'PETER!'
My eyes pop open before I can register where the sound of screeching is coming from.
Shit, it's me. The strength fades from my body as the adrenaline dissipates.
The image of what woke me still visible behind my lids as I attempt to simmer the clenching in my chest. But it won't fade. I can already tell today is a bad day.
I look at the torn make-shift curtains it's pitch black so I know I've awoken way too early to go train without drawing unwanted attention.
I yank my purple locks in frustration. Why the hell is it like this? I just want to train. I want some goddamn rights. More than anything I want to see my family. I'm sick of being alone. What's the point of life if I'm hiding and alone all the time?
Hot tears roll down my cheeks so I know I'm at a point of no return. All I've done is bury these emotions and now the heaviness I feel is too much.
The only family I ever knew and I ran. I left them and the last image I saw was Peter's outstretched hand before the guards yanked him back…the horror in his eyes as he saw me back away then turn tail and run.
Why did I leave them? I keep justifying but there is no excuse. Im as bad as Her. She sold me into basic slavery yet I loathe her but what did I do? I abandoned my friends and ran because of fear. They were going to send us out there again to fight and I couldn't watch another of my friends get clawed to death. I couldn't have more scars that never heal. I was a coward.
My friends could be dead and it's my fault. I did this. I could have turned and attacked the guards but I didn't because im not fricking good enough.
My chest begins to heave and the last control I have slips away.
'I CAN'T DO THIS'…I pull my knees to myself barely noticing as the claws appeared and are now cutting my clothes.
But I rock myself as I weep. I weep for my kind of people. I weep for my friends. I hate myself. Silver scars all over me …even without turning I look like an animal.
I slam my head on the mattress as I throw myself forward desperate for these thoughts to stop but they won't. This is karma for my betrayal. I'm not even allowed to sleep without seeing them.
My tears have dried but the heaving remains the lack of breath making me dizzy. I need to breathe; think of good memories Erza I know I have at least the strength to distract myself. I think of running on all fours as a fox feeling the wind rush through me as if I'm one. I laugh at Kyran electrocuting guards. Uriel's beautiful fire as she fights. Grayth and his mistakes with his fog that I relentlessly teased him for …finally Peter comes into my head but I cannot picture anything happy so I remember his face. Peter was classic for always scowling but when he smiled, he was a boy again it made us all feel we had some childhood.
I open my eyes and can see light shining on the ceiling. Jesus how long was I consumed in my own head like that?! I stumble out of bed and yank the curtain down to see people milling around the streets.
Crap. I have got to train. I strut to the draw and yank it so hard the handle comes off in my hand. Brilliant looks like I forgot I activated my power. Looks like I'm gonna have to yank it by force.
After some time I'm in my scruffy clothes reserved for training. I put my ear to the window to ensure there is no one on the fire escapes to my luck there isn't.
I climb out the window and leap up the stairs to at a time to avoid being spotted once I get to the roof it's clear and I can hear the busy life of London brewing around me. The perfect time to train as no one can hear me above the traffic screeching past.
I step to the center of the roof and stretch my arms willing every cell to feel the air around me. Soon enough my hair stands on end and I feel the sting of hair growth before the cracking of my bones changing begins. It's agonizing but it's a necessary evil of my power I feel every crack and I just have to will myself to carry on. Once that's complete it's my organs adapting to the fox form that sends me dizzy. After an eternity im in Fox form. Now my next form to push my body to is a Hawk.
Since my power allows me to transform into any predatory form if I train hard enough that means anything. For now, a hawk is best…who knows if I master it, I could even fly to my friends at high risk. check on them at the institution.
Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself…I need to focus.
First, I visualize the hawk in my mind. Size. Weight. Wingspan. Anything I can grasp.
Now comes the worst part trying to initiate a change because I'm not careful I could be a fox with wings.
I push myself on my hind paws but fall down almost immediately. Fine guess I have to transform this way and not fall on my face. I close my eyes and try to sense every around me. The weather, air density, listen to the traffic below. Observe the washing on the line fluttering in the breeze.
Right now, I've got my focus I need to release the power through my veins. I feel the warmth flood my veins as my power consumes me. Okay now visualize the size first. As the image crosses my mind, I feel my body shrinking as my view of the world lessens. I grit my fangs ignoring the pain of my bones, I knew this would be hard. I have to fight it.
I look around and notice I've managed to shrink my size. Now the focus is on my head… I visualize the hawk's beak and eyes before I can comprehend my head transforms leaving me winded and breathless. How do birds breathe through these tiny nose holes in their beak…ew?
I've managed the size and head feeling motivated I decide to push further and visualize the talons. The talons appear knocking me off balance due to my lack of experience but I'm feeling a sense of pride in my second attempt at the Hawk form and my progress is astounding. Finally, the wings and feathers. I close my bird eyes and breathe feeling my arms break themselves into wings and the itchiness of feathers breaking through the fur I once had.
