My eyes flutter open as the bright light shines in.
I sluggishly slump forward enjoying the peaceful morning for once.
My eyes drift towards the couch as I see Layla sprawled out snoring lightly.
It's only been a few days since I brought her here and it's mainly been spent with us eating regularly and talking.
On a Wednesday the day after I brought her here, we ate breakfast together and spoke of her father.
She told me she'd barely met the guy as he was away working which I have to admit made me laugh. A similar excuse happened with my dad who I never met.
Layla did try to probe me for answers to my past but I was reluctant to tell her anything let alone about my friends.
I honestly can't determine why but I can hazard a guess. 1. I don't want her to see me as some monster because I wanted to survive even if meant the cost of their lives. 2. I don't want to be seen as some broken thing that won't be fixed.
I don't need or want to be saved…I want to protect Laylauntil she finds her dad…don't ask me why I just feel a sense of duty towards her.
Despite how wise Layla seems she is still young…she doesn't know how evil everyday people can be…I don't want her subjected to that alone.
I roam my eyes over her sleeping figure and see her thin wrists poking from beneath the blanket. My sole aim was to get her weight up a bit now we have that jackass's wallet. Then as promised I'm going to let her join my train. She jumped and down like a kid at Christmas but then again, her powers were probably restrained too.
My aim for my training this session is to practice hawk form flying to see how far I can go. This would be awesome for aerial travel and less chance of me being caught as there is a purple fox roaming around the streets of London.
I shove the sheet off my legs and tiptoe to the bathroom. As I round in there I see in the cracked mirror my less haunted reflection. Peering forward I see my cheeks have filled in slightly making me look less ghoulish and the purple bags my eyes hold slightly faded. But as usual, my frizz of curls sticks up everywhere.
I sigh deeply. Some things don't change, eh? I cup my hands to the sink and throw the freezing water on my cheeks jerking me from my dazed state.
Typical leggings and t-shirt today for training. I would rather rip cheap clothing I can now buy anytime than the jacket the guards gave me. As much as I hate the memory of that place that leather hooded jacket is my only connection to them.
My friends. I feel my heart constrict at the thought and the tears burn my eyes.
I need to see them. I need to tell them I'm sorry. One day I will be reunited with them. But I need to get stronger...I can't visit them if I get caught again. Besides who says they want me back? My friends could be cursing my very name for leaving them to certain death. Especially Peter. Jesus…I didn't think about how he reacts to seeing me again since it was him, I personally chose to not take his hand.
Panic seizes me. My hands begin to shake. Oh shit. A panic attack. My breaths come short and shallow …I cant calm them. All I see is Peter's eyes…the look of betrayal he shot at me when I backed away…how can I ever look at him again. Then of course she pops up. My bloody mother's image always comes when I'm in a place of doubt it's like from wherever she is now she still wants to push me down.
Black fills my vision as all I hear is my heartbeat pulsing in my ears. Think of something else Erza. Anything else. Grass. Trees. Running in the moonlight. Erm erm erm. It's not working. Crap… am I going to die? Is this it for me? Jesus, I can't like this.
My breath quickens and my heart follows desperate for some oxygen to pass around my bloodstream. I dig my nails into my palms wincing as my claws come through to pierce the skin. I'm scared…I can't stop the images coming to me. Her. Entities. Peter.Guards. I feel my body rocking back and forth but I don't know when it started.
As the black fills my vision I feel myself losing consciousness until weight is on my shoulder. I squint my eyes and I see Layla's eyes bore into mine.
Her mouth is moving as her face is panicked but I cant hear her over my heartbeat.
She rubs my shoulder and slowly but - I can feel my breath slow just slightly. This gives me enough strength to use my power to bring on my animal hearing in fox form.
I hear her raw voice repeating three things. The sun. The moon. The truth.
Huh? I don't understand it but it's working.
'Erza listen to me. Repeat after me. The sun. The moon. The truth.'
I try to speak but all that comes out is a growl, I didn't even know I could make.
Layla has both hands on my shoulders.
'The sun. The moon. The truth.' Layla gestures her head signaling my turn.
