2am and I'm still awake, restless, aroused and very frustrated. I'm not sure how to play things with Yanni after this afternoons 'almost event'. Im desperately sad that we didn't manage to bump uglies as I'm certain it would have been utterly phenomenal if the build up was anything to go by, but a tiny part of me is glad we didn't get any further than some very hot and heavy making out. I am using this time to try and catch up on the Lola Livingstone case, checking for any new leads, arrests, evidence etc…. but there seems to be very little reported. Laura has told me in the past that sometimes the police don't publicise certain details of a crime scene, keeping key evidence to themselves as a way to gauge whether a suspect really could have been responsible, by knowing something that only the killer would.
Huffing loudly at the lack of information available, and also somewhat due to the party going on in my pants, I decide to check out flight costs and dates for a trip back to the UK to visit my parents over Christmas, see Laura, check on my house and look into Lolas case.
I think that putting some distance between Yanni and myself would be a good idea, giving him time to attempt to repair his relationship with Eloise.
My stomach begins grumbling loudly as I missed dinner earlier. I heard Noah knock on my door and call out my name while I was in the bath but I didn't want to be around people, and had actually lost my appetite, so I pretended to be asleep and prayed he would leave without coming into my room. Thankfully he did.
Unable to ignore the gnawing ache in my stomach I decide to pop down to the kitchen and grab a snack, maybe some fruit, just to tide me over until breakfast, hopefully allowing me to sleep a little. I decide that due to the time it won't be necessary to put on a bathrobe, everyone else should be well asleep by now, so leave my room in the red satin shorty pajamas I put on after my bath.
The silence in the kitchen is only punctuated by the tick of the huge clock on the wall, not another sound to be heard, making every little action seem ridiculously loud in the cavernous kitchen. I've decided that fruit isn't going to be enough to satisfy the angry beast that is my stomach so I am preparing a sandwich as quietly as possible, although every sound is amplified in the huge room.
After a few minutes I have created the most delicious looking Turkey salad sandwich and a glass of apple juice and am just wiping the counter and placing unused salad back into the fridge before I head back to my room.
I'm sure I can hear raised voices coming from along the corridor, the room that Eloise uses, and being the nosey journo that I am I pick up my food and head towards the doorway to see what I can hear. The door is very slightly ajar allowing me to see the owners of the voices. Yanni is standing with his back to the door and Eloise is sitting on the edge of her bed looking up at him as he speaks.
"... no right to behave like that Weeze, none at all! You don't own me!"
"Yanni, I am your girlfriend" she says, air quoting the word girlfriend, adding angrily "Did you forget that?"
"For show purposes only Weeze, don't YOU forget that! You are my manager, and a great friend, and whilst this arrangement suited us both before, it no longer suits me. Ive found that I have developed feelings for Sydney and I'm pretty sure she has some kind of feelings for me too, and my having a girlfriend isn't going to help me in my attempts to begin a relationship with her. I am not a cheat and don't want to be viewed that way by the public. This... us... needs to be over. I'll speak to Ferdi tomorrow and get him to draft a press release announcing the amicable end of our personal relationship, but the continuation of our professional relationship, ok?!"
"Yanni, please! Just think about this a little longer. Look, I don't want you to rush into anything. Take some time and think carefully before doing that. I've only ever wanted to protect you, to care for you. You know how much you mean to me. You're very special to me and always will be. Just think about this a bit, I don't want you to get hurt, and I feel like she will hurt you" she says pleadingly, true adoration settling across her delicate features as she approaches him and raises her arm to place her palm on his cheek.
She is almost the exact opposite of me in terms of looks. Where I am fairly average in height at 5 ft 6in, she is tiny, maybe around 4 ft 11in in her bare feet, presumably why she always wears those annoyingly loud skyscraper heels.
I am Caucasian with curly blonde hair and a fairly curvy build, she is Korean, with the straightest shiniest jet black hair and the body of a ten year old child. How could he be attracted to two such different women? Don't men have a 'type'?
A voice that sounds remarkably like Yannis enters the conversation from a position in the room that I can't see from where I stand. Damn it!
"She's right Yanni, if you ask me I thi....."
Turning to his right to look at the owner of the voice he barks " I didn't ask you though did I? You have no idea what this is like for me. You have it all dont you! A girlfriend who loves you, that you can be seen in public with. The easiest job in the world, free world travel, relaxing on your arse most of the time while we're all busy busting our balls, and a bank account filling rapidly with cash you don't need to spend because all your expenses are covered by me!"
"Hey, fuck you Yanni! Have you forgotten why this arrangement even exists? Hmmm? Because I haven't! Shall I remind you? Remind you that due to your progressive and crippling anxiety you almost lost your place in the group? Without me you'd be nobody again, invisible. I love you Bro but fuck, you piss me off when you get like this!" the disembodied voice sighs loudly.
"Just take a few days to think about it eh? A rash decision won't help any of us. Make sure she's worth it, please? We only want you to be happy, especially after what happened with Lola"
I gasp in shock. Lola? Ben's Lola? The dead girl in the hotel in London Lola?! It can't be. Can it?
Yanni must have heard me and turns to look at the door so I dash back down the hall praying to a God I don't believe in to allow me to make it out of sight before he sees me, spilling juice as I go. Shit!
I make it around the corner of the hall and begin making my way up the stairs but I am stopped in my tracks by three words.
"You ok Syd?"
Yanni is standing at the foot of the stairs looking up at me with questioning eyes. I gulp, my head swimming with information, a multitude of responses on the tip of my tongue but my voice has abandoned me and I stare back at him blankly.
"Hungry?" he nods in the direction of my plate with a raised brow.
I begin babbling, something I do when I'm nervous. "Oh, erm, yes... yes! Hungry. Yes. I fell asleep and missed dinner you see, so I just made a sandwich, my stomach is growling so loudly I can't sleep. Haha….. mmmm, I thought.... hey, erm….. why are you up anyway?" I ask shakily, changing the subject, my voice trembling and knees shaking.
"Couldn't sleep. Lots on my mind. Got up to sit in the garden to get some air, try to help me sort out the jumble. I think it's helped. Listen, I think you and me need to talk about what happened earlier today" he says, beginning to ascend the staircase, causing me to start moving upwards too.
"Really, that's not.... I mean, I don't think we need to talk about it. I think it's best we just forget about it and carry on as before. Ok?" quickening my pace attempting to extend the distance between us, reaching my door in only a few more steps.
I open the door and turn to close it behind me and find Yanni is filling the doorway again, a puzzled look clear on his beautiful face as he takes in my less than appropriate nightwear.
I swiftly wish him a Goodnight and close the door, leaning my back against it and letting a shuddering breath leave my tense body.
I have certainly lost my appetite now so place the sandwich on my beside table and get into bed, but I don't think I will be getting any sleep now, so many questions that I'm afraid to find out the answers to swirling through my mind.