After about 10 minutes of absolutely horrifying sounds, I open my eyes to see Kimi-chan communicating with the police using the landline. The distraction now turned furry is panting heavily after their of...whatever it is they were doing.
It wasn't intercourse, that's for sure but, I guess the proper word for it would be...woofing? They were on top of each other and woofing into each other's faces and...doing whatever they were doing.
The scary part would be that I'm pretty sure they both had a good time. But even scarier would be how Kimi-chan is communicating with the negotiators outside. He has been calling him "onii-chan" or "nii-chan" for the past hour and I'm worried for that negotiator's mental well-being.
Hopefully that negotiator gets a good night's rest and forget all about this incident with an old man acting like a cat-dog-girl little sister. Just thinking about it makes me shudder.
"Aannghhh~~ yaaadaaa~ i-if you kweep t-talking to m-me wike dat I-I-I....I can't cwontrol myswelf! Nyaaaa~~ wan wan!"
'Ooohhhooo!! What a professional! I'm guessing that the negotiator is playing into the fantasies of Kimi-chan! What a professional, they are sacrificing their well-being for me!'
I move my head to look around a bit and I see that the hostages are...playing poker? What the hell. They are quite relaxed, huh? This must be why Kimi-chan only got 6 years instead of the usual 20 years for armed kidnapping.
I turn my head again and catch Kimi rubbing his stomach while woofing and howling as loud as possible; whatever that means. Landing my gazing on the right of Kimi, I see the illustrator working hard to draw that Bomi picture.
He is shading, he is coloring he is...licking is lips? Oy Oy Oy. Calm down there, friend. You are the illustrator, not the robber, okay?
The drawing gets blown off the table by a passing fan and I get a glimpse of it...Jesus, why is it so detailed? There is the individual hairs and such on Bomi's buxom and her hips...they give me Lola flashbacks.
'Hooooo! The only place hair belongs is the head, crotch, arms, and legs, arms and legs, arms and legs! The only place hair belongs is the head, crotch, arm and legs!'
I start chanting my newly made anti-Red's Wonderland spell to the tune of 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes', now aptly named the anti-Lola spell. Damn animators! You are exactly like this no hair guy! What? The illustrator's salary isn't enough?
Finishing my rant, I stare at the drawing now on the ground. Looking closer, I see the reflection in Bomi's eyes are hearts, the shadow is perfect, her pose is very risqué; looking back at the viewer from a kneeling position with her hands on her lap.
'Wait! This seems...too perfect. Why is this illustrator so good at drawing a naked Bomi? Don't tell me...no! No no no nononono!!! I won't think about that. He can't be! Right! Right?...right? Damn it! I'm right!'
Feeling disappointed for the thousands of kids that watch Red and Friend's I see that one of the coworkers won the game and started celebrating by dancing around. Kimi then started crawling towards the winner for his "prize" since they didn't bet money.
Realizing that Kimi is getting closer and not farther, they hid on the top of their desks. It's like cats playing around with each other. Kimi gets disappointed but goes back to talking with the professional negotiator while twirling the landline chord with his fingers like a little schoolgirl.
Honestly, it was pretty funny.
As I chuckle myself away on the inside, I remember a very important thing; Feelie! Feelie still exists but if he does exist, why isn't he telling me about my recommended quests? Author-san? Did you perhaps forget about Feelie?
—————————
(A.N) n-n-no a-a-absolutely not! What a preposterous accusation you have there, fictional character I wrote!
—————————
'Hmmmm...I'll let it slide for now. I'll get back to the story. Ahem ahem...Wait! Feelie! Why don't I have a quest yet?'
[why? I already explained this to you, you Alzheimer's having old man! I only talk when you think about me! You were thinking about Kimi-chan and that poker game. And oh my god, are you and Kimi really the same species?]
'Oh, so that's why. I thought you were lazing about or something. And to answer your question, sadly, yes. It appears to me that intellect aside, we are the same species'
[humans are really weird. Us systems are all the same except for the personality we are given my the ancestors. I'm sure Kimi isn't as stupid as you though]
'Whatever!'
Ignoring the haters is a really easy thing but not when they live inside of you. Making peace with Feelie is impossible since he was programmed this way. Remembering that I needed to check my various quests, stop thinking about the kidnapping and other things.
'Quests'
[Bing bong! Finally, you access the quests, you 60 year old man! Recommended quests are shown!]
————————— → HARDEST TO EASIEST → (RECOMMENDED)
Become famous on TV (1/1)┃ Hardcore ┃
Reward: Origami Legs ┃ Charm -0.5% (T)┃ Social Skills x5% ┃ Title: ???