I open my eyes in agitation praying I've managed it. My body looks the part other than the purple coloring thanks to my unique hair. I hop over the silver bins to see some part of my reflection, I managed it…. I can't believe it. This could work if I train my power enough I could survive out here. I could even save them… perhaps I could go back for my friends? _No, I couldn't I'm not that strong.
Back to training. Time to test out these wings. I hate heights so this is going to be a challenge. I step back into the center of the roof to ensure I don't fall to my death should this fail. I stretch my wings and wow does that feel nice. I see why birds fly so much if this is how it feels to fly.
I gulp down the building saliva and flap my wings once. I lift slightly off the ground but nothing impressive. Okay, more strength in this one. I flap once more feeling gravity pushing down on me but I go higher this time. So, I let my excitement take over.
Flap. Flap. Flap. I'm flying! I'm a meter off the ground. Aha!
Or so I thought pretty soon my excitement backfires as I forgot to hold my wings level and get sent flying into the greenhouse behind me.
First word. Ouch. Second, I need a shower thanks to someone's lovely tomatoes I just splattered. I hop out of the plant stand and shake my feathers but to no avail.
Sigh. Guess I will have to stop training for today. But I can happily say I made progress on my Hawk form. YES! I didn't need that stupid institution to teach me anything about my power. My power is my power. I just proved I don't need anyone to hold my hand.
I stand and shift back animalistic noises echoing across the roof as my transformation causes the cracks of bones and tissue.
After sometime im human again and attempt to shakily wipe the sweat off my brow. I stand and ignore the sharp after pain as my one desire is to shower the day of training off me.
Peering over the side of the roof I see the streets still busy as always. London never stops. I hurry down the fire escape and climb back into the studio.
I pick my sleep clothes out of my room from the broken draw and hop into the cold shower.
Cold because of no gas. No gas because no job. No job because of the fact I'm a government 'property' runaway. You get the gist.
Despite the temperature, I enjoy the shower as it takes some fatigue out of my sore muscles. As I wash my boney body with the Dove soap I 'borrowed' from other flats I see my scars. I refused to change beyond my fox form for those idiots. One because I didn't think I was capable and Two I didn't want them tainting my power.
They didn't like that. I was put through intense hand-to-hand combat training and punished each time I refused. Some days it was isolation rooms. Other days my rations were 'lost' but the worst days were when they hurt my friends.
My friends would be put on longer shifts to fight the entities and we would think they were dead because of how long they went. Some days I was so tempted to give in but they wouldn't let me. They knew what my power meant to me even then I still left…
I shake my head to stop that line of thought and focus on counting my scars instead of silver now as they have aged but they are everywhere. The most obvious is my cheek.
On the right side of my cheek, a silver line travels from my hair to across my cheek. A fast entity came at me in fox form that I couldn't dodge caught me. I guess I pissed him off scurrying around and biting its ankles to prevent stability. It could have blinded me had I been in a different form but I survived which means something. But when we got back to the institution the guards smirked with glee who stood by the gate.
Once I recognize Velgar he was the one I clawed because he blocked me from Her the night, they took me. I bet he thinks it's karma since his face has three silver slashes from cheek to cheek thanks to me.
Peter laughed when I first told him the story claiming how our tempers were so similar the guards would know not to piss us off. I smirk as I switch the shower off and get changed.
For dinner, it's baked beans for me. I normally heat them up but I'm tired I can't be bothered. I snatch a can from the cupboard and plonk it down on the bed. I enlarge my fangs and rip the can clean off and scoff at my power. Beat that, Edward Cullen.
That's something I don't get. People loved those twilight films and that character yet all he does is run fast and suck blood. If anything, I preferred Jacob black because at least he had a human side. He just wanted Bella safe but no she had to go for the clean-faced blood obsessionist, a bit like how everyday people hate us Kids, because we are different but believe in a government that cannot even rebuild a bunch of flats like Grenfell.
As I munch on beans frustratingly, I carry on the line of thought. Society likes a bunch of people because they are in a suit and say pretty words yet hate us kids who live by the truth of their powers and die saving them. How is that fair? Isn't anyone going to stand up?
Someone needs to make a stand. Alert the public, Hell. The world. To what they are doing.
But that person needs followers and power which no one I know does. I mean it has to change some-time, right? It will. Someone will make it so like the great Martin Luther King.
Jesus, I need to stop thinking. I can feel a tension headache coming on with all my worrying. What my priorities are right now is Training. I need to get stronger so I can survive which means developing my power. Then maybe one day I can see my friends again… one day I can tell them sorry. Hopefully, if there is a next time, I can take Peter's hand instead of running from it.
The thought repeats in my mind until I'm lulled asleep by the bang of the can Im holding connecting with the floor.