I cough and try again.
'The sssun.'
Layla beams 'carry on!'
'The mmmoon'. Layla claps.
'The truth.' Layla's relief is evident. 'Go again Erza!'
I sit up a bit. 'The sun. The moon. The truth.'
'Again.' Layla encourages.
I take a deep breath as my chest gently loosens. 'The sun. The moon. The truth.'
I keep breathing and relief washes over me to find Im alive and I'm calming down.
Layla falls back her head against the sink. 'You alright'
I look up at her shocked to find myself on the floor…don't remember that happening.
'Yeah…I'm okay thank you. What was that?'.
Layla seems surprised. 'Oh, that? A Buddhist mantra my mum taught me when I get stressed. She would make me repeat it until I calmed my heart rate.'
I nod to her and remember the words in case this happens again so I won't have to embarrass myself by a teen having to mother me.
I pull myself up leaning on the wall. Offering a hand to her.
She takes it and stands up quickly dusting off her pj's we brought.
'What does it mean?' I stare at her head quirked.
'Well, the full mantra is: What are three things that cannot be hidden, the sun, the moon, and the truth.'
I agree wholeheartedly with that…maybe Buddhism is onto something.
'Thank you for helping me.' I look down embarrassment consuming me.
'Does that happen often?' Layla looks down as she asks.
'Only when I think of my past.' I begrudgingly admit.
Layla perks up. 'One day will you tell me about it all?'
Startled I look at her. 'Yea sure one day.'
Layla nods and hops across to the kitchen.
'Beans?' She inquires. I chuckle. 'Yep!'
As she brings the cold beans over, I slump on my bed muscle fatigue taking over.
I have got to get these attacks under control…if that happens when I'm fighting I could be killed.
I shake my head refusing to go down that road. Focus on my training.
Before I can ask Layla about the training she interrupts 'Erm Erza…?'
Wary of her tone I respond suspiciously. 'Yes?'
'You er do realize when you were…having an attack back there. You were transforming, right? Layla fiddles with her can and I see her nervousness.
'No, I didn't but it can happen sometimes when my emotions go wild. Why?'
I narrow my eyes expecting some remarks…
'Well, Erza…you weren't turning into a fox. The fangs were too long…it was more like a big cat...' Layla's eyes have widened showing her unease.
My can of beans nearly drops from my hand as I struggle with what I'm hearing. Oh shit…again?
The last time this happened was when She left me to the guards. It's the stress and anger I've buried.
'Sorry if I've scared you Layla…sometimes when my emotions get overwhelming it happens. Well, it happened once before...' I hang my head.
Layla looks determined all at once. 'Why are you apologizing it's okay! Sometimes I lose control of my water. We just need to train! Plus, it's another creature you can work on, right? She smiles.
'Thanks, dude. I appreciate your understanding. Also, I guess if I train it may stop my power overwhelming me in moments like that…you helped me so let me help you now.'
Layla looks surprised but excited.
I feel determination build in me. 'Finish your beans. Change and training begin.'
'REALLY!' She yelps. I nod smirking. 'First things first. Meditation to gain focus. Second, summoning all the water, you can. Third, seeing what you can mold with it. Fourth the strength of it.'
'AWESOME!' Layla proceeds to gulp down her beans and sprint off to change.
I chuckle. At least she is excited.
We will get stronger. We will be able to protect ourselves whenever we have to. But most of all we ain't alone anymore, I won't let her down the way I was. Never.
Speaking of which Layla is taking forever…' COME ON'
'Comingggggggg!' I hear a yell and heavy footsteps.
Despite the wait, I find myself smiling...it feels good to not be alone.
The weather is sunny and I feel giddy…life is looking up for once.
The sky is full of the songs of birds and instead of jealousy, I feel a sense of companionship…one day I'm gonna be free.
I will be free even if it means I have to fight my way to be free. Then I will fight and if I have to kill anyone who stands in my way.
The world isn't fair and I'm not so naïve to think it is anymore. I have people to find. I have people to protect. I have a life to live. So, screw the government because I'm gonna live it. They want me then come and get me.
I will be ready.