We lay quietly together, my head on his chest tracing patterns on his taut skin, both lost in our own thoughts.
I'm not sure what I should say right now. I want to talk about a future together, to know if he really does love me. I want to tell him finally that I love him too, I want to discuss that epic sex and tell him how amazing he makes me feel, and how amazing he feels!
I am also wondering how and when we should discuss his confession. We have to. I know it, he will know it, but it is not a conversation I relish.
While I continue to ponder this conundrum he speaks.
"We really will need to talk about my confession"
What? Can he read my mind?
"Yes, we will" i reply sleepily, trying to stifle a yawn.
"Come on" he jostles, "let's shower and get a little room service, maybe watch a film and snuggle. Let's have a nice calm night in and talk about it when we are fresh tomorrow."
Sitting and pulling me up with him he holds my face, caressing my cheeks with his thumbs and kisses my nose before standing up and holding his hands out to me. I accept his invitation and stand too, beginning to unfasten the underwear. He holds the end of the belt and pulls me the few steps towards him, kissing me gently, one hand now resting on my hip.
"I LOVE YOU!!"
Well, there it is... the most romantic way to tell a man you love him.... dressed in nearly not there, semi bondage gear, a belt around my neck after that same man has just confessed to killing a man.
I really do have a knack for terrible timing!
His eyes fill with tears, his bottom lip wobbles and he throws his arms around me, pulling me into a tight embrace, his body warm and strong as he kisses my head.
MEMORY HITS ME!
"You didn't do it!" I gasp
"What??" He croaks, holding me away from him, his face pale, eyes searching mine, pleading with me not to taunt him.
"I remember! You were coming down the stairs just as Laura and Vinni came in the front door and saw..... saw...."
My words get stuck in my throat, my saliva glands working overtime, lubricating my throat in readiness for the vomit that my body is going to expel, I can't breathe, my whole being shivers and my lehs struggle to hold my weight.
"Sydney! Hey..... it's fine, stop. It's ok! Take some deep breaths, slowly in, slowly out. That's it..... well done, good girl, that's great" he encourages, the wave of nausea passing as my panicked and rapid breathing slows down too.
I look up into his eyes, he looks terrified and I want to ease that fear. I smile and tell him again that he didn't do it.
"Why can't I remember? I must have done it, I was over his body, his blood all over me. I must have seen him ..... ahhh..... bastard!!! I must have seen him hurting you, picked up the shoe and hit him with it, that has to be what happened." He states flatly, his eyes darting around the room as he runs both hands through his hair, scratching his head violently before almost falling to the floor as he lets out a heartbreaking roar of pain and anger.
That attack didn't only effect me.... it effected everyone present, Yanni, Laura, Vinni and..... and apparently... Harry!
"Yanni, the mind is a powerful organ, the most powerful infact, it buries traumatic memories to protect you from the pain they would otherwise cause. That's frustrating, trust me, I know, but it's self preservation, a necessary process. You will remember when you need to, but I know it wasn't you. You came down the stairs and pulled him off of me, pulling me into your arms and you rocked me, you soothed me and kissed my head... you kissing my head just now reminded me! Don't you remember?"
"Yes!! Yes... I do! Oh my god.... I do! I wanted to kill him, to feel his bones break under my fists, I wanted to hurt him so much Sydney, you have no idea, but soothing you was more important to me. You will ALWAYS be more important than anything else to me! Besides, I didn't need to because ...."
His words tail off, he looks like he has seen a ghost, all colour draining from his face. I'm scared, he looks utterly bereft!
He knows who it was.
There are only 3 more possible suspects.....
Laura...
Vinni....
... and Harry!
As much as I dislike Vinni I can't see it being him, there must be some good in him, I mean, he's Yanni's identical twin and he is certainly a good man, of course there is good in Vinni too!
Laura is a calm, cool and professional highly trained, high ranking police detective, I've known her almost all my life, there's just no way!
That just leaves Harry.
Harry...the evil, dangerous, twisted doppelgänger of his father Henry. Two sadistic, vicious narcissists seemingly competing for the title of 'Best worst person ever'.
Killing someone is something that wouldn't phase either one of them, in fact I feel like that has always been the ultimate wet dream for father and son alike.
I think the son has dirtied his sheets first.
I think he did it.
I just need to prove it, and also that he killed Lola too. I HAVE to remember that night..... but how?
I have to go and see him!
I am definitely keeping that to myself!
"Sydney?!" Yanni is waving his hand in front of my face with concern in his eyes...
"Hey, are you ok? You went away again!" he probes softly.
"Oh, yes! Yes, I'm fine, I was er, just thinking about that shower actually. Shall we?!" I incline my head in the direction of the bathroom with a small smile, holding my hand out for his.
"Yes.... let's" he responds mildly as we head to the shower together. We spend a long time in there, enjoying the sensation of the hot water on our skin, soaping each others bodies between gentle, sweet and tender kisses. It is blissful, but we can't stay in there all night.
Once we are dried, dressed in our nightwear and tucked up on the sofa with a selection of tapas delivered by room service, a terrible romance film on TV that neither of us are really watching we finish our conversation from before the shower.
"Syd, I think I know who did kill that fucker, and to be honest I'm glad they did because he deserved it, low life scum! One down, one to go!" he bites out angrily.
"What do you mean Yanni?" I ask, confused by his words.
"Well, McHale is dead, just Harry to bring down now. I am looking forward to that so badly my knuckles are itching with need.... the need to smash his teeth so far down his throat he'll only be able to eat corn by sticking the cob up his arse!!"
I don't think I'm supposed to laugh at this but the image is just too funny to ignore. I giggle, quietly at first like a naughty schoolgirl, looking into his eyes, the confusion on his face making him look like a five year old who's been asked to give a lecture in advanced quantum mechanics! This makes me laugh harder, Yanni still looking bewildered by my behaviour, but I see the beginning of a smile on his lips and he is soon chuckling along with me.
"It was Vinni!" he whispers, the hearty chuckle soon becoming wracking sobs!
What? No... no wonder Yanni is so devastated by his memory.
"No, I don't believe it. It had to be Harry. We need to catch him in a confession."
"Well that is never going to happen." he sighs.
Maybe it will.
My cogs are whirring as I lead him to the bed. Sleeping on a problem often helps me resolve them. We climb under the cool cotton duvet and lay together, my back to his chest, his right arm over my waist and tucked under mine. I love cuddling, spooning like this being my ultimate favourite.
I refuse to spoil such a perfect moment with thoughts of Harry so I focus on Yannis low, steady and deep breaths, his powerful chest pressed into my back, his hand clasped in both of mine.
I drift off to sleep with a smile on my face and I dream sweet and sexy dreams, all starring my favourite Aussie superstar rapper!