The final verse of "How to Save a Life" starts playing: "And I would have stayed up with you all night had I known, how to save a life. How to save a life, how to save a life." A livelier tune comes on after a short commercial break. To lighten the mood, Athena cracks a joke.
"What do you call a skeleton without arms?"
"I don't know At, what do you call a skeleton without arms?"
"Humorless."
Carson lets out a small chuckle. Athena smiles and laughs alongside him. She brings the conversation back to meeting with the in-laws for dinner.
"Since we are both free this Friday, how about I tell Hector to expect us for dinner on that day? Better yet, why don't we designate Fridays as Family Food Fun Night? Hector enjoys cooking, Luis has implied more than once, that he would like to see us more, and it will give us both something to look forward to each week."
Carson does not answer Athena immediately: he is searching for a parking spot in the Safeway parking lot. Since it is a Saturday afternoon, other Seattleites have made an outing to gather their weekly groceries. He finds a spot four rows down from the entrance to Safeway. Once the car is parked, Carson turns off the engine and answers Athena.
"I am open to the idea of starting a Family Fun Night if our parents are up to the idea. I am certain dad will be over the moon, and father will pretend to not care."
Athena smiles from ear to ear: while Carson, Hector (aka dad), Luis (aka father), and she have an established relationship, the four individuals have not spent a significant amount of time with each other consistently.
Several factors lead to this phenomenon: Athena starting a Nursing program with Seattle University, Carson graduating from the University of Washing and applying for Law School, and Luis and Hector traveling to keep themselves occupied. Carving out time to be with each other is reasonable for all parties involved.
Athena and Carson split up tasks: Carson will fetch a movie from Redbox while Athena gathers the ice cream. Athena gives Carson a high five as she leaves him in front of the Redbox. Her head is still hurting, but she is not letting the pain get in the way of her enjoyment. Once she reaches the frozen dessert section, Athena has to make a tough decision.
"Let me see now, we have non-dairy ice cream options, fruity frozen desserts, and regular ice cream. Carson is not a fan of soy-based desserts, this flavor looks interesting, and so do these fruit bars. I will grab a little something extra in case Carson wants a dessert that is not frozen."
She makes her way to the candy aisle and picks up a box of Junior Mints and Licorice flavored Red Vines. The two boxes of candy are placed in the basket alongside a pint of coconut-based Rocky Road ice cream, a box of Otter Pops, and a pint of Haagen-Dazs Strawberry ice cream. Athena makes it to the self-check-out and waits in a line four people deep. Carson comes into the store, spots Athena, and stands by her side.
"Do you mind holding the basket, it is getting heavy? I need to fetch my wallet from my bag."
Carson takes the basket as she is removing her backpack. The pain in Athena's head radiates from her temples to her frontal lobe: causing her to close her eyes. Once her wallet is in hand, Athena takes the basket from Carson and the couple walks over to the open check stand. Athena pays for the desserts, puts them in her backpack, and the couple heads back out the door.
When they arrive back at Carson's car, Athena shuts her door aggressively in response to the ever-growing physical pain. A concerned Carson gently confronts her.
"Hey now, if something is bothering you please don't take it out on the car."
"Carson, I am in a lot of pain right now and it is hard for me to concentrate on the present moment. And now I am yelling at you for no reason at all."
Athena takes a few deep breaths before she continues talking with Carson.
"My headache has been getting progressively worse since we left the park. I did not want to burden you by telling you this and having it ruin our date."
Athena berries her face in her hands and starts breathing heavily. There is a deeper meaning to her words but she keeps the information to herself. Carson does not press Athena for more information and chooses to stay fully present while she processes her reality.
"Carson, I am scared for what I may become once treatment starts. If I can't handle a headache, how am I going to handle chemotherapy? Hair loss, weight fluctuation, and whatever side-effects my body will undergo. Sure, hair loss and weight fluctuation is not the end of the world, but ..."
Carson gently confronts Athena again.
"Athena please take a few breaths and listen to yourself. We have known each other for thirteen years, give or take a few years. I have seen you handle physical and emotional obstacles with ease before. When your family moved to Berkley, you allowed yourself to feel sad for a few months and learned to adapt. We worked together in building communication with your family to help you adjust to not having them in the same state as you."
