Zhang Wuji got to his room and started reading the herbs book. He had a notebook and brush by his side. From what he knew, writing helps.
'I could try linking things. That made sense.'
'These are some good notes she has written.'
'Ai, I already feel guilty. Little girl don't blame me. I really don't have the time to play with you. Once this thing is done, I promise I'll make it up to you.'
He had already decided to not go tomorrow. He felt like what he was doing was wrong. She did help him.
He studied for a couple of hours before heading out to do his martial arts training.
He continued with this routine for a few days. Whatever free time he had before was completely allocated to studying. The picture of harmony had long lost its effect. Before that, he managed to reach initiation in Obliteration Fist. Now that he didn't have to learn from scratch, his martial arts training was going well even without the calming effect of the picture.
The same couldn't be said about cultivation and studies. If it were only cultivation, he could've managed it with the boost his improvement in the Obliteration Fist was giving. He had done the same with Eagle Claw Art before. But with his alchemy studies in the mix, things took a bad turn.
He did not know what the problem was. He did not waste any time. He did not chitchat, did not read history as a substitute for novels, did not indulge in daydreaming, no eating snacks while staring into empty space to pass time, did not play, he did nothing wrong. He was always infront of the books, he just couldn't figure out where all the time went, why was he reading so slow.
This was effecting his cultivation too. He was getting scared that history would repeat itself and he would waste his life away. He had a problem and from experience, where he did not actually even try and failed repeatedly multiple times in his life, he knew he was not capable of solving it.
Everytime he encountered the problem there was a not so little voice in his head that kept saying 'no bro you can do it, it's a small thing, if you really want to do it, we know you could do anything, so chill.' He fell for it everytime. It was such a nice little voice, empowering, positive, good. It gave him the confidence to take on the world, the confidence that he could sleep for the day and start his campaign on the world the next day and still manage to have it under his thumb.
Sometimes, he knew the voice is wrong this time and he needes help but he did not want to ask for help, he did not want to look vulnerable, weak infront of others. Everytime he managed to build up the courage and wanted to ask for help, his ego built insurmountable walls around him. But he had long started to feel he was rotting inside. He did not want to go down the same path. He did not want laziness to win this time.
He had to act before he lost clarity and succumbed to the voice.
It was late night. He got out his room. Wan Lin's was closest to his. He walked in that direction. Midway, 'Wait, I don't think we are in such good terms. If I were to ask him, he might laugh at my face before beating me up for disturbing his sleep. I should look for Pan Mu or brother Lin. Maybe I should wait till tomorr..'
He didn't let the thought complete, ran and banged on Wan Lin's door. He sighed in relief. Step one done.
"WHO THE FUCK..?!" He heard half of Wan Lin's shout before a single thought 'Run run run run' completely occupied his mind and he was stunned by it.
Wan Lin angrily opened the door and was angered further looking at the one who disturbed his sleep. "Zhang Wuji, there better be a beast herd or something cause if not I'm gonna RIP you in half." He spat through gritted teeth. He didn't want to wake anyone and tried to keep the volume down.
"I..." Zhang Wuji was brought back by the shout. His heart started beating fast, he couldn't think straight.
"WHAT?" Wan Lin shouted, irritated.
The shout restarted his thinking.
"I, I.."
"What you? Speak. UP."
He wanted to ask for help. Three words. I. Need. Help. But, he couldn't get those words out. He didn't understand what was happening, he felt helpless. Unknowingly, tears started to roll down his face. When the second tear dropped, he felt the warm tear on his cheek. He realised what was happening. He was crying infront of another like a pussy. Miserable. He grit his teeth, held his breath, tried everything he could think of to stop them.
With a sharp involuntary inhale, the gates opened. He covered his mouth, wiped his tears, before finally falling to his knees in defeat and letting the tears drop.
"Oi oi calm down, get in first." Wan Lin took some time to react. He softly said as he helped him up and made him sit on his bed while he took a seat on the chair. He waited patiently for Zhang Wuji to calm down.
After some time, he stopped crying. He felt light and peaceful after that. That only lasted for a second though. He kept his head down and wished to disappear as he thought of how he had just cried infront of Wan Lin.
"Alright, now tell me what's wrong. And don't worry, I won't tell this to anyone and won't mention it ever again."
Zhang Wuji looked at him gratefully. Now that was one thing less to worry about. He shook his head to get rid of any stray thoughts, took a deep breath and did what he came here to do.
"Thanks for that. Brother Wan Lin as you know, I'm seventeen and at fifth level only. I studied for alchemy the past few days but I just couldn't concentrate. My future looks bleak. If I want to change that, I need to work hard. But that's my problem. I'm too lazy, never worked hard. As soon as it gets tough or boring, I quit. I tried to change that multiple times but failed again and again. I can't do it by myself. So I thought I should get some help." He said it all in a single breath. It was tough to say that he couldn't do it but he somehow managed.
"And you came to me?" Wan Lin was puzzled. They didn't really have any good talks at all. He didn't understand why he came to him.
