After coming back to the sect, he slept the whole day. The next day, he woke up later than usual, skipped cultivation, took a bath and went straight to the Wisdom Hall. Not for class, it was still vacation time and classes would start the next week.
His goal was the Pill House. He didn't want to delay any more. He knew himself, if he didn't do things as soon as possible, chances are they would never be done. If he waited for Lin Yingjie to come back from vacation to use his connections to get a better starting point, he might come up with an excuse to delay it further as he had been doing the past year. It could be him hesitating to ask for a favour, or maybe the mood or the timing was not just right, it could be anything. He could use those connections later but he had to get in when he was motivated.
The Pill House was a huge building complex in a U shape with a lawn having a fountain in the centre. It supplied pills for thousands of disciples and some were even sold outside. It was an important source of income for the sect. So obviously there were guards at the entrance.
They checked his token and asked for the reason behind his visit.
"I...."
'Wait, I never asked how one would become an alchemist. What should I say? Alchemy must be a popular art, so there might be some test to restrict the number of newcomers to fit the available resources. So I can't just ignorantly say that I'm here to join the Pill House or something like that. Damn! I should've asked Yingjie about the procedure. Sigh whatever, I'm already here, there's nothing I can do.'
"I'm here to learn alchemy."
"There's a test held every month. After the vacation period is over, come by and enquire about the details. For now we can't let you in." one of the guards said.
Zhang Wuji left disappointed.
'That guy was so impatient. He must have thought I'm an ignorant loser trying a hand at alchemy after failing at cultivation. Fuck! I should've asked about the procedure one has to follow to become an alchemist. What was I doing all these months! No worries, I'll try again as soon as brother Lin is back.' he thought as he walked back to his room.
'Shit! I forgot to ask about the test. Though I think he would've just shooed me away. I'll just ask brother Lin.'
'What should I do now? I could cultivate, but I just came to the sect. I'll start from tomorrow morning, mornings are the best for cultivation after all. I guess I'll go to the city.'
He went to the city, roamed around aimlessly doing nothing, came back tired and went to sleep.
The next day, he drank his herbal soup, put the herbs in the pots to soak, and started his cultivation.
He did the first and second cycles and got ready for the third. By now he was fed up with the routine exercises. The same stances, breathing, stretching, though he was now more comfortable and at ease physically doing the exercises, it was just too boring. He messed up frequently and sometimes gave up in the middle from frustration.
He lay on his back and started the first breathing pattern. It was relaxing, he had to stay vigilant and not fall asleep. The third cycle was the easiest for him. Although there were some distracting thoughts which made him mess up his breathing pattern, overall it was soothing and felt good.
'This is the only good part in cultivation. Well, not good, but acceptable.'
'Once I become an alchemist, I'll eat pills like food and forcefully break through body refinement realm. Starting from qi condensation, the supernatural starts, that will be awesome. I can't wait for that.'
'That's way in the future. I gotta concentrate.'
'Cultivating is becoming more and more difficult. If my efficiency doesn't increase somehow, becoming an alchemist wouldn't help me in anyway.'
'Why do I have to do this? I could just do some small job in the family business and marry some commoner and enjoy life. I'm a young master for god's sake!'
'No! I can't continue with this train of thought. This is the cultivation world. The normal world itself was cruel. There were wars, concentration camps, slavery, genocides, rapists, serial killers and more. This world would be atleast a hundred times as cruel. Some strong evil cultivator passing by is enough for the whole Eagle Mountain city to disappear. This is a world where strength rules.'
'But, don't they say 'there is always a taller mountain, higher sky'? Doesn't that mean how much ever effort I put its useless? I might as well spend my remaining time in leisure.'
'Shit! This is all going in the wrong direction. I gotta think of a reason to cultivate. Think, why cultivate. To increase strength, obviously. But, what is the use of that? There'll always be someone stronger. I'll ever only be relatively stronger. What is the use of that? I still can't do whatever I want, even if I'm strong, I could be overwhelmed with numbers.
Beauty? Sure that's good, but a great beauty is a trouble magnet. I'm fine with an average beauty. There's plenty of such beautiful women in the cultivation world. Even if I were to stop cultivating now, with me being a young master, I could land a beauty.
Respect? Now that is good. As long as I am willing to be the head of a chicken, I'll gain plenty of that. There is no need for strength, I just need to find myself a weak chicken.
Right, usually MCs say they cultivate to protect. So what do I have to protect? I got no one.'
He didn't notice but he had long stopped cultivating. Zhang Wuji lay there for a long time, lost in thoughts.
'I got no one.' He suddenly felt like he had nowhere to go, nowhere to be, no place to call home. He did not belong. He was alone.
His mother's unwilling face as she sent him off appeared in his mind. It started to overlap with his own mother in his previous life. His chest started to feel heavy all of a sudden. He clutched his chest tightly and sat up.
'What is this? Do I feel guilty? She's not even my mother!'
