Sunday, November 2, 2007: Carson makes it to Tacoma by 10:00 am. He finds the house key under the rose bush as Luis mentioned a few hours earlier. Once inside the house, he walks into the kitchen, sees a note on the counter that is addressed to him, and pours himself some coffee. The note is short and sweet.
The note: "Good morning Carson, glad you made it up here. Hector and I are on a morning hike; we left at 8:45 am and should not be out for too long. Help yourself to coffee, food, or tea. If you could feed and water the cat for us? Much appreciation and love." -Luis
Carson laughs out loud and hears a small 'purr' sound near the refrigerator door. Rupert is staring at Carson, waiting for his food and water to bowl to be refilled.
"I take it the old geezers forgot to feed you before they left?"
"Purr"
Carson smiles and walks over to Rupert. Rupert walks against Carson's legs, purring like a motor and soaking up the attention. After the food and water bowl have been filled, Carson hears the front door open. He hears Luis calling to him.
"I take it you read the note, Carson? Rupert is not making a fuss and purring his heart out."
"Yes, I just filled his bowls and finished a cup of coffee. Whoever brewed the java this morning did a good job. It is strong and not bitter."
Hector takes a moment to thank Carson for complimenting his coffee brewing skills.
"Much appreciation son. I worked as a barista in my younger days."
Luis and Hector are standing in the doorway leading into the kitchen. They are watching their adult son pour himself another cup of coffee. Both men look at each other and start smiling with their eyes. The pride and joy radiating from both of them is immeasurable: they love having their kid home.
"Why are you two staring at me? Have I done something wrong?"
Carson's question nearly goes unanswered. Luis breaks the loving moment and answers his son.
"Hector and I were admiring you, and feeling proud of the young man you have grown into. The only crime you have committed is growing up too quickly."
Carson rolls his eyes and sips from his coffee. He responds to Luis.
"You are sounding more like dad. At this rate, you may as well start talking like him, this way, the atmosphere during family dinners will be more light-hearted."
"I will take your words as a compliment Carson. Where are we going for our coffee side chat?"
Carson finishes his second cup of java, puts his mug in the sink, and faces his parents. He looks at Luis, then Hector, and back at Luis: at which time he responds to Luis' question and makes a statement.
"How about we go to the old diner the three of us frequented when I was younger. Also, I brought the two of you some treats."
Carson points to the pink box sitting atop the kitchen counter. "Lucy Q's Bakery" is written on the box in bright blue ink. Hector's eyes light up knowing full well the box contains pan au chocolate. Luis notices the box too and thanks Carson for the treats.
After a quick conversation regarding Luis' and Hector's hike, Carson's drive, and the weather, Luis and Carson head out for brunch. The diner, Carter and Carter's Breakfast, is a few miles away from the Wilson residents and accessible by foot. Luis and Carson decide to walk to the restaurant.
The two men remain quiet on their two-mile walk to brunch. Once they are seated in a booth, a waitress takes their orders and sends them off to the kitchen. Luis opens the conversation.
"Be honest, kid, how are you feeling today?"
"Right now, I am feeling relaxed and unhindered. During my walk, I had a thought."
"A thought regarding what may I ask?"
The waitress returns with Luis' and Carson's beverage orders: water for both parties, iced tea for Luis, and another cup of coffee for Carson. Carson loves his coffee and caffeine.
"A thought regarding emotions and vulnerability. I am not the greatest when it comes to sharing my true feelings, and I am starting to think Athena is picking up on this. Before our movie night, I had a ten-minute crying session in my car."
Luis is eyeing his son with warmth: growing up, Carson was an affectionate child and very empathetic. He is still empathetic today, but it is more toned down. Carson continues sharing his thought.
"After my crying session, I went into Athena's house, we hugged for a few minutes, and I shared my feelings with her."
"What did you say and how did she respond?"
"I told her I am feeling sad, frustrated, and angry. Sad at watching her deal with cancer, frustrated at me for feeling useless in helping her and flaking out on appointments. I am not sure what my anger is directed towards. What feelings did you have when dad was diagnosed with a brain tumor?"
Luis chuckles: humor is a coping mechanism Luis and Hector developed during their journey with cancer. Athena uses humor and sarcasm to cope with strong emotions and tough situations. Carson usually shuts down and pushes through when the going gets tough.
"When Hector was diagnosed, I was shocked and unsure what to do initially. I poured most of my time and energy into research and supporting Hector's emotions. At some point, I had to stop and do some inner work before continuing to support your dad."
Carson sips from his water and is watching his father with a stoic face. He wants to know what type of inner work Luis had to do in order to support his husband.
"What do you mean by inner work? Are we talking yoga, meditation, therapy?"
"Journaling. Three months into Hector's treatment, I started to crack. I would lose my temper over trivial matters, could not sleep at night, and felt emotionally drained during the day. A friend of mine suggested journaling. I know what you are thinking kid, me sitting down to reflect on my feelings...a bunch of jibberish."
"You took the words right out of my mouth. How did journaling change your behavior or what did you learn about yourself through journaling?"
The food has been delivered: Luis puts butter on his whole-wheat toast, while Carson sips from his refilled coffee cup and grabs a bite of salad. Luis continues their conversation.
"I learned it is easier for me to process what I am feeling through writing. Once my thoughts are on paper, communicating my needs with others and expressing myself is easier to do. Over time, I felt more comfortable establishing boundaries with Hector, let go of things beyond my control, and showing vulnerability."
Carson continues eating his food while listening to Luis. He nods his head to indicate he is listening. A new thought comes to mind as Carson bites into his hamburger.
"If I am not mistaking, you went to therapy a few times. Do you feel comfortable telling me about your therapy experience?"
Luis takes a sip of water and a bit of toast. He has not openly shared his experience in therapy with other people: Hector included. Hector was somewhat aware of Luis seeking mental health support, but, it comes as a surprise how observant Carson was as a child.
"I see nothing got past your curious eyes as a child. Therapy was a journey in itself: both good, and bad. Ugly and beautiful. Have you considered going to therapy? I can give you some recommendations."
"The thought of going to therapy has crossed my mind at several points in time. I have not thought of a reason why I need therapy, or what to expect from therapy."
Luis has stopped eating and is fully engrossed in what Carson is saying. He had the same reservation regarding therapy and held onto the reservations the first month or two of therapy. Luis learned to accept therapy as a process and not a sprint. In other words, therapy looks different for everyone and brings up new information with each session.
As the waitress places the bill on the table, Luis hands his credit card to her. He is still listening as Carson continues to talk. The waitress leaves with the card and bill in hand.
"It might benefit Athena and me if we both went to therapy. Couples therapy does exist and it could not hurt for us to practice our communication in a safe space. What are your thoughts on this matter?"
"I suggest talking with Athena first: if she is not on board with couple's therapy, don't force her to change her mind. Do your own research ahead of time to explain the benefits of couple's therapy. Hector and I tried a few sessions of therapy together, and it felt wrong for both of us."
"I would think you and dad would be ideal candidates for couple's therapy. You two work well as a team and understand the other person's thought process."
"Well, your dad and I can't be the greatest at everything. Would you care for anything else?"
Luis is asking this question to see if Carson has anything else on his mind. Knowing Carson, Luis will not see his son for another month or two.
"Athena wants to start a Friday Family Meal night."
"I will run it by Hector, by the way, he is still waiting for Athena to call him back. Knowing him, he will call her in a few days."
Luis and Carson share a laugh as they leave the booth and head back home.