It was cold.
That was the first sensation I felt. My eyes opened blurrily, then all at once as I remembered the events of the previous night. Surprisingly, my head didn't hurt that much, even though I had been generous with the self-medication of wine and my mom's Xanax pills last night.
I still can't believe what happened. After getting my evening math class canceled, I had jumped in line at Jonathan and I's favorite bakery to buy our favorite macarons. I'd chosen light pink ones for myself and blue for Jonathan, a fun distinction we liked to make so that way no one ate the other's desert. The packaging, frothy white with yellow ribbons, had also come out of my pocket as I wanted tonight to be even more special than usual.
I'd snapped a pic and texted it to my best friend since I was a little girl, Halle. It was such good luck that we had both ended up going to universities in the same city.
[I just got this for Jonathan! He is totally gonna love it!]
I had waited a minute, then two, but got no reply. She was a social butterfly, always up to something new so I wasn't too surprised. Then after I climbed into my parked Subaru, I texted Jonathan so he could also get excited.
[A surprise for you...] I sent, along with a winky kissy emoji. Perfect.
Jonathan and I were both busy people, with myself in college and him as a local mechanic. I had been dreaming of becoming a politician someday and Jonathan was always standing behind me, working overtime to pay off most of the rent for our apartment.
I could hardly wait to tell him that I had been hired onto our local mayor's reelection campaign. I would finally have my own salary and Jonathan wouldn't have to work extra hours at the shop to make our ends meet. My cheeks burned on the car ride home as I thought about how pleased my fiancé would be. His handsome, rugged face would break out into a smile and he would pull me in for a kiss and maybe more. Thank goodness I had been mindful enough to wear good underwear in the morning.
I had skipped up the stairs of my apartment building like a happy idiot, my feet carrying me to the fourth floor where our apartment was. But I could tell right away that something was off. The door to our apartment was opened and unlocked, a sliver of light peeking out from inside. An intruder?
There was the faint sound of a dog sniffing around inside and I had dug out my rarely used pepper spray from the depths of my bag and held it in front of me. Jonathan had a day off today and had promised me that he would rest at home. My heart constricted at the thought of anything happening to my beloved.
"H-Hello?" I asked hesitantly, kicking open the door gently. No one answered. But my heart slowly sank as I saw a red skirt, hastily discarded near the entrance. I picked it up and took a good look. I'd seen this skirt before. On Halle.
Still, I had foolishly tried to come up with excuses in my head as I slowly advanced into the room. Since we hung out so often, I had given her a key to my apartment before, maybe she had come to change. I noticed her bra on the floor and swallowed nervously. Maybe she had been in a hurry and forgot to pick up after herself after she changed. Tears had been filling my eyes and I didn't even get to the best part!
Right on the couch that Jonathan and I had cuddled so many times to watch movies Jonathan and Halle were fully engaged and going at it on the couch, in flagrante delicto. Her light brown hair was bouncing on her shoulders as the hoarse noise I'd thought was a dog came out of her mouth. It was clear they were enjoying it, as my presence was unnoticed by them.
My world had fallen apart right there. The man I loved with all my heart with the girl I loved with all my heart. The bag of macarons that symbolized our love dropped the floor, finally drawing the bright green gaze of Jonathan that I love- no, loved. They widened and he stopped pounding into Halle.
"Hey, why'd you stop baby?" Halle asked sexily, her back to me. My hands curled into a fist as I heard the sweet nickname she had for MY fiancé. She turned around as well and I saw her eyes practically pop out of her head.
"Babe, it's not what it looks like," Jonathan said, hastily extricating himself from Halle and walking towards me. I had taken a step back, then another. I didn't want those hands that had been on Halle touching me.
"No," I'd replied in a dazed voice, "this is exactly what it looks like."
The next thing I remember was fleeing back to my car with Jonathan calling after me. I didn't answer. Maybe I should've. But I was still reeling from the fact that the man I had planned on giving everything to could treat me like that.
A familiar jangle filled the air, my personalized ringtone for Halle. My car automatically picked up the call as it had done so many times before.
"Maria," she started, her voice thick with tears. "I'm sorry. Please come back so we can talk to you."
