Chapter Two:
Unbeknownst to me was the time my mind was left dwindling within the expansive lake that was the unconsciousness. And even though I was soon liberated, uncertainty clung to my body like the lake water that'd forever entangle my being.
Met with nature and the level of serenity it brought, I became relaxed. Almost as though my uncertainty was meaningless. Almost as though the scent of fresh soil and fawn awakened the primitive in my genes. The primitive part of me that whispered that that was all there was.
I might as well be a caveman. I was ignorant and left out in nature. Well, it at least was the most primitive I could get.
I was leaning, once again, onto the back of a familiar hardness, but this time it felt better; natural. I finally took in my surroundings.
Poured in with an elegance that knew no equal was the glorified air, blessed with the grace of mother nature as it settled in and out of my body. Lounging itself onto my tongue was a taste that exceeded all sensations, a nip enthroned with the honor of being titled the finest as the light reverberations of exotic birds echoed within the walls of my ear canals. And lastly, knowing no such thing as the term flaw, never being bound by the chains of imperfection, was the scenery that stretched out before me.
Due to perspective, I was left unable to completely identify the height at which the fawn trees grew, but I assumed they were huge, coated in luscious leaves that barely fell onto the carpet of patches of grass and soil as it was swept into the wind; the wind that uplifted my golden waves into itself as it reached all the way up to where I sat.
All the way up to where I sat. All. The way up. To where. I. Sat. My mind threaded along carefully.
As steady as an experienced kid cheating on an exam, I looked down at where I sat.
Horrified by what I saw, I pounced to my feet, which wasn't the wisest thing to do, as I nearly fell straight into the wide arms of death.
By instinct, I laid against the - what I then recognized as a - mountain, hugging it ineffectively, as I didn't get the chance to turn around.
I looked down. Built by cement was a walkway that was, in lengthways, long enough to reach the crease behind my knees with my back against the mountain. This walkway seemed to stretch completely around the tedious expanse that was the mountain. A drop from there could have killed a dinosaur.
Slowly and somehow effectively, I managed to turn around and hug it. I just couldn't trust myself, especially in the groggy state of mind I was in to not slip off the face of the world.
Yeah, because that's what it felt like. Like every step I took, literally dictated my life.
The tears within me died out before they could even spill at the sound of eagles screeching in the distance. The distance soon became the past as the sounds with their creators periodically drew nearer.
A shaky breath escaped the governance of my lips.
Okay, okay. Calm down. You're gonna be okay. I tried to tell myself, but it was a lie I couldn't even persuade myself to believe. What a lawyer I'd be. I thought, followed by, maybe this is the universe's way of telling me I shouldn't become one. He's not even giving me the chance to become something else. I complained in my head, allowing a whimper to escape my lips.
I sucked a deep breath all the way to my soul before purging it from my body, blowing my cheeks out, and letting it slowly become deflated to symbolize my hope.
I dragged my feet across the cement, unintentionally attracting the attention of the eagles all the while. They were now closer than ever and I couldn't even see anything leading to liberation yet.
I took a deep breath and began humming a song to myself. Don't ask me to sing the lyrics or tell you the name of the artist as I could do neither. At the moment, all I knew was the melody and without questioning it, I just hummed as a means of soothing myself.
At the moment, I didn't know why I hummed that song, but now I think the lyrics were somehow empowering. Something about being on top of the world rang a soothing tune in my ears.
Now it nearly brings tears to my eyes that I completely forgot the lyrics, but at the moment I remember being oblivious to the sound or its meaning as I made my way around.
At last, I found an opening. My pace increased, and I leaped into the space, the illusion of freedom being materialized into my perception as the ground nearly kissed my face.
Mount Everest ain't got shit on me. I thought, feeling as if I had conquered the world.
I rose to my feet, dusting the gown of dust that enveloped the truth, the truth that beyond the eyes of perception, there was neutrality. A hidden truth that of all the things I did in life, it had no meaning, as this was all I amounted to. I was nothing more than a nobody, no less than the void that was the universe.
You're confused, aren't you? It's not a pleasant feeling at all, huh? Trust me, I know. But we are all uncertain about something. We just have the illusion that we have any fucking idea what we're doing, but the truth is we don't. So when I tell you I ventured deeper within the darkness than in the light, you'd know why.
Because regardless of the truth being brought into the light or not, we'd never fully understand it anyway, so we might as well just do whatever the hell we want. With this in mind, I ventured in, allowing the darkness to completely envelop me.
I allowed my face to rest, feeling the weight of my eyelids as it brought resistance to the fact I wanted to power through. My jaw slackened and my shoulders drooped as I pointlessly strolled.
I relished in the idea of having no purpose for a reason unbeknownst to me. Maybe it brought me a sense of relief that no matter what I did or how I did it, I wasn't significant enough to even be remembered. No one really is.
I was a rock, my level of mobile steadiness being unmatched in the ways I'd done them before. Obtaining the same rhythm for minutes, if not hours. Zoning out for such a long time? It was impossible in comparison to who I was.
I thought. How did I change so much from the person I was? Where did any of these world views even come from? What influenced this change? And why the hell can I not remember anything clearly from before waking up in the cave?
Soon enough, there was a low pulsation of light in the mere distance. I didn't know how to feel about that. Did it even matter how I feel? I didn't know and I don't know if this is just the way I'm wired, but I walked in the opposite direction only to walk back toward it with the simple thought of, so that's it, you're afraid of the truth, aren't you?
Following the light, I was met with two tunnels that were directly beside each other. I sighed and roughly passed my hand over my face with exhaustion, leaving my nails to sink into my skin for a moment, which I enjoyed the pain of way too much.
I noticed a neatly folded paper lying delicately on the floor as if it were laid just for me. Like every other time, I did not know what it wrote but thinking back to how I felt. I remember feeling motivated to enter one and despite all the shit I was just thinking, I really cared about choosing the right one.
A sense of importance was drenched into the very material that made up the paper, as in the moment I remember viewing it as the most valuable resource I had ever encountered.
Onto the cold path, I sat, processing and completely digesting every word that was written on the paper.
Do you know what the weirdest part of that paper was? That I recognized the handwriting. I knew the handwriting, but I couldn't exactly pinpoint who it was. It irritated me, the uncertainty. It was like an itch I tried to avoid engaging, knowing of the demise it'd inevitably resort to, but with every thought -- every turn -- every incident, the places in which the itches arose kept spreading even though I forbade myself from even engaging in it. It was irritating; it was unfair, but such was life.
I looked at both tunnels with the eyes of a sloth, despite being totally invested in what was about the happen.
All right.
From its place, I took in a dose of oxygen, exchanging it in the end for what my body offered as I looked around for things that'd lead me the right way.
The right way. Oh, fuck me. I thought, followed by, fuck it. I'm going.
I took a deep breath and glanced over my shoulder before entering the right tunnel.
 Author's Note
𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐭 20 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 7𝐩𝐦 𝐭𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐲 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐞.
𝐀𝐭𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐈'𝐦 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡, 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭? 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞. 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐛𝐯𝐡...
𝐀𝐧𝐲𝐰𝐚𝐲, 𝐈 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫.
𝐈'𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐯𝐨𝐭𝐞 (𝐜𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫).
𝐈 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐫, 𝐈'𝐦 𝐚𝐧 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐲 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫, 𝐚 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞.
𝐀𝐧𝐲𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬, 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐚! :)
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