I looked at her, unable to comprehend her meaning.
"I might be a genius in arcane, divination, and soul arts, but I am still too weak to guard from the backlash. I have been reckless, to be honest. I forgot my grandfather's firm reminder: the secrets of heaven cannot be divulged haphazardly. The price for the answer was my life. Well, technically, I wouldn't die immediately. I was merely afflicted with Equinox Flower disease."
I gave her a pointed stare, subtly urging her to continue. Celestine seemed uneasy. As if the following words were too difficult for her to voice out.
"The Equinox Flower disease is an affliction of the soul. The person who has it will vomit blood once every day and suffer extreme pain during new moons. It has no known cure. The afflicted have no choice but to wait for death. And when the person dies, red spider lilies bloom in their graves."
I cringed at her explanation. That seemed like an excruciating disease. The suffering was a bit... unjustified. And Celestine contracted this said disease.
"So you mean you were afflicted with the Equinox Flower disease? Man, that's one heck of a suffering. I wouldn't wish that even to my enemies."
Celestine nodded in agreement before twirling a strand of her hair nervously. I noticed her shivering as if recalling a bad memory.
"Then? Continue. Continue." I urged her as I picked and blew on my nails.
"Yes. Uhm. It was truly an agonizing experience. I even question myself at times how I survived that for months on end while doing research on its cure."
I stilled at that and peeked at her with a raised brow. This meek lady is also tenacious when the situation calls for it. It's a pity no one aside from me knows.
"You researched for a cure?" Celestine nodded. I had a confused expression on my face when she did.
"Then why did the solution that you divined point to me?" She sighed and gave me another sorry gaze.
"Let's put that aside for now. You'll know later on. When dealing with any afflictions, curing the symptoms isn't enough. One needs to target the root. The Equinox Flower disease afflicts the soul. Therefore, the soul is the root of the disease. In my research, I discovered an arcane healing spell that theoretically encompasses even the soul. Theoretically only, for no one has ever tried it since it requires one to draw the healing runes unto the soul itself. If this is to be used, one needs to draw out the soul first. Luckily enough, there is a principle in soul magic that answers this conundrum. Except there are complications." Celestine breathed in deeply, and a forlorn and mocking smile appeared on her lips.
"When one draws out a soul, one needs an anchor to make the return possible. If there is none, the caster will be forced to draw the soul into a new vessel. One that also lacks an anchor."
I held up my hand on her face, signaling a time-out. This Celestine-sensei is being too technical. My brain tried to work out the complexities of what she was saying but failed.
"Speak in a language that I could understand, will you?" Celestine chuckled in amusement before letting out a helpless sigh.
"Going about it another way, to cure the Equinox Flower disease, I must draw out my soul and write the healing runes on myself. That part is easy. However, returning my soul to my body is another matter."
I stared at her pointedly. "And why is that?"
"Miss Bai Feng Jiu, I do not have an anchor. My soul does not have a reason to go back." She let out a bitter smile. I was dumbfounded. I feel like I get it, but at the same time, I don't.
"An anchor is a reason to remain in the living dimension." She added as if in consideration.
I shook my head at her in confusion. "You mean like a reason to live?"
"You may put it that way. Except it needs to be strong enough. That is why it is termed as an anchor." Celestine answered flippantly, but the bitterness from her last smile remained in her eyes. A realization dawned on me.
"You mean you don't have a strong enough reason to keep living?" I asked in a disbelieving tone.
"Yes. It is the truth. If I think of reasons, all of them are too shallow. They are not enough to be my anchor." She said gently as she looked at me with a somehow anticipating air. What she was expecting only came to me after a while. Told you my brain tried its best to catch up with the complexities.
"Wait. You said a drawn-out soul with no anchor needed to be put in another vessel similarly with no anchor. So basically, it's a soul swap?" I phrased the question carefully. I had the inkling of the answer in my heart. I just refused to acknowledge it.
"Correct," Celestine answered curtly, peering at me with sympathetic eyes. I stood wooden at the confirmation.
A soul swap.
Me and her.
Souls with no anchors.
"That can't be. Why would I have no anchor? I... I have my work. I'm the captain of the Special Forces. I have my buddies and the old geezer. I... It's not possible." I muttered softly. Trying to convince Celestine. Trying to convince myself.