We. I had clenched my jaw. Halle had always been a girl generous with her affections which had gotten her in some trouble before. But I never thought I would be on the receiving end of her games.
"What the fuck was that, Halle? Why are you having sex with MY FIANCÉ?" I roared into the phone as I finally snapped. Tears were running down my face and I wasn't paying attention to the road.
"I-I'm sorry! One thing led to another and it just happened. I swear it won't happen again!" Halle cried.
"You're right. It won't happen again. Because from this day forward neither of you matter to me anymore. Tell Jonathan, who I can hear zipping up his goddamn pants in the background, never to talk to me again! Same with you! You're a shitty friend."
"I'm sorry," Halle sobbed into the phone. It was so pathetic.
"Everyone always said you were bad news, you know?" I said, a bit more quietly this time. "But I stuck around. Even when other girls in the grade turned against you and even me. And this is what you do to me! I hate you!"
"No... please..."
"Never talk to me again! Ever!" I had hung up the phone after that and by some miracle I pulled into the driveway of my divorced mother's 2 bedroom house. I'd banged on the door and dissolved into a puddle of tears when my mother's kind face looked back at mine in surprise.
"Mi amor," my mom comforted in Spanish, wrapping me into a tight hug as I sobbed even harder. My heart was in tatters. I had never hurt so much in my life and I longed for Jonathan's comfort even though he was the one who had hurt me in the first place. She hadn't pried at all, just holding me in her arms. Eventually, she had gone to bed and I was left on the living room sofa on my own, feeling like I was dying.
In a sorrowful haze, I had stumbled to the wine cabinet and to the bathroom with my mom's Xanax and had generously indulged in both. But the pain didn't hurt less or go away, the world only went dark. My phone kept pinging through the night, the sole accompaniment to my tears.
I had cleaned out a bottle of red wine by myself so why didn't my head hurt? The ceiling also looked unfamiliar, neither the ceiling of my tiny living room or of my apartment. Maybe I was in the hospital. I had gotten my stomach pumped once after a particularly wild night in my freshman year, the same had probably happened last night.
It felt like little needles were piercing my back so I slowly sat myself up in the prickly bed and held back a gasp. This was definitely not a hospital. The room looked like a set for a medieval house. The walls were made of dark wood with moss growing in the corners. A window was open, with a strong breeze that had awoken me in the first place. The air smelled filthy, like a sewer. I could only raise my hands to rub my eyes and ensure I wasn't dreaming. But the hands that touched my face were miniature and pale, like a child's hand rather than my larger, well-tanned one.
Was I hallucinating? I slapped at my cheeks with my strange hands and my chest, only to see that my generous decolletage had similarly vanished. I would never drink again. I stuck three fingers up in the air. Scouts honor. Mentally berated myself for being stupid enough to pop pills while drinking, I scratched my head and white hair came tumbling down. White? I have chocolate brown hair that I have diligently cut into a bob for the past 5 years. I can only conclude that I'm in the middle of a dream and have somehow become a senior citizen. A frown tugged at the corner of my mouth as I stared at the white lock wrapped around my baby hands, which upon closer inspection had silver strands running through it.
"What da fwu-" I swore, then covered my mouth with a gasp. That was a child's voice. No, a baby? I touched my newly plump face, which felt unfamiliar and jumped as someone entered the room. The lady, who also had pale hair, although hers looked more gray to my sparkly white walked into the bare room I was sitting in.
Her unfriendly face only turned more unfriendly as they settled on my newly downsized form sitting up in what now appeared to be a crib. My little eyes bugged out of my head as she walked over and in a quick movement plucked me out of the crudely shaped crib
"Ah, Winter, I heard you babbling. Did you wet your diaper already? I just put you down for a nap 30 minutes ago goddamnit." She began bouncing me up and down, but it didn't feel comforting and my head wobbled all over the place. How dare this strange woman pick me up this way! And my name was definitely not Winter, it was Maria! My lifelike hallucinations should at least get that right.
Still, the unusual name rang a bell as I looked out into the bustling streets of an area that could only be described as a slum. I opened my mouth to let out a sharp retort but instead out came the loud cry of a baby.