Be saved from Kimi-chan (1/1)┃ Normal ┃
Reward: ₲170
Make Kimi-chan call you cute (1/1)┃ Cakewalk ┃
Reward: ₲100┃ Charm x1%
Do nothing (you useless disappointment) (1/1) ┃ Cakewalk ┃
Reward: ₲0
—————————
'What the...Origami Legs!?!? That's the lowest ranked piece of equipment, sure, but it's stilll equipment! The only problem is the quest...dignity or swimming? This is a very hard decision. And there's a title as well!'
This really surprised me since I never thought I had a chance to get a title this early. I don't even know how it works and when I ask Feelie, he usually stops halfway.
Before deciding on throwing away my dignity, I need to double check the increase of stats that Origami Legs give. But before before checking on the Origami Legs, I need to ask Feelie a question.
'Oy, Feelie. My strength is maxed and so what happens if I get equipment while I'm maxed?'
[ughhhhh, finally! Another another good question! I really pray for more of these days! Alright! If you add equipment and it increases your stat which is maxed, nothing bad will happen! That's the point of equipment, after all!]
'Got it, thanks Feelie'
[no problem, thank you...for being such a loser! Ahahahaha!!.....hic...hic!]
'Uhuh, anyways, Status'
—————————
Name: Kim Min-chul
Age: 5
Titles: None! Wow! You suck!
HP: 10/10
STR: 20 (LOCKED) RES: 14
SPD: 30 (LOCKED) STAMI: 20 (LOCKED)
INT: 31
₲Coins: 0
—————————
Checking my stats one more time always give me confidence boost. What kind of kid can say they have the strength of half a man? I have the strength of Tyrion Lannister! Wooohooo! Another 20 strength and I'll have the average strength of a human!
[ahahahaha! And this is a good thing? Have you seen the average human? What a laughable achievement. If this is your goal, then might as well not even have a goalie! Call it an 'ie' since there's no goalie! Ahahahaha!!]
'Yeah yeah. You're just jealous that I have a body. Jealousy is a sin, Feelie'
[wha-]
Again again, ignoring the haters is easy until they are inside your head. Tuning Feelie out using my high intellect, I start thinking about various chemical formulas and once I don't hear him anymore, I start thinking about the shop.
I need to check the Origami Legs gear and see if it's worth it and plus, the readers need to be reminded this is a system somehow, right?
'Alrighty. Seems the screaming isn't too bad and he has calmed down...Shop; least to most'
—————————
StatShop
———
STR +1
₲100
RES +1
₲100
STAMI +1
₲100
SPD +1
₲100
INT +1
₲125
———
MISHOP
——— → LEAST EXPENSIVE TO MOST →
Nothing Nothing ┃ (Nothing Nothing Set) ┃ STR +0 ┃ Push x0% ┃ Pull x0%
₲100
Origami Legs ┃ (Inferior Paper Set) ┃ SPD +2 STAMI +2 ┃ Kicking Power x5%
₲5,000
...
Scratch Paper Arms ┃(Paper Set) ┃ ┃ ┃ STR +3 ┃ Push x10% ┃ Pull x15%
₲10,000
Barely Abs ┃ ┃ ┃ STR +5 RES +4 ┃ Charm x10%
₲9,500
Recycled Paper Legs ┃ (Paper Set) ┃ ┃ ┃ SPD +5 STAMI +3 ┃ Kicking Power x20%
₲10,500
...
...
Ultra Bionic Arms ┃ (Bionic Set) ┃ ┃ ┃ STR +75 ┃Push x300% ┃Pull x200%
₲2,300,000
Diamond-Cutting Abs ┃ (Diamond-Cutting Set)┃ ┃ ┃STR +45 RES +50 ┃Charm x400%
₲2,500,000
Über Bionic Legs ┃ (Bionic Set) ┃ ┃ ┃SPD +50 STAMI +50 ┃ Kicking Power x450%
₲3,000,000
—————————
'Huh...it ain't too bad and actually, it's very good. It's 5,000 for my dignity plus a title? Maybe the title is even better!'
I come up with a decision and am ready to act on it. Near the end of the kidnapping when Kimi-chan needs to make his escape, he holds the child at pencil-point and dashes off where he is found about 1 hour away, washing his genitals at immense speeds.
There, I'll show my face and yell for help. When my mother hears this, she will yell my name and I'll be famous! Muwahahahaha!
'This is perfect! Nothing could go wrong! Absolutely nothing!'
—————————
(A.N) yo! Another chapter! Sorry for the slightly delayed chapter today; my wifi was acting up and I couldn't upload 😢! Again, hope you enjoyed and have a good day/night! Peace ✌️!