"Yours was the closest room to mine. I was afraid I would lose clarity before I walked to brother Lin's room."
"Oh. So what do you want me to do?"
"I don't know."
Wan Lin looked at him strangely. He wanted to snap at him but the guy just cried so he controlled himself. He thought for a moment before coming up with a solution.
"I can't help you with the laziness thing. It is one of those things that only time could deal with. If you forcefully try to get rid of it, you'll only grow frustrated which would make things worse."
Zhang Wuji was disappointed. He stood up and said while managing a smile "Sorry for disturbing you this late brother Wan Lin, I'll make it.."
"Sit down! Let me finish, have some patience." He ordered with a frown. Zhang Wuji sat right back down.
"Let's forget about the root for now and deal with the actual problem. You have two, cultivation and alchemy. For alchemy, I suggest you hire someone to teach you. Ask Yingjie, he might know someone good. If that doesn't work, you could try studying with someone. This might not be as helpful but is better than nothing. The main problem is finding someone willing to do that. You should also work at the herb garden. Not full time, just an hour a day. You bribe the right person and you could get to work at the garden of your choice. This way you could get familiar with many herbs and could revise at the time of working. You won't make a loss here. Just give all your earnings as the bribe, that should be enough. What?" Wan Lin looked up and saw that Zhang Wuji had a unnatural expression on his face.
"Nothing, I just.. for the teacher, I know someone." 'Little teacher Li is gonna chew my ear off sigh.'
"Oh? Who's that?"
"Just someone I met at the Pill House."
"Ok. Good go to them and learn from them. Even if they don't teach good, it would be better than you staring at the book hoping to study. That soles one problem. As for cultivation, you gotta give me more details. Do you not do it at all? Do you not do it properly? What is the problem?"
"Some days I skip it but most of the time, I don't do it properly. I don't do the exercises till exhaustion, don't stretch to the max, my mind drifts off and in the bath, I always end up scratching."
"So you don't do a single step properly? How the hell did you even reach fifth level? You should be thankful for that, you know." He gave him a look filled with frustration. How was he supposed to deal with this?
Zhang Wuji lowered his head a bit and gave an embarrassed smile.
"Well whatever. Look, your mind drifting and scratching are not something anyone can help with. Concentrate on your breath even if it is the most normal pattern. That's all I can say. For the other part," Wan Lin pinched his forehead, vexed with the situation.
"Go ask Pan Mu if he's willing to watch over you and make sure you are doing it right. I'm sure Yingjie won't do it, he always has somewhere to be. And as you know I'm busy with my sect duties and can't help you." He looked up and saw Zhang Wuji hesitating to say something.
"What now?" He asked with exasperation. He was trying his best but there was nothing more he could do.
"Why don't you quit the job.." before he could finish with the idea, Wan Lin burst.
"WUJI DON'T ASK FOR A MILE. I GIVE YOU SOME LEEWAY AND YOU ASK ME TO QUIT MY JOB. I KNEW YOU WERE A BASTARD THE MOMENT I MET YOU." Wan Lin grabbed him by the collar and slammed him into a wall.
"I was just saying you should become a second class. I'll pay for it and give you fifty silver on top of that. Brother Wan please don't misunderstand." He said as fast as he could.
"Oh. Sorry about that. I was still a bit sleepy. I didn't mean any of that." He straightened his collar and cleared any wrinkles on his robe while saying apologetically.
"I understand, no problem. So what do you think." He really didn't mind. He did disturb him in the middle of the night and he had only been accomodating the whole time. Even gave some good advice.
"Brother Zhang, Yingjie once came with the same offer, I rejected him straight away. I don't need charity." He said seriously.
"I think I worded it wrong. I'll pay you the silver in exchange for your help. I don't know why I said give."
"No I understood that. You pay the fifty silver for second class that should be enough. The fifty on top of that is unnecessary. I help you for two hours max and I'll be free the rest of the day. I'm profiting already."
"Alright." They shook their hands, talked for a bit before Zhang Wuji got up to leave.
"Brother Wan Lin, don't tell anyone about that, you know, me crying." At the end his voice was barely audible.
"Ofcourse, ofcourse. But seriously, you did good today. It must've been tough to open up to me. That's one step forward. You keep this up, and you'll be alright." He patted his shoulder and said sincerely.
"Thanks brother."
"By the way you should take the will power test once a week. If you stay on the steps till your mind is fatigued completely, it would help grow your mental strength. Although not by much, but if you keep forcing yourself to climb higher, and you succeed, it might help you track your progress and give you a boost. Nothing is more encouraging than improvement. Alright, I gotta sleep. We'll start the dafter tomorrow. Tomorrow, you talk with that teacher." He closed the door after he said his piece, clearly eager to sleep.
'Sigh, Li Xiaomei, what should I say to her tomorrow. I'll bring along some gift. I'll just say I was sick for a few days or something. Ai, what a bother.'
He went back to his room and slept smiling, eager to meet with tomorrow.