'It was just a lecture. Why was I in such a hurry to leave? He's not wrong, cultivation IS important. It's better to know its importance in a family competition then under an enemy's blade. He even saved my ass in the end! I fucking live on his money and can't even wait for him before LEAVING!' He took the pot beside him and threw it on the wall.
*Bang*
The pot cracked, its contents all on the floor. He looked at the spilled contents and felt miserable. He felt weak and let his back fall to the ground. He dumbly stared at the ceiling and stayed there. The liquid in the pot spread and made his side wet. He didn't care and remained on the ground, tired.
He didn't know how long he was like that. He brought his left hand to his face and looked at it. It was sticky and had some herbs stuck to it. Much of the water had evaporated leaving behind a thin sticky layer on the floor. He sat up with the support of his arms and stayed there for a moment before standing up.
He took a set of clothes and towel and went straight to the bath centre. After cleaning himself, he came back to the room. Looking at it's state, he didn't want to stay there. He closed the door and went to one of the gardens and sat on one of its benches. He stared into space, his mind still dull. He sat there, still, doing nothing. His mind was in a muddled state the whole time. Long after the sun had set, he went back to his room, placed the bed properly and went to sleep, leaving the sticky floor untouched.
The depression continued for two days. He did nothing and just lay on his bed. He didn't wanna go out, so he made a meal out of his herbal soup when hunger was unbearable. He only went out to refill his supply of water.
On the fourth day he felt this was pathetic and served no purpose. So he decided to cultivate a little. He didn't know what purpose that would serve but he knew he couldn't continue like this. He cleaned his room, scraped the sticky medicinal liquid off the floor, somehow dragged his body to the city to buy a new pot and started cultivating.
It was difficult to begin but got smoother and smoother as he continued. The moment he noticed that, his mind became active. All kinds of thoughts bombarded him. Slowly a single one remained. Regret. He should've stayed home longer, atleast left in a proper manner.
The regret grew with the cycle. So much so, that he couldn't continue. Frustrated, he went to look for Pan Mu to chat a little and clear his mind off.
Pan Mu had come the day before. Right after coming he had checked whether any of his friends had returned. When he came to Zhang Wuji's room, he got rid of him using cultivation as an excuse and went back to staring at the ceiling.
Zhang Wuji reached his door and knocked. There was no answer. He waited for a while and knocked again. After a few breaths, the door was opened.
"Brother Zhang, I'm cultivating right now. Let's talk later if it isn't anything urgent." Pan Mu was covered in sweat and was half naked.
"No it's nothing. I couldn't cultivate and wanted to pass time. Nothing urgent. You continue."
"Alright. Let's meet in the evening." Pan Mu gave a wide smile and waved goodbye.
"Sure." Zhang Wuji managed to squeeze out a smile and waved back.
'Guess I'll go to the library.'
In the library, he tried different books but everytime he manages to read a few pages or sometimes a few words he gets the urge to throw the book away with all his strength. He gave up on reading books. He decided to learn a new martial art to get his mind off the depressing stuff. It worked with Eagle Claw Art. Now that there was no improvement in it, he lost the drive. With a new manual, he might find that drive again and his cultivation will then be back on track.
Though he had no sect points, every disciple was given one martial art manual for free at the time of joining. Old Zhang Wuji already had his family's Eagle Claw Art and decided to keep the chance to choose his manual when the need arises.
He went to the second floor and browsed through the martial arts manuals list kept at the desk. His best choice would be either a weapon art or a movement art. If he chose a weapon art, he would have to go through the hassle of choosing and buying a weapon. He was not in the mood for that. As for movement art, he thought they wouldn't be forceful enough to act as a release for his emotions.
What he wanted was a domineering move where he could explode with all his energy. After a while he finally made his decision. He followed the list and reached the third shelf from the left. Somewhere in the middle, he found the book he was looking for. The 'Obliteration Fist' manual.
It was a simplified version of the original Earth tier martial art. The sect also had the original. He could've chosen an art with Heaven tier origin, but those were much more complicated and it was not like a higher tiered original manual would lead to greater strength. It just made one ready for the original manual saving them some precious time. Most importantly, he didn't find a Heaven tier origin manual that beat the 'Obliteration Fist' when it came to explosiveness.
The Earth tier Obliteration Fist was kind of like a do or die move. It required one to go all in and release all of one's energy in one single move. If it hits, you win, if it misses, the user would be left vulnerable long enough for the enemy to deliver the finishing blow. In it's mortal version, it requires all of one's accumulated momentum from each and every part of the body to be concentrated in one's fist and released in one powerful explosive punch. It is highly impractical in a fight. For such build-up of momentum and concentrating into fist, one has to perform a sequence of wide moves that leaves one full of openings. Even at the time of release, it is relatively easy to dodge. Hence it was not a popular art in the sect.
But it fit his needs. He took the manual to the information desk on the first floor and gave the book along with his token to the yellow robed young man behind the desk. The young man took them both and put them in a separate pattern and activated them. They shone green after which Zhang Wuji was handed his items. He took them and left for his room.