Athena's breathing steadies and she watches Carson continue with his speech.
"The last three weeks have been taxing on both of us: your health slowly declining, me feeling like a failure for not showing up with you for two of your appointments, and watching you give up on running to preserve your energy. What you are experiencing now does suck. Whatever side effects your treatment might cause you may suck. I know you can handle whatever curveballs life throws your way. You understand and know you can handle whatever curveballs life throws your way. Do us both a favor and stop beating yourself up for being vulnerable."
Athena's eyes are starting to glean from the tears that are starting to form within them. She can feel the love radiating from Carson's aura and she feels seen in her vulnerability. Having someone she cares about to remind her it is ok to let down her walls and ask for help is like a breath of fresh air. Carson continues talking with Athena.
"I am tired and will snap at some points while supporting you, but it is what I signed up for. We are going to spend the rest of our lives together, and I honestly believe we will get to the end of this cancer journey with our love still intact."
At this point Athena allows herself to cry and does not hold back. Carson reaches over the center divider and hugs Athena. Her tears soak into his favorite Hawaiian shirt, but he does not care. The snot running from Athena's nose falls onto the center divider, Carson figures he can clean up the mess later. Right now all he cares about is supporting his fiancé. Athena starts talking while she is still in Carson's embrace.
"Thank you Carson for showing up and being with me. In the back of my mind, I kept thinking how selfish my actions have been and how my temperament has caused you heartache. I appreciate you validating my feelings and reality."
The two lovebirds let go of each other and allow their conversation to linger between them. Neither Carson nor Athena has to say a word: they both understand where the other partner is coming from and respect their point of view. Athena's phone starts buzzing, breaking the silence. The two young adults smile at each other and turn their bodies towards the front of the car.
While the car's engine starts up, Athena takes a moment to see who is trying to get a hold of her. Her brother Charley is calling. She does not pick up Charlie's call and sends her phone to voicemail.
"Hello! You have reached Athena, I am not available at the moment, please leave your name, phone number, and a brief message. I will get back to you as soon as possible."
Charley lets out a sigh, a habit he picked up from Athena when they were living together, and leaves his message.
"Hey Athena, this is Charley...your favorite sibling. I wanted to see how your weekend is going, what your plans are for this week, and when you are going to update us regarding your health. Mum and dad are slightly worried and Bertha is impatient. Maybe we can Skype or FaceTime this week? Call me back when you can. I love you."
Carson and Athena have made it back to Athena's house. Athena gets out first to unlock the front door and put the frozen desserts in the freezer. The strawberry ice cream is on its last leg and the Otter Pop are not too far behind. Carson lingers inside the car for a few minutes and signals to Athena that he will be in the house within a few minutes.
After Athena goes inside the house and closes the front door, Carson closes his eyes and lets out a few tears. The pressures of school, supporting his partner with her health, and self-care practice is getting to him. He meant everything he told Athena back in the Safeway parking lot. His phone starts ringing and he answers the call immediately.
"This is Carson how may I assist you?"
"Carson, what is the matter? You sound as though you are crying."
"Father! What are you calling me in the middle of a Saturday for? Did dad do something off the wall again?"
"I wish you would stop making assumptions so quickly kid. No, dad and I are fine, I am checking in on you since Hector keeps nagging Athena. Start talking kid, I know you are upset about something."
Carson does not answer Luis's inquire right away. The silence between the two men is nothing new, and each person knows how to give the other space for processing.
"I am feeling overwhelmed with classes, supporting Athena, and trying to take care of myself. All of this, cancer stuff has come out of nowhere and I am not sure what to do."
"What you are feeling is perfectly valid Carson, and you're doing the best given the circumstances."
"How did you and dad manage when dad fell sick ten years ago? What did you think when he was diagnosed? Please tell me I am not going insane."
"You are starting to sound more and more like Hector. Similar to you, I was caught off guard when Hector's health took a turn for the worse. My first thought was to gather as much information as I could regarding brain cancer, competent physicians who treat their patients with respect, and how best to support my partner. It was not easy by any means, but I adapted and managed as time went on. For the record, you are not going insane. I say you are showing concern."
"I am going call you back later dad. Athena and I are watching a movie and having ice cream. Thank you for the call."
"You are welcome, Carson. Take care."
Carson disconnects from the line first.