I sit back on the stairs heavily, almost falling, and grab the handrail to steady myself. I haven't ever felt this afraid before, not the first few times Harry hit me, not as the violence escalated over the years and not even during Billy McHales recent attack. Harry has patience to spare when it comes to devising torments and punishments for me. In the years since I divorced him he has had a pretty strong incentive to do that, along with his perverse desire to utterly consume everything that used to be me, leaving just an empty husk of a human, he now also has revenge! Revenge for the insult I did to his ego by rejecting him, the gorgeous, famous 'sex idol' model and actor!
"Harry!" I whisper, hoping that the sheer terror I feel is not so apparent on my face or in my voice.
"Let's go home shall we?" he says simply, lifting me by the left hand from the step then taking my arm in his and heading towards the exit. I am petrified, my legs stiff and non compliant, Harry threatening to pick me up and carry me if I don't walk. I will my legs to work and I thank the heavens that they do, just holding his arm has me fighting the gagging nausea!
He has a new car, typically flashy, red, sporty and of course expensive. He is incredibly proud and can't stop gushing over it, quoting 'bhp's', 'mpg's' and 'torque speeds'. I have no idea what any of that means and I really don't want to, his voice already sending shudders through me.
"Why so quiet darling?" he sneers
Figuring I have little left to lose at this point I snap back.....
"I'm just busy forcing my stomach not to jump out of my mouth. You make my skin crawl..... you disgust me... but you no longer frighten me Harry!" I lie.
He inhales deeply through his nose, reminding me somewhat of 'The Bisto kids' whenever their mum made gravy!
"Now Sydney!! Please, don't embarrass yourself... That's just not true is it. We both know that..... I can FEEL your fear, hear it in the waver in your voice, see it on your pale face and smell it on your skin! Anyway....." he says glancing at the digital clock....
"I really should get a wriggle on, I wouldn't want you to be late for your special surprise!" he chuckles, a huge grin on his face as he looks at the horror on mine!
"There it is!! Yes!! There's the look that makes me so fucking hard! Oh Syd, you don't know how much I've missed you, and that body looks pretty good right now..... you've lost weight, I'm glad you took my advice. Did you have lipo, or a gastric band maybe, or have you been working out? Perhaps your little Australian boyfriend has been working you out..... hmmmmm!?
Oh you naughty, naughty Dolly. Didnt I tell you that you would always be mine. I don't care about what's written on some pieces of paper, you are my little wifey..... forever, and always!" he taps the tip of my nose with a 'booping' sound, the pre violence Harry... the calm before the storm if you will!
I refuse to answer, my mind reeling, dread already bubbling away in the pit of my stomach. I'm glad I told Yanni how I feel about him and we had last night, I just wish I had said goodbye to him this morning..... I'm not sure I will ever get the chance again.
"Only a few more miles. You remember the way home right!?" He asks, turning to look at me.
Home!?
That luxury prison where material things were thrown at me to keep up the pretence of a normal, loving marriage. After an initial few short months, 78 days to be precise, where I truly believed he loved me and I loved him too things changed. He began berating me for imagined wrong doings, for not being attentive enough, not being available whenever he wanted me. He kept insisting that I quit work but I resisted, hoping that his distaste at having a working wife would lessen and he may accept that it makes me happy.
He fumed when I wasn't prepared to entertain his somewhat 'exotic' sexual preferences, nor indulge in drugs as per his wishes.
The more insistent that I try some of his fetishes he became, the more steadfast in my refusal to participate I was, many of his suggestions immoral and vile!
I hadn't dreamed that he could be as cruel as he eventually was.
" I've been creating some new games for us to play, I'm so excited, we are going to have so much fun!"
So much fun? Those words! I have heard them so many times in life but there have only been a handful of times where that has been the truth, and none of those were with Harry!
"Right, here we are, home sweet home! Welcome back wifey! Come on now..." he enthuses..... " Come on, hurry up, 'The SIX' are waiting inside for you..... they want to give you a welcome home gift! They've been saving up for it since you ran away and left me. Isn't that kind Sydney? A gift.... for you! What amazing friends we have, right... 'Dolly'?!"
"Y-y-yes..." I stutter, my heart in my mouth, palms sweaty and skin clammy, my stomach doing somersaults. I know what they have been saving for me and I know I'm not going to like it!
I felt sure this period of my life was behind me, I stupidly thought enough time had passed and he would have given up on me. Wrong, oh so very wrong!
"Yes.....??" he clicks his fingers as he coaxes me to say it...
"DONT make me ask again...Dolly" he growls through gritted teeth.
Almost as if a switch has been flipped inside me I become her.... I become Dolly. I'm not sure why he chose that name, maybe because he knew the tragic story of baby Dolly and enjoyed causing and then getting to observe the pain that hearing her name caused me, or maybe something much more base.... because that's how he and 'THE SIX' treat me.... like a Dolly, to be used for their pleasure alone. The more painful, dehumanising and sick it is the better for them!
"Yes... we do.... we have the best friends....Master!"
"Come on, let's go and say hi, get you changed and have some drink...really get that welcome home party going!!" He drags me up the driveway to the front door and ushers me inside, my eyes never leaving the floor.
I am going to die in this house!