence. I've had my life taken before and been driven to breaking point even death but now it wanted me to take my own life as the second challenge. I knew this would be hard because I was driven to survive driven to win this war with the monsters that ruined my life and family. I walked in and I said "your fucking kidding me right?" and threw the book at Arya's feet. she looked at the book then looked at me as if I had done nothing and said "no it's not a joke, nor is it easy especially for a lycan" I seethed she acted like this was some stroll in a park. I didn't remember yelling at her or how I came to pick my ass up of the ground but she stood over me and said nostrils flaring in rage "don't raise your voice or hands to me again do as the damn book says and learn to fight better our lives my life depends on it" and there it was what she wanted from this little venture. I was to be her meal ticket to safety. nothing more or less and here I foolishly brought her to my home of secrets my sanctuary unreached by the rest of the world. I was doomed no one and nothing truly cared or ever did care enough to be a part of my life. every instance of feeling and being alone turned away and scrutinized during my life hit me like a tidal wave. I was so utterly alone the misery hurt so bad it started to turn to rage and the rage into a seething weapon. "don't bother getting mad your worthless shit. and the mitt child of the king." her words were worse than any blow it killed my anger in an instant and made me hate my guts I could feel the heat drain from my cheeks and I stilled like a deer in headlights. I shook my head trying to deny it and she said low and even next to my ear " even if your mother never told you deep down you know it's why your so dominate so violent so uncaring and so worthless. your own mother didn't want you cause of him he's your father so kill yourself cause she said your just like him and remind her of him. she told your half brother to take you instead when he drug her back to the king." I felt the hit like it took the air from me I couldn't believe no I wouldn't believe it I ran to my hidden room I grabbed the sword an honorable zen master gave me for my valor and I impaled myself upon it as the world spun upside down sound muted as my body hit the floor and I knew no more I seen my reflection. my eyes burned like dark blood red color as the emotions mixed together and those eyes were the last thing I saw. I walked through the blackness that I found myself in. I was watching me throughout my life the looks my mother gave me how she would be fearful and disgusted by me at the same time. funny how I noticed but not noticed in those moments. when I turned 12 I seen how she would watch and fret over everything which I thought was weird. then how she would warn me against violence telling me it wasn't okay. she was scared but when asked became angry and said I shouldn't meddle. my whole life every instance where family passed me around and frowned upon me as a shameful dirty secret. no one wanted me when I was growing up I always fended for myself. I was an infidelity child far more powerful than my siblings and they and everyone else feared me. I was death and I never noticed until now in this dark strange room whose blackness was like a mirror reflecting my life back at me. "where am I what the hell is this place?" I screamed into the void no echo no answer in response as I watched my life up until I fell looking upon that cabinet. I sat upright and instead of a scream a roar. My body was hot feverish as my temperature rose my hair thickened in places as my skin turned blue and cold as ice my teeth my face and my ears all stretched. I felt like I was wearing a tight shirt so I ripped at myself my muscles exploding. the words echoed in my mind "the beast hides in the man by day and the min hides in the beast by night. the one who walks in red bathes in bloods sight" it was then I realized in all the fights the lycans only partially changed like they couldn't handle the light and that they could only fully change at night but the light only made it feel as if my skin was suffocating and I could change in it. they were weaker than me and my power was consistent non stop where as theirs was limited. I roared my body having morphed and I looked in the mirror. my body was massive hairy with a wolfs head standing like a man's with the legs of a wolf but simply were just a man's over grown from the ankle to the toes by alot. the muscles were bunched and corded where the hair wasn't the skin was blue like death blue dark cold and empty of warmth. the hair was black like my natural hair color.my eyes were bright blood red like a ruby instead of dark blood red like old blood. I was changing my power was almost complete I wouldn't be dead or alive but both. I walked out into the living room my rage so calm like an ocean having been empowered with knowledge as well as turbulence. it was a feeling hard to describe but if I had to describe it I would say it was like feeling cold inside like nothing existed where your emotions and conciouscence should be. I walked up and lifted Arya by her throat not knowing when I had gotten to the second floor or when I had lifted her up. she struggled and grasped at me trying to free herself but to no avail. her pleas sounded empty and like she lacked sound to them. the world spun as I realized my role and that I was unlocking parts of myself that were always there.i never noticed how my shifts were at night how I hated day time or that the same could be said for other diverse carriers of the lupine parvovirus. the virus makes us weak as much as it does strong. this wasn't what I had expected and then the bright bang and light that brought sound back in a concussive explosion had me on the ground roaring and holding my ears. the foot fall of boots entering my vision as I tried to look at my assailants had my head reeling back and into the darkness again as a foot came at my vision quit fast slamming into my face. the sounds of orders and voices and the woman screaming faded out.